🚀 go-pugleaf

KAREN BERZIN wrote:
> 
> Marguerite Petersen wrote:
> >
> > In article <DqF7Gt.918@bigtop.dr.att.com>,
> > Bentz Puryear  <bep@drmail.dr.att.com> wrote:
> > >petersm@PEAK.ORG (Marguerite Petersen) wrote:
> > >>In article <DqDHuH.HHt@bigtop.dr.att.com>,
> > >>Bentz Puryear  <bep@drmail.dr.att.com> wrote:
> > >>>
> > >>Precisely!  And this is where I personally believe that a LOT of
> > >>people fail themselves (and inevitably their children.) ie. they
> > >>*didn't* give it a lot of thought before they had them.  Of course,
> > >
> > >My wife and I were no spring chickens when we had our kids. We had been trying
> > >for some time and were using fertility drugs and had come down to the
> > >last month that we were going to try when she got pregnant. She was 37 and I
> > >was 35. We did give it a lot of thought and my wife had already made the
> > >decision to quit and stay home. We had been putting money away to tide us
> > >over. We had vacations all over and gotten alot of living out of the way. But
> > >even with all the forthought you still are supprised at the work and
> > >commitment it takes. And then after all the trouble getting pregnant the first
> > >time we were not as carefull as we should have been and boom she got pregnant
> > >again this time she's 40 and I am 37 SUPPRISE so what are you going to do.
> >
> > I DO believe this happens to many young people as well.  :-)
> >
> > >Kids having kids we thought we were ready but teenagers and even young 20's
> > >miss so much of their life when kids enter their life. I find it hard to
> > >believe
> > >that they could be ready for what it takes. I know I was not ready for kids
> > >when I was in my 20's to much to do and see that I would have never been able
> > >to do with kids.
> >
> > Well, as long as the responsibility is what the individuals wanted,
> > then the giving up (and there is a LOT of giving up), of *other*
> > things can be acceptable.  It was for me.  I have not traveled,
> > but then I wasn't all that interested in doing so.  And even with
> > kids, one can still do some things (such as travel), although the
> > traveling will have to be slightly different.  My husband and I liked
> > to go camping and that was possible with small children so we were
> > able to accomplish that goal.
> >
> > >>even with a lot of thought there can still be situations that come
> > >>up that weren't even thought of or considered (major longterm
> > >>illnesses, physical and mental disabilities, behavioral problems,
> > >>financial problems etc.)  SOME responsibilities inherent in child
> > >>rearing CAN be considered beforehand, others cannot.  However, it
> > >>does behoove one to be as *informed* as possible and then, and only
> > >>then make the decision to go ahead and become a parent realizing
> > >>that even though one believes they are prepared, there will still
> > >>be situations that they (the parents) are not prepared for and
> > >>realistically, can't always be.  Having and raising children is
> > >>a *true* commitment for LIFE; that commitment does NOT end, IMO,
> > >>at age 18.  (The commitment becomes lessened over time, but it
> > >>does not end.)  IF one does not *truly* wish to make such a
> > >>commitment, one should not be a parent, IMO.
> > >
> > >Yes I agree they never go away (I hope).
> >
> > My *kids* are now 26, 24 and 18.  They just *won't* go away.  :-)
> > Two of them have left the home (married) and the youngest will
> > be attending college next fall.  She will be living at home though
> > as we live 15 minutes from her college.  They all still congregate
> > at our home on a weekly basis.  I attribute this to a desire on
> > their part to still have contact with us and I am happy about that.
> > BUT, it does put pressures on my husband and myself.  Good ones,
> > though.
> >
> > I was very lucky my kids are really
> > >very good and very healthy. When I look at some of the problems friends of
> > >mine have had with kids, I really feel lucky. But then mine have not hit there
> > >teens yet soooo. The scary thing is even if you do every thing right the kids
> > >can still turn out bad, some times it all seems like luck with a little or alot
> > >of skill and love thrown in.
> >
> > Yup, that it does and is, IMO.  There are simply NO guarantees as to
> > how one's children will turn out.  It DOES behoove any parent, however,
> > to provide as much intelligence, skill, love and attention to their
> > children as they can possibly manage.  It can't hurt and it might
> > actually help.  Course, a little understanding helps as well.
> >
> > >--
> > >Bentz Puryear (303)538-4039             (bep@drmail.dr.att.com)
> >
> > Marg
> >
> > --
> >            Member PSEB   Official Sonneteer  JLP SoL
> >          Member NOWVOYAGER and Goddesses of the Internet
> >     petersm@peak.org  http://www.orst.edu/~peterseb/marg.html
> > I agree, lots of people get a REAL SHOCK WHEN THE SHILD IS ACTUALLY BORN
> AND BECOMES THEIR SOLE RESPONSIBILITY.  Personall I think it's OK not to
> have children if you don't want to.  There shouldn't be an onligation to
> reproduce: some people are good at parenting and some aren't.  Like most
> things in life.  Maybe, if we all understood more about ourselves and
> didn't let convention dictate to us then we wouldn't see so many used,
> abused, neglected and destroyed children.i do not know