🚀 go-pugleaf

In article <01bbff2c$4b0b5b60$0ff042ce@etherman.mdc.net>, 
etherman@mdc.net says...
> 
> 
> Bigus <bigus@ix.netcom.com> wrote in article
> <MPG.d3f774a142c8ec798978a@nntp.ix.netcom.com>...
> > In article <01bbfddc$4439ed20$13f042ce@etherman.mdc.net>, 
> > etherman@mdc.net says...
> > > I think it comes down to a matter of extremes.  Being too tall is going
> to
> > > be considered unattractive by your average woman.  Same with being too
> > > thin or too short.  Being in some extreme category is going to make
> things
> > > difficult, but probably not hopeless.  
> > > 
> > > For the guy who is too skinny you should try working out.  I personally
> > > tried but didn't have much success.  Maybe you'll have better luck.
> > > 
> > 
> > I cringe when I hear someone blaming their appearance for all their 
> > problems. I cringe even worse when someone feeds the flames with a 
> > sugestion of how to change their appearance.
> 
> I don't think you can blame your appearance for all your problems, but
> that doesn't mean that appearances mean nothing.

Yes appearences mean something, but not so much what is on the outside as 
what radiates from the inside out.

>  
> > A good workout program may help in this case, but then again it would 
> > probably help everyone. Being a bean pole, short, fat, or whatever is a 
> > fatal flaw only in ones own mind: a self percieved flaw acts as a 
> > lightning rod that protects us from seeing our other flaws or learning 
> > how to work around them.
> 
> Being overweight will greatly reduce the number of people who will be
> willing to give you a change.  Same with being too thin, too short, too
> tall, etc.  

I don't think this needs repeating.
 
> > Those who have been obese their entire lives are often suprised that 
> > changing their outward appearance does nothing to aleviate their personal
> 
> > and interpersonal problems. 
> 
> I had a friend who never had a date while he was in high school.  During
> college he lost about 100 pounds and pretty soon had a gf.  I've heard
> many women say they wouldn't date someone because he's too fat or
> too short.  Like it or not, looks matter, at least initially.

Hasn't this been said to death already? The point is that more often than 
not these things become the scape goat for all our problems. There is no 
majic pill to take, you can't stop looking for things to do better when 
you have identified one problem, as this guy is in danger of doing, 
especialy with this sort of encouragement. Loosing or gaining weight is 
but one drop in the bucket, one that can be filled in so many ways. 
Whenever someone identifies a problem I feel compelled to ask if this is 
their only problem.

> > With the outside changed they are forced to 
> > examine their insides, which is often far more difficult to do. Tell a 
> > bean pole to work out and you divert his efforts into something far less 
> > lucrative.
> 
> Maybe if he works out he'll feel better about himself and have the
> confidence women desire.

Maybe if it doesnt help he will feel worse. If he tries 100 things and 90 
fail, he has still had 10 success to build on. Working out is one thing, 
now he needs 99 more. One thing is for sure, if he is to do these things 
he will need the inner strength to persist and make them real. Once he 
has this, the rest will come esily.
>  
> > When I was fat, everyone told me to loose weight, then I would have 
> > women. When I was skinny, everyone told me to work out, then I would have
> > women. When I was buff, strangely enough, nothing. I was convinced that 
> > my hight was the one unchanging flaw that made me unatractive. Finally, a
> > friend took me aside and told me the truth, I need to learn some social 
> > skills (not that I was rude or crude), 
> 
> This can be a big problem.  But notice that you had already lost weight 
> when you made inner changes.  Do you think that had you remained
> fat but had better social skills you would have gotten women? I think
> the two worked together.

But they were hardly equal partners. I dated gorgious women before then, 
they just didn't like me or find me attractive. I just assumed that I was 
unattractive because they rejected me. I had enough appearance to get 
them to the table, but not enough of the more important things to keep 
them there. I thought I was physicaly unattractive, so people told me how 
to become more attractive when they should have been encouraging me to 
find the real problem. Maybe this was confidence.

> 
> > learn to dress better (not that I 
> > was a slob), 
> 
> Note that this has nothing to do with your inner person.  

Neither did the other things.

> 
> > and learn to carry myself better (not that I was a slouch). 
> > I was not unnatractive, I was just not attractive: a zero.
> 
> I guess this has to do with projecting confidence.  Confidence is sexy.

I added confidence too, but more recently still. That is most lucrative, 
but can not be applied with a paintbrush. Poise can be added this way, 
and that is what I did.

> > Fortunately 
> > this friend had learned the same lessons and passed them along to me. All
> > the efforts I had put into changing my body amounted to nothing, while a 
> > few tiny changes to my behavior changed everything. I have been in better
> > phisical shape, but I have never been called good looking untill 
> > recently.
> > 
> > John
> 
> I suspect that in your case both physical and inner changes worked
> together.

I tend to think that women either see through much or I was physicaly 
attractive all along, as evidenced by the fact that I dated beautifull 
women before. The outer things help get them to look, but when they think 
you are attractive and tell you so, they are not talking about your 
outside, at least not the ones I have been meeting lately. A woman 
certanly needs to be relaxed enough around you to admit anything. Many 
men have done well with far less on the outside than I have. When you 
have eliminated the impossible, whatever is left, however improbable, 
must be the truth. When it comes to this sort of thing, no need to wate, 
try everything.

Neither neglect nor lean entirely on any one of your attributes. This is 
all I can say.

John