🚀 go-pugleaf

The following was forwarded to me by a friend who used to work for MCIS, 
now working in Silicon Valley...using NeXTSTEP of course.

Hope you get a laugh out of it like I did.


Dave Briggman

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Beers of the Software World

DOS Beer: Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to 
read the directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only 
came in an 8-oz. can, but now comes in a 16-oz. can. However, the can is 
divided into 8 compartments of 2 oz. each, which have to be accessed 
separately.  Soon to be discontinued, although a lot of people are going 
to keep drinking it after it's no longer available.

Mac Beer: At first, came only a 16-oz. can, but now comes in a 32-oz. 
can. Considered by many to be a "light" beer. All the cans look 
identical. When you take one from the fridge, it opens itself. The 
ingredients list is not on the can. If you call to ask about the 
ingredients, you are told that "you don't need to know." A notice on the 
side reminds you to drag your empties to the trashcan.

Windows 3.1 Beer: The world's most popular. Comes in a 16-oz.can that 
looks a lot like Mac Beer's. Requires that you already own a DOS Beer. 
Claims that it allows you to drink several DOS Beers simultaneously, but 
in reality you can only drink a few of them, very slowly, especially 
slowly if you are drinking the Windows Beer at the same time. Sometimes, 
for apparently no reason, a can of Windows Beer will explode when you 
open it.

OS/2 Beer: Comes in a 32-oz can. Does allow you to drink several DOS 
Beers simultaneously. Allows you to drink Windows 3.1 Beer 
simultaneously too, but somewhat slower. Advertises that its cans won't 
explode when you open them, even if you shake them up. You never really 
see anyone drinking OS/2 Beer, but the manufacturer (International Beer 
Manufacturing) claims that 9 million six-packs have been sold.

Windows 95 Beer: You can't buy it yet, but a lot of people have 
taste-tested it and claim it's wonderful. The can looks a lot like Mac 
Beer's can, but tastes more like Windows 3.1 Beer. It comes in 32-oz. 
cans, but when you look inside, the cans only have 16 oz. of beer in 
them. Most people will probably keep drinking Windows 3.1 Beer until 
their friends try Windows 95 Beer and say they like it. The ingredients 
list, when you look at the small print, has some of the same ingredients 
that come in DOS beer, even though the manufacturer claims that this is 
an entirely new brew.

Windows NT Beer: Comes in 32-oz. cans, but you can only buy it by the 
truckload. This causes most people to have to go out and buy bigger 
refrigerators. The can looks just like Windows 3.1 Beer's, but the 
company promises to change the can to look just like Windows 95 Beer's - 
after Windows 95 beer starts shipping. Touted as an "industrial 
strength" beer, and suggested only for use in bars.

Unix Beer: Comes in several different brands, in cans ranging from 8 oz. 
to 64 oz.Drinkers of Unix Beer display fierce brand loyalty, even though 
they claim that all the different brands taste almost identical. 
Sometimes the pop-tops break off when you try to open them, so you have 
to have your own can opener around for those occasions, in which case 
you either need a complete set of instructions, or a friend who has been 
drinking Unix Beer for several years.

AmigaDOS Beer: The company has gone out of business, but their recipe 
has been picked up by some weird German company, so now this beer will 
be an import.  This beer never really sold very well because the 
original manufacturer didn't understand marketing. Like Unix Beer, 
AmigaDOS Beer fans are an extremely loyal and loud group. It originally 
came in a 16-oz. can, but now comes in 32-oz. cans too. When this can 
was originally introduced, it appeared flashy and colorful, but the 
design hasn't changed much over the years, so it appears dated now. 
Critics of this beer claim that it is only meant for watching TV anyway.

VMS Beer: Requires minimal user interaction, except for popping the top 
and sipping. However cans have been known on occasion to explode, or 
contain extremely un-beer-like contents.  Best drunk in high pressure 
development environments. When you call the manufacturer for the list of 
ingredients, you're told that is proprietary and referred to an unknown 
listing in the manuals published by the FDA. Rumors are that this was 
once listed in the Physicians' Desk Reference as a tranquilizer, but no 
one can claim to have actually seen it.