🚀 go-pugleaf

I would like to remind users that there is a "Recreational APL" column in
*APL Quote Quad* by my friend Jim Brown at the IBM Santa Teresa
Laboratory.  The jist of the current column is that Jim has appointed
himself the "APL Joke Editor," and is currently looking for jokes that
could convievably be about empty arrays. If you have a favorite
empty-array joke, please send it to

      Jim Brown
      "APL Joke Editor"
      6828 Eldridge Drive
      San Jose, California
      USA  95120

or, if you like, I will send them in for you.  If you would like me to
do the sending, just say something like "Please submit this to the APL
Joke Contest" in the entry, and I will take it from there (giving you
the credit, of course).

The first entries in the contest are as follows:

1) Customer: I'd like to have strawberries without cream.
   Waiter:   We haven't any cream.
   Customer: Do you have yogurt?
   Waiter:   Sure, we have yogurt.
   Customer: Okay, I'll have them without yogurt.

2) Lady:     What price are your pork chops?
   Butcher:  $5.98 per pound.
   Lady:     That's outrageous!  Mr. Schmidt, down the street, charges
             only $3.98 per pound.
   Butcher:  Why don't you buy them from Mr. Schmidt, then?
   Lady:     He's all out of them today.
   Butcher:  Lady, when I'm all out of chops, I charge only $2.98 for
             them.

3) Man to lady at party: Didn't I meet you in Zanzibar last year?
   Lady:     No, I've never been to Zanzibar.
   Man:      Meither have I. It must have been two other people.

4)



5) How many empty arrays does it take to screw in a light bulb?
   



The last two are somewhat questionable, but were published for having
been submitted and fitting the criteria of the contest..

The rules to the contest (as repeated from p.24 of V.12, N.2 *APL Quote
Quad*) are as follows:
 
--Any story dealing with emptiness, nothingness, the absence of
  something, something left out, or zeroness (as in the shape of an empty
  vector) is acceptable.
--Pictures, drawings, and cartoons are acceptable, if not copyrighted
  (but they will not be published in *APL Quote Quad*; they may be
  published elsewhere).
--Cash prizes will not exceed 10 dollars.
--Jim Brown is the sold judge of the contest.
--There is no time limit on entries.

So come on, let's see wht the people on this net can come up with!

George Otto
Bell Labs, Indian Hill