🚀 go-pugleaf

The fact that bogbody is making some assumptions and that your life will 
not follow those assumptions is a pretty good indicator that you are 
not each other's ideal match.

Funny how it works, huh.

Her assumptions work as a filter, and will help her find her compatible 
somebody.

 Ofer Inbar 
(cos@elbereth.leftbank.com) wrote: : bogbody@aol.com (Bogbody) writes:
: >I never said that I don't take other things into account - in fact, I even
: >said that I could easily find a man with roommates attractive. That's not
: >neccesarily a turn-off. I simply said that I DO find it attractive when a
: >man owns a nice car and his own home. Of course I don't expect a man to go
: >into debt to obtain these things. Here in SF, renting is the norm and I
: >wouldn't think there was anything wrong with that. I am a little less
: >enthused about roommates (mostly because of privacy :-)) but I understand
: >that if a guy has just moved or taken up a new career, that may be his
: >only option.

: You're still operating from faulty assumptions.  Fortunately for you,
: you're smart enough to perhaps realize that possibility, and not make
: snap decisions or rule out people categorically.  However, this is the
: second post I've seen from you which implies that you believe that
: living on your own is somehow a "step up" from living with housemates.

: I realize that there's a cultural norm in this country that you live
: with housemates at first, to save money, and then once you can afford
: it you move out and live on your own, then eventually form a couple,
: have a monogamous relationship and move in with your love, get married
: and settle down, and so on.  You're viewing people through this set of
: assumptions, and you should realize that there are a lot of people who
: do not buy into them.

: I'll use myself as an example, but it's not just me - a lot of people
: I know don't aspire to follow the "standard progression" described
: above.  After college, I lived with two housemates for two years, and
: moved and live with three housemates for another year.  Now I'm moving
: into a 2-BR place, which I will be renting on my own until I find
: someone who I want to live with, hopefully within the next month or
: two.  It's not that I can't afford it on my own - I *want* to live
: with other people.  I took a 2-BR because it was the nicest place I
: found in the area I wanted, but I'd really much rather live in a
: larger place with more people, and in a few years I hope to move into
: a larger place with a larger group.  I don't ever forsee wanting to
: live in a small group for the rest of my life.  I also don't ever
: forsee wanting a monogamous relationship for the rest of my life,
: though it would be nice to have one or two "primary" lifelong loves.

: Just because I and many of my friends prefer to live in groups,
: doesn't mean we're either less mature or less financially stable than
: people who prefer otherwise.  The fact that I can easily afford the
: place I'm moving into now on my own, simply means I can be more choosy
: about who to take as a housemate, but it won't change the fact that I
: want to live with a friend (or more).

:   --  Cos (Ofer Inbar)  --  cos@leftbank.com  cos@cs.brandeis.edu
:   --  WBRS (100.1 FM)   --  WBRS@brandeis.edu http://www.wbrs.org/
:    Love: a blurring of the distinction between selfish and selfless.
-- 
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