🚀 go-pugleaf

The question should be 'why do we play games to begin with?'.  It is a
given that it happens.  Both sides do it.  Why?  I can't believe it is
just insecurity.  It can sometimes be that one party is quietly
asserting themselves to the other.  Maybe because they don't know how
to assert themselves without conflict.  Bill is taking Jane for
granted so Jane doesn't return calls to Bill to make him 'sweat' and
change his behaviour.  When one party to the relationship views the
other as not being as committed to the relationship, that party feigns
indifference as a self-protection mechanism.  The solution would seem
to be to open up communication.  In theory this is true.  In practice,
the offending party claims that they are committed and the issue
stagnates.  The solution probably is quite different.  I think it
should be a proactive thing.  You should know what your partner needs
to have happen in order to let them know that you are committed to the
relationship.  Prevent the insecurity from happening to begin with by
taking the time to let your partner know you care.  The trick is to do
it without them noticing you are doing it.  Otherwise, they may feel
trapped or that you are too 'needy'.

On the opposite end of the scale.  Honesty that results in the
recipient running away is probably a result of one of 2 things.  One,
you were 'brutally' honest (i.e. favoring honesty over sensitivity).
Two, expressing your feelings to such a degree that the other party
feels that there is no way that they can recipricate those feelings
(i.e. you are too needy).  It actually makes the person question their
feelings about you because they think they don't feel as strongly
about the relationship as you do.  Not wanting to hurt you any
further, they run away.  The first one is tough because men and women
are sensitive to different things (surprise!).  The second can be
handled by figuring out how your partner wants to receive those
feelings instead of projecting them the way you would want them.
Doing the dishes may project more love in a way that your partner can
accept than to send her roses.

IMHO,
Tom
rhanda@mleko.xocolatl.com (Rhanda Regent) wrote:


>Normally I wouldn't respond just because of the high number of 
>groups this thread is posting too.  However, it pretty much seems 
>to be on target topic wise.

>Does every woman play head games?

>At least one does not, me!  I don't play any games unless they are 
>consentual in nature, and both parties are old enough and
>intelligent enough and mature enough to consent.

>Yet, I have found, since living this policy 100% and being 100% 
>upfront and honest about that policy that the individuals I become
>involved with get very scared and run away.

>Is there a person out there secure enough to take on a
>woman who doesn't play games?

>Rhanda

>This is not a wanna!  It is a bonified question.


>Nina@ wrote:
>: In <30EB5E3D.26B7@mit.edu>, "Simonetta A. Rodriguez" <simonett@mit.edu> writes:
>: >Robert Sheaffer wrote:
>: >> 
>: >> Be careful.
>: >> 
>: >> SAYING that she doesn't play head games is probably part of
>: >> her head game.......
>: >> 
>: >> --
>: >> 
>: >> Robert Sheaffer - sheaffer@siemensrolm.com - Skeptical to the Max!
>: >
>: >I've been wondering throughout this thread, when someone would define 
>: >"head game," precisely.  What qualifies as a head game, what does not?
>: >I am wondering if anyone can truly say that they never do this, 
>: >whatever it is.
>: >
>: >-- 
>: >Simonetta A. Rodriguez
>: >http://web.mit.edu/simonett/www/


>: From what actions of the female sex I've observed, HEAD GAMES 
>: involves any or all of the following:

>: Lying
>: Guilt Trips (or reservations for a Guilt Trip....)
>: Manipulation
>: Pouting
>: Deceit (also see lying)
>: using sex as a weapon
>: screwing around
>: jealousy 

>: and the list goes on and on....

>: BTW, men are just as capable of these games, it's just that guys are USUALLY more
>: realistic than women, and usually more blunt so you don't encounter the games as
>: much from the male end as the female...