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GORE PUTS INTERNET UP FOR SALE ON EBAY
Expects $400 Billion Bid for His Baby

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) � Vice President Al Gore has put the
Internet up for sale on auction site eBay, explaining
that while he will miss his creation, he needs money to duel Republican
presidential contender George W. Bush in the stretch run to
November.

"It's been fun, and I'm very proud of having invented it, but I think the
Internet will do just fine without me at the helm every day," said
Gore, who has set the minimum bid at $1, but hopes to make $400 billion on
the sale. The auction will last for 10 days.

Bush wasted no time in criticizing the auction, insisting Gore did not
create the entire Internet, as the vice president has previously claimed.

"It is the height of hubris, very high up, very tall, for my opposition to
claim dibs on the Internet," said Bush, speaking off microphone to
running mate Dick Cheney. "I'll tell you right now, he should not be
claiming as his part the Texas part. I have been an integrated
supporter of the high-Texas industry in tech, so that part, that Texas Tech
part, of the Internet, that's really mine, and, I think, Texas
A&M too."

Bush aides, meanwhile, questioned the sale on "influence" grounds, arguing
that whoever buys the Internet from Gore will be making what
is in essence a massive campaign contribution, and will therefore exert
undue control over the vice president.

"Mr. Gore and his bureacRATS in the DemocRATic Party will be beholden to
whichever rich plutocRAT or plutocRATS bids the most,"
said Bush spokesman Neil Henley, who insisted his rather peculiar inflection
was the result of a sinus infection and that nothing should be
read into it. "We believe the sale by AL GORE IS A RATher questionable thing
for the Vice PresiRAT to do."

In response, a Gore spokeswoman insisted the Democratic campaign has placed
safeguards into the auction to fight accusations of
influence. "The Vice President has personally prayed to Joe Lieberman to
watch over the morality of this sale," said press aide Andrea
Gartner.