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Plunk!

"Gary J. English" <nospam@verizon.net> wrote in message
news:o65q80hth1m9r1tqbmhcskj639r5sjv7m1@4ax.com...
> On 26 Apr 2004 00:26:49 -0700, anon5c6c@nyx.net (In Your Dreams) wrote:
>
> >The Top Ten Conservative Idiots (No. 153)
> >   April 26, 2004
> >   Lowest of the Low Edition
> >
> >   It's official: These people have no shame. Even though their candidate
> >   dodged service in Vietnam, then went AWOL from the National Guard,
> >   these assholes actually have the gall to question the John Kerry's
> >   military service. If the Critics of John Kerry's War Record (1) really
> >   want to go there, I say bring it on. But they're not the only
> >   conservative idiots. Maytag Aircraft (2) has fired an employee for
> >   taking pictures of flag-draped coffins, George W. Bush (3) is engaged
> >   in a little illegal diversion of funds, and Donald Rumsfeld (4) is
> >   doing a little creative editing. After that, we've got six more
> >   idiots, and don't miss the special bonus section this week!
> >
> >   1 Critics of John Kerry's War Record hypocrisy hypocrisy hypocrisy
> >   hypocrisy
> >   How dare they? How dare the GOP criticize John Kerry's war record in
> >   Vietnam? From Ed Gillespie to Rep. Sam Johnson (R-TX), Republicans
> >   were flooding the airwaves last week with criticism of Kerry's
> >   military service. Why? Because, they say, there are questions about
> >   the seriousness of his injuries. Excuse me? Here we have a man who
> >   volunteered to command a swift boat on the Mekong Delta, who earned
> >   the Bronze Star for heroic achievement, the Silver Star for gallantry
> >   in action, and three purple hearts, and the Republicans are
> >   questioning the seriousness of his injuries? I guess they haven't
> >   noticed that, unlike their hero George W. Bush, John Kerry was
> >   actually in Vietnam. The closest Bush came to enemy fire was having
> >   his teeth examined in Alabama. To disparage a combat veteran's service
> >   because you don't think his injuries weren't serious enough has got to
> >   be the lowest of the low. What's the GOP going to tell kids who come
> >   back from Iraq with all their limbs intact? "Well, well, look who's
> >   back. I see you've still got your legs. Perhaps you weren't really
> >   trying out there." By the way, this recent furor was started by one
> >   John O'Neill, a so-called political independent who served in Vietnam
> >   with John Kerry and said he "couldn't tie the shoes of some of the
> >   people in Coastal Division 11." That is, John O'Neill didn't actually
> >   serve with Kerry - he showed up two months after Kerry had left
> >   Vietnam. Oh, and if you were wondering what kind of "political
> >   independent" John O'Neill is, he's the kind that gets invited to the
> >   White House by Nixon and Kissinger, worked for William Rehnquist, and
> >   promotes the website WinterSoldier.com which is run by the Free
> >   Republic Network. You know, one of those kinds of "independents."
> >
> >   2 Maytag Aircraft covering your ass
> >   Newspapers finally published pictures of coffins coming back from Iraq
> >   last week, and the result was, well, chaos. The Seattle Times started
> >   the ball rolling, publishing a photograph taken in Kuwait by Tami
> >   Silicio, an employee of military contractor Maytag Aircraft. The media
> >   haven't been showing pictures like this until now because the Pentagon
> >   has a policy of banning the media from taking pictures of caskets
> >   being returned to the U.S., which they claim "defers to the
> >   sensitivities of bereaved families." That's complete crap, obviously -
> >   the policy is clearly intended to prevent the American public from
> >   seeing what really happens when you send the nation's children off to
> >   war. But in a shocking turn of events, Tami Silicio was subsequently
> >   fired by Maytag Aircraft, along with her husband. According to the
> >   Times, Silicio said "she hoped the publication of the photo would help
> >   families of fallen soldiers understand the care and devotion that
> >   civilians and military crews dedicate to the task of returning the
> >   soldiers home." And for that, she got shitcanned. In related news,
> >   nobody in the Bush administration has been fired yet for ignoring
> >   urgent warnings of a massive terrorist attack on U.S. soil, failing to
> >   catch Osama bin Laden, or lying about weapons of mass destruction in
> >   Iraq. Priorities, priorities.
> >
> >   3 George W. Bush warmongering
> >   There were more bombshell revelations about George W. Bush's Rush To
> >   War(TM) last week, this time from journalist Bob Woodward whose new
> >   book Plan of Attack reveals that Bush diverted $700 million from funds
> >   approved for the war in Afghanistan to pay for the planning of his
> >   Iraq adventure. Oh, but whoops! Bush apparently forgot to mention this
> >   small appropriation to Congress, which is illegal. Funny really, you'd
> >   think that someone as dedicated to upholding the Constitution as
> >   George W. Bush wouldn't be going around stealing money out of the
> >   treasury from under the nose of Congress. But there you have it.
