🚀 go-pugleaf

From: glenna@teleport.com (Glenna Rose)
[specific experience snipped]
>Have others had experiences where they have been accused of playing
>games when they weren't at all?

yes.   once i was involved with someone for several months and we'd
discussed getting more involved in each other's lives....e.g, actually
spending the whole weekend together vs. 1-2 nites/week!    he was getting
a divorce and wasn't ready for that much 'closeness.'  i understood his
feelings, and i also felt that altho i liked him a lot, we weren't
compatible in some other important ways, so it didn't make sense to stick
with the relationship till he felt ready to be closer.     so i told him
that i wanted to end the sexual/romantic relationship for those reasons.  
to my shock, he accused me of putting an "ultimatum" to him to either
spend more time together or break up!    i said,  "No, I'm just telling
you that that this is not working for me and that I'm therefore making a
decision to end it.    I've never had anyone change their behavior for me,
so it would be the last thing i would expect or ask for!"   

Now I truly presented the break up as a 'done deal' from my side, not a
'here's what i'm thinking about....' speech.    so i was completely taken
aback that he thought i was even giving him a *choice* much less an
ultimatum!   We talked for hours,but he never did seem to get the
difference between an ultimatum and someone making a decision for
themselves.     Fortunately, we *did* get thru, stayed friends and have
been for years since.     but it was *very* frustrating to be accused of
something devious when i was being incredibly clean and direct in my
behavior!