🚀 go-pugleaf

bogbody@aol.com (Bogbody) writes:
>I never said that I don't take other things into account - in fact, I even
>said that I could easily find a man with roommates attractive. That's not
>neccesarily a turn-off. I simply said that I DO find it attractive when a
>man owns a nice car and his own home. Of course I don't expect a man to go
>into debt to obtain these things. Here in SF, renting is the norm and I
>wouldn't think there was anything wrong with that. I am a little less
>enthused about roommates (mostly because of privacy :-)) but I understand
>that if a guy has just moved or taken up a new career, that may be his
>only option.

You're still operating from faulty assumptions.  Fortunately for you,
you're smart enough to perhaps realize that possibility, and not make
snap decisions or rule out people categorically.  However, this is the
second post I've seen from you which implies that you believe that
living on your own is somehow a "step up" from living with housemates.

I realize that there's a cultural norm in this country that you live
with housemates at first, to save money, and then once you can afford
it you move out and live on your own, then eventually form a couple,
have a monogamous relationship and move in with your love, get married
and settle down, and so on.  You're viewing people through this set of
assumptions, and you should realize that there are a lot of people who
do not buy into them.

I'll use myself as an example, but it's not just me - a lot of people
I know don't aspire to follow the "standard progression" described
above.  After college, I lived with two housemates for two years, and
moved and live with three housemates for another year.  Now I'm moving
into a 2-BR place, which I will be renting on my own until I find
someone who I want to live with, hopefully within the next month or
two.  It's not that I can't afford it on my own - I *want* to live
with other people.  I took a 2-BR because it was the nicest place I
found in the area I wanted, but I'd really much rather live in a
larger place with more people, and in a few years I hope to move into
a larger place with a larger group.  I don't ever forsee wanting to
live in a small group for the rest of my life.  I also don't ever
forsee wanting a monogamous relationship for the rest of my life,
though it would be nice to have one or two "primary" lifelong loves.

Just because I and many of my friends prefer to live in groups,
doesn't mean we're either less mature or less financially stable than
people who prefer otherwise.  The fact that I can easily afford the
place I'm moving into now on my own, simply means I can be more choosy
about who to take as a housemate, but it won't change the fact that I
want to live with a friend (or more).

  --  Cos (Ofer Inbar)  --  cos@leftbank.com  cos@cs.brandeis.edu
  --  WBRS (100.1 FM)   --  WBRS@brandeis.edu http://www.wbrs.org/
   Love: a blurring of the distinction between selfish and selfless.