> >   Woodward also reveals that Dick Cheney and Don Rumsfeld decided to
> >   tell Saudi Arabia's Prince Bandar about the decision to invade Iraq
> >   two days before they mentioned it to Secretary of State Colin Powell.
> >   And when I say tell him about it, I mean describe it in detail,
> >   including showing him all the top secret war plans. And in what can
> >   only be described as a bizarre coincidence, Woodward told 60 Minutes
> >   last week that Bandar had assured Bush that Saudi Arabia would lower
> >   oil prices later this year "to ensure the U.S. economy is strong on
> >   election day," according to CBS News. That's really very nice of
> >   Prince Bandar you know. I mean Bush doesn't bother his country after
> >   15 of his fellow Saudis commit the September 11 attacks, and let's him
> >   see the Iraq war plans before the U.S. Secretary of State gets to see
> >   them, and all Bush gets in return is artificially low oil prices in
> >   the run-up to the election. Fabulous.
> >
> >   4 The Pentagon and Donald Rumsfeld covering your ass covering your ass
> >   lying
> >   But there's more - according to the Washington Post, "The Pentagon
> >   deleted from a public transcript a statement Defense Secretary Donald
> >   H. Rumsfeld made to author Bob Woodward suggesting that the
> >   administration gave Saudi Arabia a two-month heads-up that President
> >   Bush had decided to invade Iraq." That's right, Donny-Boy was giving
> >   Prince Bandar the scoop on the invasion of Iraq, and surprise,
> >   surprise - the Pentagon didn't want you to know about it. Rumsfeld, of
> >   course, doesn't recall exactly what he said. I mean, seriously, for
> >   the guy in charge of the nation's defense, the dude has a terrible
> >   memory. The deleted comments center around Rumsfeld telling Bandar
> >   that he could "take that to the bank" that Iraq would be invaded. But
> >   according to the Post, "Rumsfeld told reporters at a briefing
> >   yesterday that he may have used the phrase 'take that to the bank' but
> >   that no final decision had been made to go to war." Uh, so what was he
> >   telling Bandar to take to the bank exactly? Some rolls of quarters?
> >   The rebate check that just came in from those blank CD-Rs he bought
> >   three months ago? Apparently the Pentagon deleted eight questions and
> >   answers from the public transcript - according to Woodward, "I was
> >   surprised that it was deleted because it obviously dealt with a
> >   critical issue." Rumsfeld's response? Well, last week he described the
> >   deleted portions of the transcript as "some banter." Ri-i-ight. Some
> >   banter. Uh-huh.
> >
> >   5 Diebold election stealing
> >   There was big news for e-voting critics last week when Diebold
> >   acknowledged that their voting machines have "significant security
> >   flaws," according to the Tri-Valley Herald. Said Diebold Election
> >   Services Inc. president Bob Urosevich, "We were caught. We apologize
> >   for that." Wait a second - you were caught? Hmm... interesting.
> >   Apparently Diebold "supplied hundreds of poorly designed
> >   electronic-voting devices that disenfranchised voters in the March
> >   presidential primary," and, "Unknown thousands of voters were turned
> >   away at the polls." Great job, Diebold. I mean, you've only been going
> >   on about how frickin' awesome your machines are for the last
> >   god-knows-how-long. But the good news is that a California voting
> >   systems panel voted unanimously last week to recommend decertifying
> >   the Diebold machines, and the state attorney general may now file
> >   criminal and civil charges against the company for violating
> >   California's election laws. So it looks like poor old Wally O'Dell,
> >   the CEO of Diebold who said last August that he was "committed to
> >   helping Ohio deliver its electoral votes to the President next year"
> >   (see Idiots 124), will have to cross California off the list of other
> >   states in which he planned to "help" Dubya.
> >
> >   6 The Journal-Advocate dumb dumb
> >   It seems a few newspapers are following the Pentagon's orders and
> >   making sure the American people don't see anything unpleasant coming
> >   out of Iraq. In the case of the Journal-Advocate of Colorado, that
> >   even extends to violence against cartoon characters. The
> >   Journal-Advocate decided not to run the Doonesbury comic strip last
> >   week because, in their words, "of the graphic, violent battlefield
> >   depictions of Iraq in this week's installment." In the strip, the
> >   character "B.D." is injured in combat and loses a leg. Not that this
> >   is happening to real soldiers in Iraq, you understand - in real life,
> >   when soldiers die they're just vaporized painlessly into nothingness,
> >   just like in a video game. And then their clothes are placed into a
> >   casket which is wrapped in the flag. Which, of course, you're not
> >   allowed to see either. I mean, we don't want anyone getting all
> >   squeamish and thinking that perhaps war isn't just a big game after
> >   all, do we?
