🚀 go-pugleaf

Some of you got to see last year's list of 40 resolutions.  Some
didn't.  But, in yearly fashion, here's the '96 list.  If you want to
see the '95 list, it's up on my page...
	
	 http://www.earthlink.net/~gregoire

And now, for your entertainment, amusement, and revulsion...


              _____My New Year's Resolutions For 1996____

1: Find more time to procrastinate.
2: Acquire a new fresher scent with baking soda.
3: Pray for super powers more often.
4: Stop wearing outfits that scare the cat.
5: Take the Ab-Torturer out of the closet and put it in the garage.
6: Get a degree in pig-latin.
7: Flatten more mice.
8: Withdraw the UN peacekeeping troops from Tom Bosley.
9: Write a mini-series about the history of lint.
10: Get a tattoo on my ass that says "do not enter - severe tire 
	damage."
11: Get my dog a hobby.
12: Propose to Rikki Lake then put celery in my nose and wet myself.
13: Donate my coffee pot to the Mormons.
14: Take a box of bran muffins to work and then lock the bathrooms.
15: Stop saying "whee" on escalators.
16: Increase my collection of rocks that look like rocks.
17: Get married by Alex Trebec and phrase the vows as questions.
18: Try to work "please release my iguana" into more conversations.
19: Find someone who doesn't like Sarah Lee.
20: Mail my colon to Guam.
21: Put training wheels on my rollerblades.
22: Get a constitutional amendment prohibiting constitutional 
	amendments.
23: Find all the synonyms for "thesaurus."
24: Do my taxes in crayon.
25: Decrease my signal to noise ratio.
26: Spend more time exploring my dark side.
27: If Santa doesn't answer my letter this year, stop writing to him.
28: Finish getting the permits for my castle in the sky.
29: Explore the many uses of lard.
30: Name my ears.
31: I will try to be kind and rewind.
32: Bikini wax my monkey.
33: Eat Rush Limbaugh.
34: Wear a condom when sodomizing my goat.
35: Learn the meaning of the word "impossible."
36: Get some names to drop.
37: Become big in Japan.
38: Stop vomiting whenever someone says "John Tesh."
39: Pick someone at random from the phone book and start a fan club 
	for them.

And last but not least...

40: Hear the mermaids singing, each to each.

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