🚀 go-pugleaf

In article <5beggv$608@sjx-ixn2.ix.netcom.com>, john@ia.net says...

> But I do have something to add..
> 
> Your mention of "When the student is ready, the teacher will come"
> reminds me of a book I have read recently 'The Way of the Peaceful
> Warrior' (I forget the author, I borrowed the book from a friend), as
> well as my all-time favorite, 'Illusions' by Richard Bach...  These
> books are about teachers that come into your (and my) life, to remind
> us that everything that happens in our lives are due to the choices
> that we have made...  it is scary and comforting at the same time,
> because of the power and responsibility it gives me (and requires of
> me)...  
> 
> This also resonates with another post in this thread:  Substitute the
> word "won't" anytime you use the word "can't", and see how this
> changes your prespective.  
> 

I very much appreciate all the thoughtfull and loving posts that seem to 
be coming my way here. I don't know why this one was different from all 
the others, I guess it just struck a choard with a few. It struck me 
somehow also, because so often the common sence advice I get does not 
realy fit so well with my deeper issues. When someone finds a problem and 
says "this is it" and you change it and nothing improves, you just get 
all the more hopeless.

John R., I recently read the first couple of chapters from "The Way..." 
and found it very interesting, and very similar to a stack of books on 
the shelf behind me, including (after much consideration) the bible 
(though I dislike that one personaly). "Illusions" is one of my all time 
favorites, I have read it several times (takes about 20 minutes). 
Although I have never thought of it in terms of "choices we have (past 
tense) made", more as a reminder that the way we choose to see things 
now, both inside and outside, become our "objective" reality. The world 
is not so objective as we would believe, and the things we choose to see 
prove whatever we want them to. Taking the responsibility for your 
"objective" reality allows you to rebuild your universe to better suit 
your bliss. I don't think I ever understood the concept of kharma until I 
read this book.

Brenda seems to have made a much more fundamental change in herself than 
I ever did, and could probably offer more insight. What she did sounds 
similar to the 12 step program that some suggested to me. I found this 
program out of place for me. I lacked a balance of mental, emotional and 
spiritual skills but found no need to tear down before building. I needed 
to add the missing bricks, not remove loads of bad ones. I had a strange 
mix of thinking very highly of myself and my abilities, but being trapped 
by a missing "secret" that I was too dense to find. I felt misunderstood, 
that everyone disliked me because they didn't know me. I never felt in 
any way that someone who knew me would dislike me.

I still feel a great imbalance in my life, one that would probably be 
made worse by having a woman in my life, not that that would stop me from 
trying if I can find a few more volonteers. I think that at some point, 
getting knocked off ballance by such a thing helps one to find center.

Now back to the new thread subject. What was this "secret" that I was 
missing? To tell you the truth, I haven't got a clue. I know that 
learning tricks and social skills, how to dress and look can hide many 
problems, but solving the problems seems to result directly in having 
social graces and looking better. One can not connect with others in a 
constructive way when sickness is inside. When you feel the sickness 
inside you see this as a catch-22, that you cant feel better without 
connecting with others. There is some truth to this perception, but the 
connection you need to feel better is probably not the one you are 
looking for. The "secret" is a unique thing for each of us, a fundamental 
rebearth of youself, and the outer things that people see, respond to and 
advocate as the key are merely a superficial reflection of the true 
change.

I suppose this is why I am a bad example for this thread, becaus a large 
part of what I needed was superficial: I needed simple, positive, social 
skills that I was never tought as a child to complete my rebirth. Now 
that I have been reintroduced to the world, the rest is falling into 
place quickly. Had I not done all the internal work that I mentioned 
above, the social skills would have gone entirely to waste, or even 
allowed me to quit too early on what needed to be done. I think a large 
part of the work I needed to do in the first place was ultimately caused 
by my missing social skills, but the work needed to be done just the 
same. I can offer little guidance, because I was reborn yesterday and am 
still very much a child.

I suppose this is not what you want to hear if you are lonely and in 
pain: that there is so much work to do and no secret/majic thing. All I 
can tell you is that the rewards are far greater than you could ever get 
from latching onto another individual, and far-far greater than SS could 
ever do. These things are only temporary relief, and there is nothing 
worse than being surrounded by people and feeling completely alone and 
empty. Life exists only where there is constant growth.

John