🚀 go-pugleaf

Now I don't wish to treat you like children so my annual warning about not
eating yellow snow won't be issued, however, I would like to remind you all
of two things:

Firstly, the following are a warning to those of you who take horizontal
gymnastics far too casually:
>01. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, child A was
>fathered by [name removed]. I am unsure as to the identity of the
>father of child B, but I believe that he was conceived on the same
>night.
>02. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my child as I
>was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I
>can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the
>party if this helps.
>03. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was
>conceived at a party [address and date given] where I had unprotected
>sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good
>that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father can you send
>me his phone number? Thanks.
04. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He
>drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door
>panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and
>see if he's had it replaced.
05. I have never had sex with a man. I am awaiting a letter from
>Pope confirming that my son's conception was immaculate and
>that he is Christ risen again.
06. I cannot tell you the name of child A's dad as he informs me
>that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic
>implications for the British economy. I am torn between doing right by
>you and right by my country please advise.
07. I do not know who the father of my child was as all squaddies
>look the same to me. I can confirm that he was a Royal Green Jacket.
08. [name given] is the father of child A. If you do catch up with
>him can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs ?
09. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Euro
>Disney maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom.
10. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I
>remember for sure is Delia Smith did a programme about eggs earlier in
>the evening. If I'd have stayed in and watched more TV rather than going
>to the party at [address given] mine might have remained unfertilised


And secondly:
A philosophy professor stood before his class and had some items in front of
him. When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a large empty mayonnaise
jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks, rocks about 2" in diameter.
He then asked the students if the jar was full?  They agreed that it was. So
the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar.
He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas
between the rocks. He then asked the students again if the jar was full.
They agreed it was.  The students laughed. The professor picked up a box of
sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything
else.  "Now," said the professor, "I want you to recognise that this is your
life.
The rocks are the important things - your family, your partner, your health,
your children - things that if everything else was lost and only they
remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other
things that matter like your job, your house, your car. The sand is
everything else. The small stuff.   If you put the sand into the jar first,
there is no room for the pebbles or the rocks. The same goes for your life.
If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never
have room for the things that are important to you.  Pay attention to the
things that are critical to your happiness.  Play with your children.  Take
time to get medical checkups.  Take your partner out dancing.  There will
always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party and fix
the disposal.
Take care of the rocks first - the things that really matter. Set your
priorities. The rest is just sand."
But then... A student then took the jar which the other students and the
professor agreed was full, and proceeded to pour in a glass of beer. Of
course the beer filled the remaining spaces within the jar making the jar
truly full.

The moral of this tale is:
That no matter how full your life is, there is always room for BEER.
AND THAT MY FRIEND IS A PHILOSOPHY I CAN LIVE BY!!


Ed.

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http://whippysworld.moonfruit.com/