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Article #449

Re: 70% Said, Given A Second Chance, They Wouldn't Have Had Kids

#449
From: Marguerite Petersen
Date: Wed, 24 Apr 1996 00:00
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In article <DqDHuH.HHt@bigtop.dr.att.com>,
Bentz Puryear  <bep@drmail.dr.att.com> wrote:
>jcooley@world.std.com (John Cooley) wrote:
>>I just saw on one of those news shows on night TV an interview by Jane Pauly
>>of Ann Landers.  Two of the stats that surprised me was that Ann Landers
>>said when she asked her readers if they could do it all over again:
>>
>>         - Only 55% said they would have married their current spouse.
>>
>>         - 70% said they wouldn't have had kids if they could do it again.
>
>I too saw this and gave it some thought, I love my kids but to do it all
>over again, I don't know. 

Well, *I* know how I would respond.  A most resounding YES, I would
do it all over again, in a heartbeat.  I have NO doubts about that.

Its so much work, its so hard keep your relationship
>going. The pressure of supporting not only yourself but your wife and kids.
>The problems that kids cause and mine are only 6 and 8, I can hardly wait until
>they are teenagers. 

As one of the parents of 3 "young adults", my advice to you is JUST WAIT.
You don't even *know* what trouble is yet.  :-)  Although, as they get
older, *some* of the responsibility drops from YOUR shoulders; though
not all.  Yes, it most definitely IS work to raise, successfully, our
children.  More than most people are aware of when they first decide
to HAVE children.

Like I said I love them and would do anything for them
>but to have to start all over I would have to give it some serious thought.

Precisely!  And this is where I personally believe that a LOT of
people fail themselves (and inevitably their children.) ie. they 
*didn't* give it a lot of thought before they had them.  Of course,
even with a lot of thought there can still be situations that come
up that weren't even thought of or considered (major longterm 
illnesses, physical and mental disabilities, behavioral problems,
financial problems etc.)  SOME responsibilities inherent in child
rearing CAN be considered beforehand, others cannot.  However, it
does behoove one to be as *informed* as possible and then, and only
then make the decision to go ahead and become a parent realizing 
that even though one believes they are prepared, there will still
be situations that they (the parents) are not prepared for and
realistically, can't always be.  Having and raising children is
a *true* commitment for LIFE; that commitment does NOT end, IMO,
at age 18.  (The commitment becomes lessened over time, but it
does not end.)  IF one does not *truly* wish to make such a
commitment, one should not be a parent, IMO.

>Bentz Puryear (303)538-4039      	 (bep@drmail.dr.att.com)
>http://info.dr.att.com/~bep/index.html (From inside Lucent Technologies only)
>Lucent Technologies (formaly AT&T) Bell Labs Denver Co. 
>11900 N. Pecos, Rm. 31Y31 Denver, Co. 80234
>

Marg

-- 
           Member PSEB   Official Sonneteer  JLP SoL  
    	 Member NOWVOYAGER and Goddesses of the Internet 
    petersm@peak.org  http://www.orst.edu/~peterseb/marg.html
	   
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From: petersm@PEAK.ORG (Marguerite Petersen)
Subject: Re: 70% Said, Given A Second Chance, They Wouldn't Have Had Kids
Date: 1996/04/24
Message-ID: <4lmga4$bfk@PEAK.ORG>
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references: <DqCMDn.HwD@world.std.com> <DqDHuH.HHt@bigtop.dr.att.com>
organization: CS Outreach Services, Oregon State University, Corvallis, OR, USA
newsgroups: ne.singles,soc.women,soc.men,ba.singles,soc.couples,rec.org.mensa