🚀 go-pugleaf

In article <DqF7Gt.918@bigtop.dr.att.com>,
Bentz Puryear  <bep@drmail.dr.att.com> wrote:
>petersm@PEAK.ORG (Marguerite Petersen) wrote:
>>In article <DqDHuH.HHt@bigtop.dr.att.com>,
>>Bentz Puryear  <bep@drmail.dr.att.com> wrote:
>>>
>>Precisely!  And this is where I personally believe that a LOT of
>>people fail themselves (and inevitably their children.) ie. they 
>>*didn't* give it a lot of thought before they had them.  Of course,
>
>My wife and I were no spring chickens when we had our kids. We had been trying
>for some time and were using fertility drugs and had come down to the
>last month that we were going to try when she got pregnant. She was 37 and I
>was 35. We did give it a lot of thought and my wife had already made the
>decision to quit and stay home. We had been putting money away to tide us
>over. We had vacations all over and gotten alot of living out of the way. But
>even with all the forthought you still are supprised at the work and 
>commitment it takes. And then after all the trouble getting pregnant the first
>time we were not as carefull as we should have been and boom she got pregnant
>again this time she's 40 and I am 37 SUPPRISE so what are you going to do.

I DO believe this happens to many young people as well.  :-)  

>Kids having kids we thought we were ready but teenagers and even young 20's
>miss so much of their life when kids enter their life. I find it hard to
>believe
>that they could be ready for what it takes. I know I was not ready for kids
>when I was in my 20's to much to do and see that I would have never been able
>to do with kids.

Well, as long as the responsibility is what the individuals wanted,
then the giving up (and there is a LOT of giving up), of *other*
things can be acceptable.  It was for me.  I have not traveled,
but then I wasn't all that interested in doing so.  And even with
kids, one can still do some things (such as travel), although the
traveling will have to be slightly different.  My husband and I liked
to go camping and that was possible with small children so we were
able to accomplish that goal.  

>>even with a lot of thought there can still be situations that come
>>up that weren't even thought of or considered (major longterm 
>>illnesses, physical and mental disabilities, behavioral problems,
>>financial problems etc.)  SOME responsibilities inherent in child
>>rearing CAN be considered beforehand, others cannot.  However, it
>>does behoove one to be as *informed* as possible and then, and only
>>then make the decision to go ahead and become a parent realizing 
>>that even though one believes they are prepared, there will still
>>be situations that they (the parents) are not prepared for and
>>realistically, can't always be.  Having and raising children is
>>a *true* commitment for LIFE; that commitment does NOT end, IMO,
>>at age 18.  (The commitment becomes lessened over time, but it
>>does not end.)  IF one does not *truly* wish to make such a
>>commitment, one should not be a parent, IMO.
>
>Yes I agree they never go away (I hope). 

My *kids* are now 26, 24 and 18.  They just *won't* go away.  :-)
Two of them have left the home (married) and the youngest will
be attending college next fall.  She will be living at home though
as we live 15 minutes from her college.  They all still congregate
at our home on a weekly basis.  I attribute this to a desire on
their part to still have contact with us and I am happy about that.
BUT, it does put pressures on my husband and myself.  Good ones,
though.

I was very lucky my kids are really
>very good and very healthy. When I look at some of the problems friends of
>mine have had with kids, I really feel lucky. But then mine have not hit there
>teens yet soooo. The scary thing is even if you do every thing right the kids
>can still turn out bad, some times it all seems like luck with a little or alot
>of skill and love thrown in.

Yup, that it does and is, IMO.  There are simply NO guarantees as to
how one's children will turn out.  It DOES behoove any parent, however,
to provide as much intelligence, skill, love and attention to their
children as they can possibly manage.  It can't hurt and it might
actually help.  Course, a little understanding helps as well.

>-- 
>Bentz Puryear (303)538-4039      	 (bep@drmail.dr.att.com)

Marg



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