🚀 go-pugleaf

myway@ix.netcom.com (BAYCITIES GROUP ) writes:

>OOOOPS!  This argument has been going around since dating began...
>    the answers sometimes lay before you and you just refuse to get up
>    and smell the essentials of the problem...women go out with a man
>    under expectations which he must live up to prior to her being any
>    kind of woman for him.  This is inherently true.  Women make men up
>    to be "what i want him to be like" when with me.  Self-protection
>    motive, I guess.

There are no two individuals alike, making it difficult to
generalize about behavior. Communicate yourself and you won't
be feeling unspoken expectations. It's perfectly alright to 
accept invitations of time shared, or dinner out, or whatever
as long as the two people understand up front what the strings
are, if any. But don't expect anything simply because of money
expended, by either side. 
Lay your cards on the table, if your gifts have conditions.

>    But us men get this from most women...we are expected to perform
>    for them...and the better we perform the better score we get and
>    all this to happen on a date...which we are responsible for from
>    minute one to minutes past reality.

>    why not change the expectation-trip a bit?  why not be a person
>    first and show the man you are able to enjoy yourself just by being
>    who you are with him or without?  in other words, share the costs
>    of going out.  take responsibility for your fun.take responsibility
jo>    for what enjoyment you have going to a particular place with a man
>    who is a person to.  

>    You pay your way and he pays his.  How many dates go on to number 
>    two?  Just not there.  Accepting responsibility for your fun means

Your blanketing the whole world based on narrow experience. And your
wrong on top of it.

>    just that: pay for what you enjoy.  let him pay for his enjoyment
>    as he has been paying for yours too: with expectations attached.
>    Take away the expectation he has from this procedure and you will
>    no longer have this attitude that all men want your bones and will
>    jump you when they will because they paid for you by taking you out
>    and shelling out funds to purchase that expected move as the date
>    gets to be over.

I suggest you let all your  companions know your outlines up front.
As I would suggest with anyone. No one owns another, body or soul,
no matter what price they've paid. Generosity and gift giving does
occur out of love of heart, without payback implicated. So whatever
you are or want, communicate. Speak your lanquage.

>    It's sort of a package offer.  Men pay for your time with them and 
>    expect their reward.  It's a unit kind of thing: it comes with the
>    price of the tickets they pay...like taking a ride on the train and
>    the goodies reside in the caboose...that is where they are heading
>    for when you begin...it's the expected destination.

Maybe for you it is. 
>    So become a responsible person and allow him the pleasure of your
>    company with no need to "pay" for your time.  Share the cost of
>    the time together.  If you don't like him, then you are free to 
>    go on another train when you desire to switch. You can even meet
>    another man on the same train and go with him on his...there is
>    nothing which holds you to any one date...if you so choose not
>    to continue. 

>    Quit the excuse all women use.  You set this up and you get what
>    you get: a man who wants the full use of the body he rents for 
>    the night...hey, that is reality.  

That's your reality. Its a wonder you've found anyone to relate to.
Do you keep score with every relationship in your life? 
>    Quit being redundant and awaken to the fact that you create your
>    own disappointment because of your expectations too: you expect him
>    to do....(fill in) 

Expectations are the source of much agony. Practice love that has
no expectation. Non-conditional.
>    summation: you go out with a friend and you share costs.  With a
>new man you assume he wants more than you are able or willing to go
>into with him..but you make him pay for your time...you take this out
>    of the equation and that changes...he knows you are able to quit
>    this date anytime...it's your time and your money and your choosing
>    to go on from any moment with him.  He's aware that you are on your
>    own...you are aware he is not expecting more than you are willing 
>    to share with him... if you don't get along, fine.  

$ is not the determining factor of content.
No one has rights over another.
Your solution is simplistic. Communication works better.

posted for a female friend.....

>    Each of you spent time with each other for your own reasons by
>    paying costs which helps the other allay the anxieties brought by 
>    both sexes to the date you shared.  Take your want to be with a man
>    and understand his want to be with a woman...and each of you change
>    the expectations which exist...pay for your participation as you
>    would with anyone else other than a date.  

>    Get rid of the past by improving the present: change your outlook
>    and you help him see you as a person who he may like for herself
>    or may not.  He may not be able to appreciate you if you come to
>    him as an equal.  Or vica versa...  

>    Create a bridge for him to cross that you will cross with him.
>    Quit putting up toll booths for him to assess and be charged for.
>    
>    GROW UP!


>    BILL