🚀 go-pugleaf

Hey Arianna! Stick this where the sun don't shine!
By DOUG THOMPSON
Jan 8, 2003, 07:03

My wife and I did our part to support international terrorism this week. We
did it with the help of Chevron, Texaco, Amoco and Mobil.

You see, none of the various vehicles that occupy our garage gets over
20-miles-per-gallon on the open road.

Gas guzzlers all. My wife’s Jeep Liberty Sports Utility Vehicle on a good
day, with cruise control engaged and an open road, might touch 20 MPG but I
doubt it. The usual rate of consumption is 17-18 gallons per highway mile
and a hell of a lot less around town or off road.

My Wrangler struggles to reach 15 MPG on the open road. Off road the
consumption is more like “gallons per mile.”

Same for the TR-6 we take out on nice weekends. 

Which, according to Arianna Huffington and her fellow loonies at an
organization called The Detroit Project, makes us terrorists, or a least a
couple of Americans who aid terrorism.

Actually, I’ve always suspected my other half is a terrorist. She’s a
mixture of Lebanese and Irish, which means terrorism runs in her genes. God
knows she’s been terrorizing sales clerks for years now.

But, according to Arianna and the other crazies at The Detroit Project,
both of us are terrorist accomplices every time we pull into the local gas
station and fill up the tank.

Huffington, who comes in second only to Al Gore in taking credit for
things, says the Detroit Project, also known as Americans for Fuel
Efficient Cars, was entirely her idea.

“The idea for this project came to me while watching -- for the umpteenth
time -- one of those outrageous drug war ads the Bush administration has
flooded the airwaves with,” Arianna says with her usual almost
incomprehensible accent. “You know, the ones that try and link using drugs
to financing terrorism. 

“Instead of shaking my head in disgust and reaching for the Mute button
like I usually do when I see these ads, I decided to channel my
indignation. Why not turn the tables and adopt the same tactics the
administration was using in the drug war to point out the much more
credible link between driving SUVs and our national security? 

“Thus began our campaign to create a series of TV ads designed to win the
hearts and minds -- and change the driving habits -- of American consumers
by asking them to connect the dots and think about the effect energy
wastefulness is having not just on the environment, but on our foreign
policy.”

Huffington is the ex-wife of former California Republican Congressman, and
certified flake, Michael Huffington. After just one term in the House,
Huffington took $30 million of his personal fortune and tried to buy a U.S.
Senate seat. He failed and hasn’t been heard from since.

But his wife is still around, masquerading as a political pundit and
joining forces with a couple of Hollywood types, comedian Larry David and
his wife, to declare war on SUVs.

She divorced Huffington in 1997, taking a sizable chunk of the money he had
left after his aborted Senate campaign, and dedicated her life to
embarrassing her former husband and the Republican party.

For a while, she made the cable TV talk show circuit, where flash means
more than substance but even the home of the vapid found her too shallow
for their tastes.

Arianna, however, may be short on talent but she is long on ambition and
The Detroit Project is her latest grab at the spotlight. But she has run
into some problems.

Television stations in major markets refuse to run her anti-SUV ads, saying
the spots are long on hyperbole and short on facts (which means they are
not much different than most of the other spots that do run).

Arianna claims its all part of a big oil plot to silence her and her
organizations.

She also claims her campaign is based on a desire to help America.

Which is a crock. Her shrill claims are nothing more than another pathetic,
woman-scorned, attempt to get back at her ex-husband.

Michael Huffington’s money, you see, comes from oil, lots of oil.

So I’m driving a lot this week and going to the gas station a lot.

And each time I stick the gas nozzle into the gas filler, I’m going to
imagine giving Arianna Huffington an 87-octane enema. 

© Copyright 2003 Capitol Hill Blue