🚀 go-pugleaf

Some jokes from my pages: http://home.sol.no/~rlovlid

The following quotes were taken from actual medical records dictated
by physicians. They appeared in a column written by Richard Lederer,
Ph.D., for the Journal of Court Reporting.

 * By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he
was feeling better.

 * Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a
year.

 * The patient states there is a burning pain in his penis which goes
to his feet.

 * On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had
   completely disappeared.

 * She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she
was very hot in bed last night.

 * I will be happy to go into her GI system; she seems ready and
anxious.

 * Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing. I
have suggested that he loosen his pants before standing, and then,
when he stands with the help of his wife, they should fall to the
floor.

 * The patient is tearful and crying constantly.  She also appears to
be depressed.

 * Discharge status: Alive but without permission. The patient will
need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of
him.

 * Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but
   forgetful.

 * The patient refused an autopsy.

 * The patient has no past history of suicides.

 * The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.

 * Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.

 * Patient was becoming more demented with urinary frequency.

 * The patient's past medical history has been remarkably
insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

 * She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate
   directions in early December.

 * The patient experienced sudden onset of severe shortness of breath
with a picture of acute pulmonary edema at home while having sex which
   gradually deteriorated in the emergency room.

 * The patient left the hospital feeling much better except for her
   original complaints.

= = = = = = =

U.N. TAKES SWIFT AND DECISIVE ACTION

The Allies have decided to take action against Saddam Hussein.
The Americans are sending 10,000 troops and two aircraft carriers.
The French are sending 4,000 Legionaries.
The British are sending 250 teenage au-pairs.

= = = = = =

IF THEY MARRIED

If Yoko Ono married Sonny Bono, she'd be Yoko Ono Bono.

If Dolly Parton married Salvador Dali, she'd be Dolly Dali.

If Bo Derek married Don Ho, she'd be Bo Ho.

If Oprah Winfrey married Depak Chopra, she'd be Oprah Chopra.

If Cat Stevens married Snoop Doggy Dogg -- hey, it's the '90's -- he'd
be
Cat Doggy Dogg.

If Olivia Newton-John married Wayne Newton, then divorced him to marry
Elton John, she'd be Olivia Newton-John Newton John.



--
"you're not me, therefore you're irrelevant" Dogbert
rlovlid@online no
http://home.sol.no/~rlovlid New joke pages last update 23.nov.97