🚀 go-pugleaf

petersm@PEAK.ORG (Marguerite Petersen) wrote:
>In article <DqDHuH.HHt@bigtop.dr.att.com>,
>Bentz Puryear  <bep@drmail.dr.att.com> wrote:
>>jcooley@world.std.com (John Cooley) wrote:
>>>I just saw on one of those news shows on night TV an interview by Jane Pauly
>>>of Ann Landers.  Two of the stats that surprised me was that Ann Landers
>>>said when she asked her readers if they could do it all over again:
>>>
>>>         - Only 55% said they would have married their current spouse.
>>>
>>>         - 70% said they wouldn't have had kids if they could do it again.
>>
>>I too saw this and gave it some thought, I love my kids but to do it all
>>over again, I don't know. 
>
>Well, *I* know how I would respond.  A most resounding YES, I would
>do it all over again, in a heartbeat.  I have NO doubts about that.
>
>Its so much work, its so hard keep your relationship
>>going. The pressure of supporting not only yourself but your wife and kids.
>>The problems that kids cause and mine are only 6 and 8, I can hardly wait until
>>they are teenagers. 
>
>As one of the parents of 3 "young adults", my advice to you is JUST WAIT.
>You don't even *know* what trouble is yet.  :-)  Although, as they get
>older, *some* of the responsibility drops from YOUR shoulders; though
>not all.  Yes, it most definitely IS work to raise, successfully, our
>children.  More than most people are aware of when they first decide
>to HAVE children.
>
>Like I said I love them and would do anything for them
>>but to have to start all over I would have to give it some serious thought.
>
>Precisely!  And this is where I personally believe that a LOT of
>people fail themselves (and inevitably their children.) ie. they 
>*didn't* give it a lot of thought before they had them.  Of course,

My wife and I were no spring chickens when we had our kids. We had been trying
for some time and were using fertility drugs and had come down to the
last month that we were going to try when she got pregnant. She was 37 and I
was 35. We did give it a lot of thought and my wife had already made the
decision to quit and stay home. We had been putting money away to tide us
over. We had vacations all over and gotten alot of living out of the way. But
even with all the forthought you still are supprised at the work and 
commitment it takes. And then after all the trouble getting pregnant the first
time we were not as carefull as we should have been and boom she got pregnant
again this time she's 40 and I am 37 SUPPRISE so what are you going to do.
Kids having kids we thought we were ready but teenagers and even young 20's
miss so much of their life when kids enter their life. I find it hard to
believe
that they could be ready for what it takes. I know I was not ready for kids
when I was in my 20's to much to do and see that I would have never been able
to do with kids.

>even with a lot of thought there can still be situations that come
>up that weren't even thought of or considered (major longterm 
>illnesses, physical and mental disabilities, behavioral problems,
>financial problems etc.)  SOME responsibilities inherent in child
>rearing CAN be considered beforehand, others cannot.  However, it
>does behoove one to be as *informed* as possible and then, and only
>then make the decision to go ahead and become a parent realizing 
>that even though one believes they are prepared, there will still
>be situations that they (the parents) are not prepared for and
>realistically, can't always be.  Having and raising children is
>a *true* commitment for LIFE; that commitment does NOT end, IMO,
>at age 18.  (The commitment becomes lessened over time, but it
>does not end.)  IF one does not *truly* wish to make such a
>commitment, one should not be a parent, IMO.

Yes I agree they never go away (I hope). I was very lucky my kids are really
very good and very healthy. When I look at some of the problems friends of
mine have had with kids, I really feel lucky. But then mine have not hit there
teens yet soooo. The scary thing is even if you do every thing right the kids
can still turn out bad, some times it all seems like luck with a little or alot
of skill and love thrown in.

>
>>Bentz Puryear (303)538-4039      	 (bep@drmail.dr.att.com)
>>http://info.dr.att.com/~bep/index.html (From inside Lucent Technologies only)
>>Lucent Technologies (formaly AT&T) Bell Labs Denver Co. 
>>11900 N. Pecos, Rm. 31Y31 Denver, Co. 80234
>>
>
>Marg
>
>-- 
>           Member PSEB   Official Sonneteer  JLP SoL  
>    	 Member NOWVOYAGER and Goddesses of the Internet 
>    petersm@peak.org  http://www.orst.edu/~peterseb/marg.html
>	   

-- 
Bentz Puryear (303)538-4039      	 (bep@drmail.dr.att.com)
http://info.dr.att.com/~bep/index.html (From inside Lucent Technologies only)
Lucent Technologies (formaly AT&T) Bell Labs Denver Co. 
11900 N. Pecos, Rm. 31Y31 Denver, Co. 80234