🚀 go-pugleaf

My university residence will soon be handing out awards to its residents 
who distinguised themselves throughout the year.  A number of humorous 
and/or teasing awards are traditionally given.  This year, Edwards House 
(our residence) has expressed the wish to have them done in Latin.

If anyone would like to help me translate these, the help would be greatly 
appreciated!!  A bit of creativity might be necessary! 

Here are some of the award namess in quotes along with an explanation of 
what it means, to help make an accurate translation.

"Yellow Cup Award" - goes to the person who drinks the most alcohol

"Male Pick-up artist of the year" and "female pick-up artist of the year" - 
goes to the people with the most success at wooing and seducing lovers in 
their rooms.

"Smoke stack"  - goes to the person who smokes the most. (Were there words 
for smoking, cigarettes or tobacco back in Roman days?)

"Perma-Freshman" - goes to the fist year student whom you can't beleive is 
going in 2nd year. (perhapse something like 'Eternal first year student' 
could be used to translate?)

"Sonic Boom" - goes to the loudest member of the House

Some awards are pretty self-explanatory:

"Best dressed"  and "worst dressed"

"Least likely to receive a Nobel prize"

"The 'you're so vain, I bet you think this award is about you' Award"

"Lounge Live-in" - goes to the the person who is always seen spending 
(wasting?) time in the common lounge area.

the "I can't believe he/she lives here" Award.. - goes to a person who has 
been living in the House all year but never came out of their room, and no 
one knew they were part of the House.  This is also commonly called the 
"House Ghost" award.

"Edwardian of the Year" - goes to the person who is best felt to encompass 
what Edwards House is really like.

"Atlantic Canadian of the Year" - goes to the person who most fulfills the 
sea-coast stereotype.  (are there Latin words for modern country names?)

"Upper Canadian of the Year" - goes to the most stereotypical "mainlander" 
from Ontario.

"Joined at the Hip" - an award for a couple who shares everything to share.

"Loser move of the year" - goes to the most ridiculous or stupid mistake 
somebody did during the year. (usually, a story follows along with it...)

Also the following words need to be translated to go on the certificates:

"Presented by Edwards House" - or Edwards student residence or dorm, etc.

"President"   "Secretary/treasurer"  and "Social chairperson"

I realise this list is a bit long and soem of these concepts might not 
exist in Roman days, but if anyone is generous enough to help and "young in 
the heart" enough to understand, we would really appreciate some suggested 
translations!

Best regards to all creative Latinists...

                                  Christian Richard
                                  Edwards House
                                  Mount Allison University