🚀 go-pugleaf

I think it is perfectly natural to feel that way.  I had gone
through this before.  I would be happy to share the rest of my
story.  However, I could not find your e-mail address.

You can write me a note at sli9582@ritvax.isc.rit.edu


"R.S. VINK" <R.S.Vink@KUB.NL> wrote:
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>Hello mister confused,
>
>I am a Dutch guy and I would like to do some corresponding with you.
>It is easier to talk throug email than by netscape, I believe.
>I hope to hear from you.
>Goodbye.
>
>Ruud
>
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>I am posting this in many newsgroups not to offend but to get as
>wide a response as posible.  I realize that I may be posting this
>in places that may not be appropriate, but I want to hear from
>people of as many interests as posible.  I cannot posibly look in
>all of the groups that I am posting this to, so please reply to
>my e-mail and post it to this newsgroup if you like also for
>others to benefit.
>
>an412981@anon.penet.fi.
>
>
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>A sincere paradox by a confused man
>
>I am 31.  I know that I have been gay since I was at least 10 but have told very few people, definately not my family.  I don't fear=
> their rejection as much as I just don't want to hurt them.  I must be the oldest virgin on the planet by now.  I have denied myself=
> any sexual, or even non sexual relationships with anyone, male or female.  I have concentrated entirely on my career working as muc=
>h as 18 hours a day so that I would not have any time to think about my problem.  Being gay has caused me much depression in my life=
>, but worst of all, I know that I lust after young boys the most (13 to 15 years old).  Sometimes I can see myself behind bars for h=
>aving sex with a minor and it scares me, which is good for all those cute young teens which I want so bad.  The only thing that has =
>stopped me so far is that I have not really tried to make an opportunity for myself to be in the position of having access to a boy =
>that I can try to have sex with.  I don't consider myself to be a timebomb but I feel that the match is now coming very close to the=
> fuse.
>
>I am a christian, but it doesn't help when I go to a singles only ward in the mormon church.  Too many cute church boys make me craz=
>y.  I don't attend because I don't feel that God wants me to be there when I think the things that I do, and I dare not tell my bish=
>op as the church's position on homo's, especially pedophiles, is very clear - NOT WELCOME!  God knows that I have tried to pray my p=
>roblems away, but I know that I am a homo for life, and he created me this way, and there is nothing I can do about it short of havi=
>ng a right hand only relationship, living out of the closet, or a sex change which is definately out of the question.
>
>I cannot deny my feelings.  Even though I work two jobs, one as a general manager of a fast growing company, and another as a market=
>ing exec for a health resort.  During the day I will daydream about what it would be like to have sex with a young teen.  I have den=
>ied my feelings for so long that they have overcome my life, especially after I discovered a newsgroup containing pics on young teen=
>s and downloaded over 2 dozen of these beautiful boys and some girls.  Everyday is a torture to know that I can't have what I want. =
> Now the pics are even coming in my e-mail after I left a message in one of them.  I was shocked to find that pics of anything from =
>naked babies to naked teens was on the usenet there for the picking.
>
>Sometimes I feel that I have been given an equalizer by God.  ****** On one hand, I am very good looking.  I still get carded for th=
>e occasional beer that I buy, I can't grow a full beard, and I have never had acne in my whole life.  Most people comment that I loo=
>k like a 17 year old which has made me the subject of several propositions by other gay men which I feared more than death itself.  =
>I have been blessed with incredible intellegence.  As a child, I was labled an idiot because I could not pay attention in class, onl=
>y when I was around 8 did they find out I was a super genius so incredibly bored with traditional school that I could not stay awake=
>  Even though my parents transfered me to a private school, it was still nowhere near my level.  ***** On the other hand, here I am=
>, a gay pedophile want-to-be.  A challenge that I must face the rest of my life.  I know that I am not to question why God should ma=
>ke me this way, after all it's his will that I am who I am.  All I want to know is what am I supposed to do with my sex life.  If I =
>don't lose my virginity soon, I am going to go crazy.  If I could buy a sex slave, I would right about now.  I am so shy that I coul=
>dn't even think about going to a gay club or posting a message for another boy.
>
>High school was definately the worst time of my life.  On at least a hundred occasions I had thought of suiside but never had the gu=
>ts to do it or even attempt it.  I was outed as a sophmore when I couldn't help but to look so much at the boys in the  locker room.=
> It was pretty much over after that; no more friends.  I was the brunt of very cruel jokes from the other boys which really hurt.  T=
>wo boys that I knew had committed suiside while I attended.  Only after my school years did I really recognize that they were probab=
>ly gay and couldn't face going through life with this curse.  Nearly every day I wished I were dead, so depressing.  My parents sent=
> me to a psychologist, but I would never reveal that I was gay.  Luckly there was nothing like prozak back then.  That would have be=
>en all I needed.  A happy gay with a drug habit. It's a wonder that I have never taken drugs, never been an alcoholic, and never smo=
>ked.  I guess I'm just to busy with reality to try to escape it.
>
>I wish I knew what to do.  I am so confused about where to go from here.  I know that there are others going through what I am going=
> through right now and have been most of my life.  I have made a friend in the WI area, through e-mail only, who is gay and I won't =
>even tell him my real name for fear that he would look me up and call or visit me here in CA.  I have asked him about how he dealt w=
>ith his situation, but he is not very talkative other than to say he went through much of the same problems that I went through.
>
>A part of me wants to tell the world that I am after your kids only so you will protect them from me.  I wish I could come out but t=
>hat is just asking for trouble.  I know that there is no help for what I have.  There is no escaping pedophilia, period.
>I can't kill myself, I won't become an alcoholic, I won't take drugs, and I cannot see going to a psychologist anymore.
>
>I would love to hear some comments about this disertation.  Anything is welcome but calling me a sicko.  Trust me it doesn't phase m=
>e at all and it won't change my feelings for boys.  Candidly, when someone puts a post on newsgroups like this calling people like u=
>s sickos, at least for me, it makes me want the pictures even more.  I am open to hearing anything else on this subject though, good=
>, bad or indifferent.
>
>
> ... blah blah blah ...