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The Top Ten Conservative Idiots (No. 154)
   May 3, 2004
   War Games Edition

   War is a serious business - unfortunately some people don't want you
   to know how serious. Take the Sinclair Broadcasting Group (1) for
   example, who blacked out an edition of Nightline last week for
   political reasons. Or Saddam's Replacements (3), who hid Geneva
   Convention violations from the world's eyes - until now. Or George W.
   Bush and Dick Cheney (4), who were finally pressured into talking to
   the 9/11 Commission - provided that their words were not recorded, of
   course. Mind you, war is not just being fought in Iraq - there are
   other wars right here at home. Take Karen Hughes (2) for example, who
   last week compared pro-choicers to terrorists. Or Bill O'Reilly (7),
   who wants to, uh, boycott Canada. Yup, the Idiots are out in force
   this week, and it ain't pretty...

 1 Sinclair Broadcasting Group     Partisanship  partisanship
   If ever there was a shoo-in for the number one slot in the Top Ten
   Conservative Idiots, it's the Sinclair Broadcasting Group. Here's the
   deal: last week, ABC's Nightline decided to dedicate a special edition
   of their show to simply reading the names and displaying photographs
   of all the U.S. military personnel killed in Iraq since the invasion
   last year. In an email before the broadcast, Nightline's Leroy Seivers
   wrote, "As I have said many times, whether you are for the war or
   against it, these men and women, whose pictures you will see tonight,
   have paid the ultimate price in our names. We think it is only fitting
   that for one night, we present their names." Not so fast! The
   Baltimore-based Sinclair Broadcasting Group, which, according to
   Reuters owns "62 television stations in 39 markets reaching roughly 24
   percent of U.S. television households," objected to the tribute and
   barred its ABC-affiliated stations from broadcasting Nightline's
   special edition. Why? Because according to Sinclair, they "do not
   believe such political statements should be disguised as news
   content." But who's making the political statement here? Sinclair has
   been called the "Clear Channel of local news," referring to the
   right-wing radio corporation which shoves Rush Limbaugh and Sean
   Hannity down everyone's throats for six hours a day five days a week.
   And surprise - the officers and key executives of Sinclair are all
   big-time donors to the Republican party. That's right folks, it's
   finally coming to this - major broadcasting corporations will now
   blackout long-running and well-respected news shows if they decide
   that their reports are in some way unflattering to George W. Bush,
   even if the report is simply honoring soldiers who have died serving
   their country. So long, land of the free.

 2 Karen Hughes excessive spin excessive spin anti-choice
   The recent March for Women's Lives in Washington DC was a smashing
   success, breaking attendance records and sending a strong message to
   the country that Americans are pro-choice in vast numbers. This, of
   course, had to be countered immediately by Team Bush, and what better
   way to do that than by smearing the good names of every single
   pro-choice person in the USA. It was Karen Hughes who did the dirty
   work, appearing on CNN last week and telling Wolf Blitzer, "I think
   after September 11th the American people are valuing life more and
   realizing that we need policies to value the dignity and worth of
   every life. And President Bush has worked to say, let's be reasonable,
   let's work to value life, let's try to reduce the number of abortions,
   let's increase adoptions. The fundamental difference between us and
   the terror network we fight is that we value every life. It's the
   founding conviction of our country, that we're endowed by our creator
   with certain unalienable rights, the right to life and liberty and the
   pursuit of happiness. Unfortunately our enemies in the terror network,
   as we're seeing repeatedly in the headlines these days, don't value
   any life, not even the innocent and not even their own." That's right
   folks: pro-choice = terrorism. Hughes claimed afterwards that she
   would "never make such a comparison," which is odd considering that's
   exactly what she'd just done. Interestingly, Hughes' comments come
   only a few months after Education Secretary Rod Paige called America's
   largest teachers union a "terrorist organization" (see Idiots 145). Is
   anyone starting to spot a pattern here? If you're pro-choice, you're a
   terrorist. If you're a teacher, you're a terrorist. America - as far
   as the Bush administration is concerned, you are the terrorists.

