🚀 go-pugleaf

I found this list a couple of years ago, and I thought with the current
situation/debate on this newsgroup, it was time to post it to clear
everything up.....

Subject: Real Programmers
 
 
Real Programmers disdain structured programming.  Structured programming 
    is for compulsive neurotics who were prematurely toilet-trained.  
    They wear neckties and carefully line up pencils on an otherwise 
    clear desk.
Real Programmers don't believe in schedules.  Planners make schedules.  
    Managers firm up schedules.  Frightened coders strive to meet 
    schedules.  Real programmers ignore schedules.
Real Programmers don't bring brown-bag lunches.  If the vending machine 
    sells it, they eat it.  If the vending machine doesn't sell it, they 
    don't eat it.  Vending machines don't sell quiche.
Real Programmers don't comment their code.  If it was hard to write, 
    it should be hard to understand.
Real Programmers don't document.  Documentation is for simps who can't read 
    the listings or object deck.
Real Programmers don't draw flowcharts.  Cavemen drew flowcharts and look 
    how much good it did them.
Real Programmers don't eat quiche.  in fact, real programmers don't know how 
    to spell quiche.  They eat twinkies and szechuan food.
Real Programmers don't play tennis or any other sport that requires you 
    to change clothes.  Mountain climbing is OK, and real programmers wear 
    their climbing boots to work in case a mountain should suddenly spring up 
    in the middle of the machine room.
Real Programmers don't write application programs.  They program right down 
    to the bare metal.  Application programming is for feebs who can't do 
    system programming.
Real Programmers don't write in APL, unless the whole program can be 
    written in one line.
Real Programmers don't write in BASIC.  Actually, no programmers write in 
    BASIC, after the age of 12.
Real Programmers don't write in COBOL.  COBOL is for wimpy applications 
    programmers.
Real Programmers don't write in FORTRAN.  FORTRAN is for pipe-stress freaks 
    and crystallography weenies.
Real Programmers don't write in LISP.  Only faggot programs contain more
    parenthesis than actual code.
Real Programmers don't write in PASCAL or BLISS or ADA, or any of those 
    pinko computer science languages.  Strong typing is for people with 
    weak memories.
Real Programmers don't write in PL/1.  PL/1 is for programmers who can't 
    decide whether to write in COBOL or FORTRAN.
Real Programmers don't write in "C".  There had to be something wrong with 
    a language who's next generation gets a lower grade than its prior.
Real Programmers write in the machine's native binary code, ASM macros are 
    for those who can't divide HEX numbers in their head.
Real Programmers don't write specs - users should consider themselves lucky 
    to get any programs at all and take what they get.
Real Programmers like vending-machine popcorn.  Coders pop it in the 
    microwave oven.  Real programmers use the heat from the CPU.  They can 
    tell which jobs are running from the rate of popping.
Real Programmers never work 9 to 5.  If any real programmers are around at 
    9am, it's because they were up all night.
Real Programmers scorn floating-point arithmetic.  The decimal point was 
    invented for pansy bed wetters who are unable to think big.
Real Programmers' programs never work right the first time.  But if you throw
    them on the machine, they can be patched into working in 'only a few' 
    30-hour debugging sessions.
 
That outta clear things up.......

Later,
Mike Duffy (mduffy@aludra.usc.edu)