🚀 go-pugleaf

On Aug 24, 10:54 pm, kony <s...@spam.com> wrote:

> On Fri, 24 Aug 2007 17:58:57 -0700, Radium

> <gluceg...@gmail.com> wrote:
> >Why does everyone assume that this enjoyment of mine is sexual? Sure
> >it maybe weird but it's anything other than sexual. It has no relation
> >to eroticism or romance.

> Typically, the relation would be lack of /romance/.  If you
> had a need, a real goal you were trying to meet, it would
> make sense.  Otherwise it's just a folly when there are so
> many better follies (like romance).

The tones I describe are something I'm interested. It's like one of my
many hobbies.

> >FYI, there are non-sexual psychological pleasures -- this is one of
> >them.
>
> Certainly, but this isn't likely to be one of them.

What gives you that idea?

> >Certain things that are scary can also be enjoyable. Why else
> >would we visit outer space, land on the moon, or explore volcanoes?
> >Why else would roller-coasters or terrifying movies be on demand?

> I do hope you're not trying to compare listening to a modem
> to man's inherant desire to explore the world around him,
> since a modem's tones are a fairly short, boring diversion
> from other things, shorter than the time it took to write
> your post.

> In short I suspect you're substituting these crazy
> diversions to distract from, avoid some other thing in your
> life than needs attention.  It may not be sexual at all, but
> /romance/ is certainly another diversion that is at least
> more enjoyable and engrossing (or at least it could be if
> you put as much time into it as thinking about modem tones).

I think my interests relate more to my own experiences.

My birthdate is 10-22-83. On the end of December of '89 -- around a
week before Christmas -- I experienced a blow to my head that cause me
to feel like I was in a different universe. I was playing basketball
in my school, I ran after the ball trying to
catch it, but instead hit my head on a metal pole [used to hold a
tetherball].

My symptoms because much worse after January of '90. The symptoms
ended in the end of May of '91. Ironically, the headache was not
severe and only lasted about a day after the injury.

The symptoms were mostly psychological but very frightening.
Strangely, they were scary and enjoyable at the same time.

Here were my symptoms:

1. Paroxysmal dissociative states
2. Flashbacks of my house in Stamford, Connecticut [which my parents
and I moved out in July of '86]
3. Abnormal dreams consisting of Stamford, the sun suddenly losing its
light [causing the sky to go dark], as well as sounds emitted by
electronic devices [such the interference on the AM radio and
heterodyne tones], and computer error messages.
4. Obsession with outer space, as well as the strange sounds emitted
by electronic equipment. I used to often play my Nintendo when it was
connected to channel 3. However, I was change the TV channel to 4. I
could see the video of the game but it was fuzzy and covered in
grains. The music of the game was absent, and instead was filled with
frightening-yet-enjoyable tones [sounding like a buzzer, lawn mower,
or electric shaver] along with a faint audio of what was being
discussed on the channel 4 news. I would get so scared, yet I would
enjoy it. I would get scared when I saw computer error messages --
especially if I knew they were resulting from some remote network
issues -- yet I would enjoy it too. My dad's PC used Windows 3.0 at
the time and had a dial-up internet connection. There were often
errors on this PC when I used it. These errors related to some distant
malfunction. Again, this was pleasurable and scary for me at the same
time.
5. Whenever I would change or look at the settings on the TV, I would
often see the inside my Stamford home. Particularly the "CATV" sign
caused me to see into the hallway and one of the bedrooms in my
Stamford home.
6. At night, the sounds of the dogs barking would really scare me --
for no reason. I'd have to plug my ears and close all the windows [to
soften the barks] in order to be in peace.
7. On the school bus, I would feel disconnected and terrified when the
CB radio emitted sounds consisting of radio-frequency interferences.
8. I got a scored of 5 -- out of what, I don't remember -- on my
spelling test. When I look at the '5', pictures of my Stamford home
began to flicker in my eyes.
9. Paroxysmal Out-of-body experiences
10. Paroxysmal Visual and auditory hallucinations
11. Paroxysmal periods where my sense of time would be shortened
dramatically - 5 hour felt like 5 minutes.
12. Panic attacks
13. Trance-like states

>From Jan of '90 to May of '91, my world was filled with these
terrifying-yet-enjoyable symptoms.

On 9-9-90, I had probably one of the most strange and scary symptoms.
I was fully awake yet I got the feeling that I was going to start
dreaming. It was the feeling I usually get if I wake up in the middle
of the night and then experience sleep paralysis. There is a strange
feeling I will usually get [a warning] before sleep paralysis sets in
and I start to dream -- usually in the form of nightmares. I can't
remember what happened on 9-9-90 after the 'warning'. I do know that
there was no paralysis.

I didn't tell my family about this head injury until recently. I
didn't think it was that important. The day of the injury, I had a
mild-headache and experienced mild versions of the about 13 symptoms.
However, the pain was gone, the next day. Hence, being the naive kid I
was, thought that it wasn't of concern. The 13 symptoms also
temporarily subsided after the next day, however, it re-surfaced
tremendously as New Years approached. At Jan of '90 an onwards it
became emotionally-unbearable for me. Finally ending in May of '91.