 3 Saddam's Replacements just plain evil
   During a press conference with Canadian Prime Minister Martin last
   week, Bush said, "A year ago, I did give the speech from the carrier,
   saying that we had achieved an important objective, that we'd
   accomplished a mission, which was the removal of Saddam Hussein. And
   as a result, there are no longer torture chambers or rape rooms or
   mass graves in Iraq." Funny that he should say that just days after
   CBS showed a shocking report on conditions at the Abu Ghraib Army
   prison facility in Iraq, including disturbing photographs of prisoners
   with wire taped to their genitals, prisoners stripped naked and made
   to pile on top of one another, and prisoners who were forced to
   simulate sex acts on one another. Many of the photos feature U.S.
   Military personnel who seem pretty pleased with themselves. There have
   also been allegations of rape, beatings, dog attacks, and other forms
   of torture. Brig. Gen. Janice Karpinsky, who was in charge of Abu
   Ghraib prison, has since been relieved of her post. Last October she
   told 60 Minutes in an interview, "This is international standards...
   It's the best care available in a prison facility."

 4 George W. Bush and Dick Cheney cowardice covering your ass
   Lord have mercy. The 9/11 Commission had to put up with the comedic
   stylings of dynamic duo Dubya and Crashcart last week, and while it
   would be interesting to know what the two most important people in the
   country had to say about the world's worst terrorist attack, sorry -
   we'll never know. Bush and Cheney were so adamant about giving their
   fullest cooperation to the Commission that they insisted a) on
   appearing together, holding hands, b) that there would be no recording
   made of the session, and c) that there would be no transcript made of
   the session either. A single commissioner was allowed to take notes -
   although I'm just guessing here, but he probably had to memorize them
   and swallow the notepaper afterwards. Bush was in good spirits after
   his meeting, telling reporters that, "I'm glad I did it. I'm glad I
   took the time... I enjoyed it." Well whoop-de-do! George enjoyed his
   meeting with the 9/11 Commission! What, did he sit in the corner
   playing Hungry Hungry Hippos while the adults talked about boring
   grown-up stuff? Our Great Leader also let a fairly obvious truth slip
   out, telling reporters that, "If we had something to hide, we would
   not have met with [them] in the first place." Hmmm. Well since he's
   spent the last couple of years desperately trying to prevent the 9/11
   Commission from coming into existence and even more desperately trying
   to avoid appearing in front of it, not to mention attempting to thwart
   their progress at every turn by withholding documents and witnesses,
   and bowing only when the political pressure became too great, it does
   kinda make you wonder.

 5 George W. Bush warmongering
   The weekend just passed marked the anniversary of Our Great Leader's
   Great Top Gun Photo-Op Stunt. You remember the one - he landed on the
   aircraft carrier Abraham Lincoln, swanked around pretending to be a
   big brave soldier with a huge and embarrassing bulge in his pants, and
   finally stood before an enormous banner emblazoned with the message
   "Mission Accomplished" and declared the end of combat operations in
   Iraq. Bush told the world on that special and oh-so-patriotic day
   that, "the Battle of Iraq is one victory in a war on terror that began
   on Sept. 11, 2001." Right. Now, aside from obviously farcical
   suggestion that invading Iraq actually had anything to do with 9/11,
   it probably hasn't escaped many people's attention that Bush's war
   isn't going too well these days. Far from the end of combat
   operations, more troops were killed in Iraq last month than in any
   month since the invasion began in March 2003. So we'd just like to
   take a moment, one year on, to say George, you're a frickin' idiot.

 6 Paul Wolfowitz dumb
   Of course, the administration and its backers really don't give two
   shits about how many soldiers have died in Iraq so far - and here's
   the proof. Appearing at a recent hearing of a House Appropriations
   subcommittee, Deputy Defense Secretary Paul Wolfowitz was asked how
   many American troops had died in Iraq. His response? "It's
   approximately 500, of which - I can get the exact numbers -
   approximately 350 are combat deaths." CLANG! Thanks for playing, Paul.
   At the time of Wolfowitz's comment, the correct answer was 722
   American soldiers dead in Iraq, 521 of those killed in combat. So he
   was only off by about 30%. Nice to see the deputy defense secretary is
   keeping such a close eye on the number of troops being sent to the
   slaughter. Of course, Wolfowitz had that classic Bush administration
   excuse lined up - his spokesman Charley Cooper said later, "He
   misspoke. That's all." Oh, fuck off. Forgetting about 200 dead
   soldiers isn't misspeaking, it's called "being an asshole."

