🚀 go-pugleaf

In response to my request for inoffensive jokes, these jokes were
posted to the net with obvious disregard for the people who will
undoubtedly be offended by them:


>	    A mother mouse was taking her large brood for a stroll
>	across the kitchen floor one day when the local cat, by a feat
>	of stealth unusual even for its species, managed to trap them in
>	a corner.  The children cowered, terrified by this fearsome
>	beast, plaintively crying, "Help, Mother!  Save us!  Save us!
>	We're scared, Mother!"
>	    Mother Mouse, with the hopeless valor of a parent protecting
>	its children, turned with her teeth bared to the cat towering
>	huge above them and suddenly began to bark in a fashion that
>	would have done any Doberman proud.  The startled cat fled in
>	fear for its life.  As her grateful offspring flocked around her
>	shouting "Oh, Mother, you saved us!" and "Yay!  You scared the
>	cat away!" she turned to them purposefully and declared:
>	    "You see how useful it is to know a second language?"
>
>
	See my previous posting about the offensiveness of talking
animals. This joke is also offensive to cat owners who take exception
that cats can be frightened by mice or barking dogs. You think cats
are COWARDS? Well, hey, buddy, not my cat "Rambo". He woulda KILT that
damn puny mouse, you JERK! Jeeeze, I am sooo MAD!!! It also is offensive 
to men  - why must it always be a MOTHER mouse who defends 
her kittens? This stereotypical portrayal of male cats (and by extension 
- all males) as unwilling to shoulder their burden is disgraceful.
Let's face it, this is a thinly disguised piece of feminist
propaganda is obviously designed to support the underlying belief in
America that men are not worthy parents. Didn't you see Kramer vs Kramer?
This sort of insidious reiforcement of outdated sexist dogma has no
place in American society.    Dammit. 


>
>
>
>	    A circus foreman was making the rounds inspecting the big
>	top when a scrawny little man entered the tent and walked up to
>	him.  "Are you the foreman around here?" he asked timidly.  "I'd
>	like to join your circus; I have what I think is a pretty good
>	act."  The foreman nodded assent, whereupon the little man
>	hurried over to the main pole and rapidly climbed up to the very
>	tip-top of the big top.  Drawing a deep breath, he hurled
>	himself off into the air and began flapping his arms furiously.
>	Amazingly, rather than plummeting to his death the little man
>	began to fly all around the poles, lines, trapezes and other
>	obstacles, performing astounding feats of aerobatics which ended
>	in a long power dive from the top of the tent, pulling up into a
>	gentle feet-first landing beside the foreman, who had been
>	nonchalantly watching the whole time.
>	    "Well," puffed the little man.  "What do you think?"
>	    "That's all you do?" answered the foreman scornfully.  "Bird
>	imitations?"
>
>
	My buddy Robin (Birdy) Kingfisher does bird imitations. The 
foreman's callous and unthinking characterization of bird imitations as
inferior upset Robin so much that he fell off his perch into his birdseed.
The psychologists are with him now, but I'm not sure he'll ever be the 
same.  Then I told this joke to my friend Wally, who is a foreman with the
"Sucker-a-Minute" Travelling Circus, and he said, "Jokes such as this only
serve to exacerbate the commonly held misconception that circus employees
are not particularly erudite or insightful. I, for one, am insulted. I 
shall engage the considerable talents of my friend Large Louis to aid
this jokester in seeing the error of his or her ways."

>
>
>1) A woman dreamt she was talking to God when He sneezed.
>She didn't know what to say to that. (I didn't get it until
>I thought of the usual response to a sneeze: God bless you?)

	God sneezing? My word! What an offensive idea. I don't care
if the woman was only dreaming, the very idea that God would do something
so crass as to sneeze, or was susceptible to colds, is offensive to
all right-thinking, pious worshippers. How dare you!

>
>2) Two crazy people are talking to each other. One asks "Are you
>a Giant fan?" The other replies "No, I'm an airconditioner".

	Hey, buddy, I used to LIVE in San Francisco, and I RESENT your
implication that Giant fans are CRAZY. I tried to tell this joke to
my friend Robin (Birdy) Kingfisher in the home, but when I said the
word "crazy", Robin became agitated and the doctors threw me out, saying:
"We don't think of our patients as *crazy*. We find that terminaology to
be highly offensive. We like to call them *fruitcakes*."

>
>3) It's been discovered that you can get a disease from kissing birds
>called Chirpes. But don't worry, it's tweetable.
>
>
	I have a friend who has herpes - and it has caused him no end
of agony. Your joke belittling herpes is hurtful and offensive. My friend
tried to commit suicide after hearing this joke because he thought that
the world was ridiculing him. They put him in the room next to my friend
Robin. It was terrible - Robin managed to peck his way through the rubber
on the walls and got into the herpetic's room. Yes, it's tragic, Robin
now HAS Chirpes, and the ugly sores on his beak are MOST offensive.


You're going to have to do better than this... all these jokes are
offensive.

	--MKR