🚀 go-pugleaf

Greetings!

My general comment would be to keep the last line, put the poem away for a couple
of weeks, then, when the weeks have past, read it again.  I find it often takes
several revisions before I'm happy with something I've written.

However, my style would be to end in rhyme and title the poem with the last few
words... as below:

In article <BxB2y5.6q8@ora.com>, chalmers@ora.com (Leslie Chalmers) writes:
|> 

			"Your Eyes"
			-----------


|>              The glassy moon appears
|>              as day weaves its night
|>              and gold beams spin silver lace.
|>              I walk down the grey hill
|>              to the house shrouded in silver veils
|>              of mist.
|>              My edges fade and swirl
|>              through your sky.
		Falling in reflections
		from the image of
		your eyes.


But this would be my style which may not fit the impressions and emotions you
were intending.  Put it away, look at it again in a couple of weeks.

Have fun!


-- 
                                                                     Cheers,

                                                          Jeffery A. Bechdol
"Seek first to understand, then to be understood."  IBM/ABS System Design II
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            Disclaimer: These are my opinions, not necessarily my employer's