 7 Bill O'Reilly hypocrisy dumb
   As everyone knows, Bill O'Reilly hates boycotts. In fact, he thinks
   that boycotts are downright un-American (see Idiots 98). That is, he
   thinks boycotts are un-American unless it's him that's doing the
   boycotting. O'Reilly proudly claims to have gotten Pepsi to dump
   rapper Ludacris from an advertising campaign, and now he's setting his
   sights on a bigger target - Canada. That's right. Bill O'Reilly wants
   to boycott Canada. Why? Because Canada is considering giving asylum to
   two U.S. war deserters, and this gets O'Reilly's nuts in such a twist
   that his head might just be about to damn well pop off. So look out,
   Canada, because once Bill O'Reilly gets going, he's a force to be
   reckoned with. I mean, if he can get Pepsi to drop Ludacris, then he
   can probably get, uh, the world to, um, I dunno, shoot Canada off into
   space or something. It's funny really, Bill didn't seem to get this
   worked up about Alabama giving asylum to a certain famous AWOL future
   president back in 1972...

 8 Betsy DeVos dumb fiscal irresponsibility
   Want to know why Michigan is suffering economically? According to
   Republican state party chairwoman Betsy DeVos, the answer is simple!
   Last week she issued a press release saying, "Many, if not most, of
   the economic problems in Michigan are a result of high wages and a tax
   and regulatory structure that makes this state uncompetitive." That's
   right, Michiganders - your state is in the financial poophole because
   you're getting paid too much money. See, if corporations paid lower
   wages, then they'd be able to create more jobs by competing with
   neighboring states. And of course, when corporations create more jobs
   at lower wages, it means that they'll make bigger profits. And that's
   why they need more of Bush's tax cuts so that they can keep more of
   the profits they make through paying their workers less money. Sure,
   less tax revenue will mean less assistance for those who are now
   getting less wages, but isn't it obvious that Michigan's corporations
   need their employees to accept lower wages so life can be better for
   everyone? Jesus, the working poor can be so selfish sometimes.

 9 Arnold Schwarzenegger cyborg greed
   Governor Groping Austrian Beefcake was back in the news last week when
   he tried to shut down the production of a line of bobblehead dolls
   created in his likeness. A company called Ohio Discount Merchandise,
   run by Todd and Toby Bosley, created the dolls (featuring
   Schwarzenegger wearing a suit and toting a machine gun) - and give the
   majority of their profits to a cancer research charity. Sorry guys -
   those cancer patients are just going to have to shut up and suffer,
   because Arnold wants bank. According to CNN, "The governor's law firm,
   Lavely & Singer, sent Bosley a letter demanding he immediately stop
   making and selling the dolls, deliver any remaining dolls to their
   offices and make a substantial payment to Schwarzenegger." How nice.
   He might even be able to afford another new Hummer with all the money
   that could have gone to charity.

 10 A Bunch of Bush Supporters dumb dumb dumb
   And finally, we couldn't let this one pass without comment: if you
   were wondering who could still be supporting George W. Bush after
   three and a half years of war, terror, the alienation of the United
   States in the world community, the systematic screwing of the poor,
   the borrow-and-spend economic policies, the vast federal deficit, the
   destruction of the environment, and... well, you get the picture -
   here's a quick snapshot of what we're up against in November.
   PhillyBurbs.com ran a short piece last week about Bush supporters who
   gathered at a house party to hear Dick Cheney speak to the faithful
   via conference call. Their thoughts? Said Crystal Robison, "It was
   better to take the war there and help the Iraqi people than have the
   war here." Sure thing, because the best way to help the Iraqi people
   is kill them and blow up their cities. Disgusted with the American
   media's pro-liberal bias (ha ha), Phyllis Bristol said, "It's gotten
   to the point where I don't want to listen to it anymore." You mean now
   they've stopped literally cheerleading for war and have started to
   mention that people are getting killed? Said her husband, "It concerns
   me deeply that so much of our public talk is aiding and abetting the
   enemy." Ah, I see the Bristols have found a fair-and-balanced media
   alternative in Sean Hannity! And 28-year-old college student Linda
   Wile said, "I do trust that our leaders have some knowledge that leads
   them to decisions that are honorable." Oh god, will the madness never
   end? See you next week!

   Linked cites verifying the aforementioned idiots can be found at:
         http://www.democraticunderground.com/top10/index.html            
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            Not dead, in jail, or a slave?  Thank a liberal!