🚀 go-pugleaf

this morning The Star published photos of Bill Clinton fellating
an Oxford dean of Arts and Letters who, according to one unreliable
source, was also the KGB station chief in charge of a subliminal ballet
mind-control campaign to cause the royal family to throw themselves
down stairwells and show their breasts to Texas b'zillionaires.

according to one unnamed former soviet spy--who now owns a live bait
shop in Fort Worth and is called Ivan-Bob by his friends--the plan
was intended to target the Queen Mother and the Earl of Windham, but
their prima ballerina injured herself in a bizarre hygiene accident on
opening night of the Nutcracker Suite, and her understudy mistimed a
critical pirouette and botched the operation.

Clinton campaign spin-doctors were quick to release a statement which
said--that while the candidate, like many of the young people of that
period--had "experimented" with homosexual experiences, the Governor did
not swallow.

but the most damaging revelation came at a stump speech in Peoria,
where teenage investigators--reportedly hired by Ross Perot--stormed
the platform and tore the latex mask from Clinton's face to reveal
a swarthy east-coast liberal underneath.  as the Governor was escorted
to the SlickMobile by the Not-So-Secret Service men, he lamented, in
his now patented breathy and cracking voice, ``And I would have pulled
it off too, if not for...''

Perot supporters, dining on ScoobySnacks and submitting to complimentary
SuperCuts at a benefit luncheon in Duluth, rejoiced at the news.  sporting
a pair of "Ears for Fears", Total Swindle, the Perot campaign chairman said,
``Mr. Clinton was obviously a sensitive and caring candidate.  He had the
ability to perform marathon oratory.  At one point we had to say, `Whoa,
boy, come on up here'.  He was so aggressive with that.''  he continued,
``But we now plan to lick Bush ourselves.''

meanwhile, the Bush campaign sent their condolences, along with Flowers,
to the Clinton headquarters.

this is Norm DePlume, Washington Cordespondent, Hustler Magazine,
reporting live from Bangor, Maine.

--
Bill Clinton gives lip service to women.
                                                 --Marilyn Quayle