🚀 go-pugleaf

This is the best joke I have read in weeks!  Laughed my heart out and had a
good time. :)

Don't you chaps here feel sorrow for the poor sod who wrote all this crap!
What a waste of talent eh?

Absolute waste of time, talent and energy to prove...?  Pity! Pity! Pity!


CCCage wrote in message ...
>Here is an article from a chess cheat web page, reflecting the
>mentality of the computer chess cheat on the Internet clubs, it
>is a prime example of the way they think !
>---------
>
>
>
>CHEATING on Internet Chess Servers:
>A MATTER YOU SHOULD BE AWARE OF .
>Part 11: Personal testimonies
>First edited in february 2000
>Hi,
>
>I found your web site very entertaining. I often cheat, but I am
>a bit different than what you describe. I don't always set my
>chess program for "maximum kill", there are honest players whom I
>respect out there, and I will often turn my chess computer
>program down to "strong tournament player" or the like to give
>them half a chance. I enter tournaments all the time, and I don't
>want to monopolize them, only win once in awhile. Winning
>everytime would just make me a big target, and ics's would crack
>down on me. For me it is all about control, if I see a player
>whom I respect greatly I will say hey it is his turn to win, I
>won last week and so I will turn my program down to just under
>his level so it looks like I put up a good fight but he will win.
>And then I will kibitz the rest of his games and root for him and
>pump him up and tell him how well he is doing etc. This helps my
>own reputation, as a good sport, so when a week comes around that
>I feel like winning no one will complain when I decide to blow
>them off the board.
>
>When someone accuses me of cheating, when they can tell I am
>using a program, I take it as a personal screw up ( how did I l
>screw up and let them find out? ) and will "turn the other
>cheek", the next time I play them, I will make 1 or 2 moves and
>then resign and then say something like " There. Crybaby. There
>you go. Are you happy now? you won. I hope your happy. Go win the
>tournament."
>
>This will plant doubts in their mind, and think maybe I was a
>legitamate player, and they will feel guilty from then on. If you
>detect that they don't feel guilty, then you should show them no
>mercy and make sure you destroy them by an embarrassing margin
>when you meet them again. My rule of thumb is to let an honest
>strong player beat you twice for every one time you decide to
>beat him.
>
>He should not bitch too strongly if you follow this rule. But
>definately show no mercy to anyone who accuses you of cheating.
>You have spent time and effort building your reputation, a jerk
>like this we cannot tolerate.
>
>My advice to fellow cheaters:
>
>1) keep quiet for the most part- do not become a chatterbox. Most
>good chess players do not talk much during games and tournaments,
>and you should follow their lead.
>
>2) Work hard on your reputation- make friends with tournament
>hosts and try to build your reputation as a very strong honest
>good-sport player. This will give you leverage when some jerkoff
>really pisses you off and you need to destroy him and then gloat
>about it.
>
>3) When you are accused of cheating- Act like nothing is wrong,
>keep your cool. Just go about your business of embarrasing him.
>If he is a real prick, it might help to let him win the first
>week so he will look like a jerk for accusing you. No one will
>believe him that you are cheating if you let him win. You must
>have patience, you will destroy him later. Just keep the game
>close but let him win.
>
>4) If you run into a fellow cheater- If you have your chess
>computer set for "maximum kill" and someone still beats you, they
>are 99% for sure a fellow cheater. You need to make friends with
>them. Then the next time you run into them in a tournament, you
>need to work out deals so that I win this week, you win the next
>week, etc. Do not get into a war with them. Ex: My chess computer
>can beat your chess computer etc. You may just be surprised,
>there is always someone out there with a faster computer than
>you, with a bigger wallet etc. that can afford stronger, more
>up-to-date software than you can.
>
>5) Try to minimize accusations- If you have a really bad week,
>when even the host starts to wonder if you are a cheater, you
>need to keep a low profile, and lose to anybody within a few
>hundred ratings points of you. Do not spend much time and effort
>rebutting accusers, a simple joke or brush-off will do. You don't
>want to over-do it, and draw attention to yourself. Use this time
>to build your good reputation, you will need that later.
>
>My favorite line: I guess SO AND SO ( fill in name ) thinks that
>no human can beat him. Or: "Thanks for the compliment, but I
>think a computer could have beaten you much quicker than I did"
>
>6) A word on one-minute games- Usually this will only happen in a
>tournament you decide to win, someone will accuse you of cheating
>and demand you to play a one-minute game with them, so if you are
>using a chess-program you won't have enough time to enter all the
>moves in. Just say: "Too bad this isn't a one-minute tournament,
>or else we could have had the chance" or "If I didn't have such a
>crappy mouse, I would take you up on your offer" This isn't
>really a great answer, will definately cut some ice...but there
>is no real good way to respond to this particular challenge. You
>will have to bite-the-bullet on this one, or be creative and come
>up with your own good response, a real cheater's nightmare.
>
>7) What not to say:- You will be found out to be a cheater if you
>slip up and say any of the following ( So don't say any of these
>for sure )
>
>A) My mind thinks like a program
>
>B) "Now you got me pissed, I needed to lose a few games to get
>motivated and kick butt"
>
>C) "I teach chess", or "I am a chess coach" or " I just took a
>job at my local chess club as a chess teacher"
>
>8) When chess enthusiests ask you for advice:- Tell them
>"books,books, books" "read many chess books" "work first on
>becoming good at end-games".....while they are spending days
>reading chess books like the stupid idiots that they are, we will
>be taking the easy road to glory!
>
>http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Realm/8655/ENGLISH/Part11_ENG.htm
>#Top
>
>Regards,
>
>CCCage
>
>