🚀 go-pugleaf

so i went on this job interview today.  i already have a
job lined up, mind you, but they're being a little, um,
casual about getting their "official" offer to me, so i
figured it couldn't hurt to have a backup plan.  little
did i know...

the interview was with a contract agency that handles
tech writers.  it shall remain nameless, because i have
no particular desire to be sued, even though the company's
president did violate federal law during the interview.
my life is "interesting" enough already, thanks.

the company is run out of the owner's house -- this
should have tipped me off, since i've worked for people
who ran their business out of their house before.  i
must have been stoned or something.  anyway, when i 
arrived, someone else was being interviewed, but, the 
owner (we'll call her Psycho Woman) said, that was no
problem.  she'd just interview us both at once!

uh, okay.

so i sat down and Psycho Woman immediately made it clear
that she had not even read my resume by asking where i
was working, what i had been doing, and whether i had 
any experience writing user guides.  i was somewhat 
taken aback by this, but the full horror of my situation
had not yet struck me, so i answered that no, i had not
in fact, written user guides.

no user guides?  HORRORS!  i would NEVER get a tech 
writing job if i didn't have a user guide to use as a 
writing sample, she informed me.  i pointed out that i 
had been working as a tech writer for six months, despite
my appalling lack of user guides.  "writing what?"  she 
asked.  "test guidelines," i said.  "oh, that's not 
technical writing," she said.

oh, of course not.  it's fucking FREE VERSE, i FORGOT.
how SILLY of me.

so then she handed me a brochure telling me all about her
"program."  the flyer was labeled "Psycho Woman Institute
of Technical Writing," only it had her name in place of
"Psycho Woman."  (quite frankly, i think she should have
her name legally changed to Psycho Woman; it would make
things so much easier for the rest of us.)  anyway, the
brochure informed me that for a mere $2500, i could be
taught to do tech writing the Psycho Woman way.  surely
glory would follow!

wait, wasn't this supposed to be a job interview?

Psycho Woman turned to the other guy and asked what he'd
been doing.  user manuals, he said, for AT&T.  oh, but he
would simply have to take her course TOO, she said.  you 
see (she told us), there are no end user manuals anymore. 
no, user manuals are only for developers now.  there USED 
to be user manuals, but "now there's just microsoft word 
and excel, and gates bought it all."  (if anyone can explain
to me what this is supposed to mean, please enlighten me.)

SO, she went on, neither of us would ever get a job unless 
we took her class.  well, i observed, actually i have been 
tentatively offered a job, but am waiting for the formal
offer.  "sure," she said, "but what would your job title
be?"

"technical writer," i said. 

she seemed nonplussed, but it didn't slow her down much.
now she asked me if i was gay.  (this is where the federal
law comes in.  as i recall, you are NOT allowed to ask
questions like that in a job interview.)

i was so stunned by this that i just stammered "not right
NOW."

"i am," she said; evidently she feels that the law ONLY
applies to straight people; lesbians can ask any questions
they like.

but wait, there's more.  next she offered us each a job
telemarketing for her "program."  when i said no, she
seemed dumbfounded.  obviously ANY self-respecting tech
writer would be HAPPY to accept a telemarketing job.  oh,
yes.  you bet.  actually.

after a few more explanations of why i would never get a
job without her course (evidently the other guy had already
heard most of that spiel before i arrived), we were allowed
to leave.  i told her i'd think about the "program."

"don't wait too long!" she said.  "it starts on wednesday!"

wednesday.  that's TOMORROW.  uh-huh.

when the door had closed behind us, the over victim and i
looked at each other and grinned.

"you know, i didn't come here to be insulted or listen to
a sales pitch," i said.

"either she has a REALLY fixed worldview, or she's completely
insane," he said.

we wished each other good luck and went on our way.

what a fucking scam.  i've heard about things like this
working on teenagers who desperately want to be models or
actresses, but tech writing hardly has the same magical
cachet.  give me a fucking break.  i don't need ANY job
that badly.

Psycho Woman can bite me.  

m
-- 
"and if I die before I learn to speak
can money pay for all the days i lived awake but half asleep"
                                                  -- primitive radio gods