> >
> >   7 Jennifer Carroll Clinton hating
> >   Surely there's nothing funnier to Republicans than a joke about
> >   assassinating Hillary Clinton. Here's what State Rep. Jennifer Carroll
> >   (R-Naturally) had to say at the Southern Republican Leadership
> >   Conference in Miami Beach last week, according to the Jacksonville
> >   Times-Union: "Carroll said Clinton was visited by the ghosts of
> >   Presidents Washington, Jefferson and Lincoln. According to The
> >   Associated Press, the joke had Clinton asking each president what she
> >   could do to help the country, and Lincoln told Clinton to go to a
> >   theater. Lincoln was assassinated in Ford's Theater in Washington."
> >   Har-de-har. Apparently Carroll later told the Associated Press, "You
> >   infer what you want to infer, but I never said assassinate, or kill or
> >   maim." Uh, okay then, let's see. Then what are we to infer? So, Abe
> >   Lincoln, who was assassinated in a theater, told Hillary Clinton that
> >   to help the country she should go to a theater. Hmm. And according to
> >   Carroll, this has got nothing to do with assassination. So... hmm.
> >   Sorry, I don't get it then.
> >
> >   8 Paul Bremer dumb
> >   After closing down al Sadr's newspaper, sparking the recent violence
> >   which has led to the deaths of more than one hundred US soldiers and
> >   hundreds of Iraqi civilians in the past month, Paul Bremer has been
> >   struggling to come up with another way to win the hearts and minds of
> >   the Iraqi people - and it looks like he might have done it. Last week,
> >   Bremer announced that former members of Saddam Hussein's Baath party
> >   may be able to return to their old jobs. Oh happy day! Well, that
> >   pretty much knocks the wind out of the sails of those who think that
> >   we're not doing a good job liberating Iraq. I mean, what could be
> >   better than returning to power the very people who we were fighting to
> >   free the Iraqi people from in the first place? Hey, wait a second...
> >
> >   9 The Treasury Department partisanship partisanship
> >   George W. Bush has done a pretty great job of spending public money on
> >   his election campaign this year. First there were the
> >   taxpayer-subsidized jaunts to events like the Daytona 500 (see Idiots
> >   143, 144), which, of course, were absolutely not campaign appearances,
> >   no sir - and now he's got the Treasury Department doing his dirty work
> >   for him. It was revealed last week that the IRS placed a sentence in
> >   four April 9 news releases which read, "America has a choice: It can
> >   continue to grow the economy and create new jobs as the president's
> >   policies are doing, or it can raise taxes on American families and
> >   small businesses, hurting economic recovery and future job creation."
> >   Gee, shouldn't they at least included the line "I'm George W. Bush and
> >   I approved this message?"
> >
> >   10 Condoleezza Rice dumb
> >   And finally, the Freudian Slip Of The Decade award goes to... National
> >   Security Advisor Condoleezza Rice. According to NewYorkMetro.com, Rice
> >   was recently overheard at a recent dinner party saying, "As I was
> >   telling my husb-" before stopping herself abruptly, and saying, "As I
> >   was telling President Bush." Uh-oh, I hope Pickles doesn't find out
> >   about this! Looks like someone might have designs on her man! See you
> >   next week...
> >
> >   Bonus Idiots
> >   In other news ... Arnold Schwarzenegger hasn't retrofitted his Hummer
> >   yet ... Ex-police commissioner Bernard Kerik says "another 9/11" is
> >   more likely if Kerry becomes president (odd, there's only been one
> >   9/11 so far, and that happened when Bush was president) ... Rep. John
> >   Hostettler got caught with a loaded 9mm handgun at a Kentucky airport
> >   ... Christian faith-based teen-rehab program Teen Reach was shut down
> >   after a long history of child abuse ... Missouri State House
> >   Republicans voted to eliminate a sales tax exemption for the St. Louis
> >   Post-Dispatch and the Kansas City Star because the newspapers
> >   criticized them ... and George W. Bush said the world owes Ariel
> >   Sharon a "thank you," Sharon took that to mean, "feel free to off
> >   Yasser Arafat," and Russia said, "oh no you don't." Armageddon outta
> >   here...
> >
> >   Linked cites verifying the aforementioned idiots can be found at:
> >          http://www.democraticunderground.com/top10/index.html
> >   _____________________________________________________________________
> >
> >              Liberal = Jesus   ...  Conservative = Mussolini
> >   _____________________________________________________________________
>