🚀 go-pugleaf

Mike, 

This is really hard to admit, but, I am in love with you.  Your
spell-checking abilities.  Your grammar checking talents.  My G-d,
you're a man amongst men.  I get all wet, stiff, and sweaty just
thinking about you and your dictionary and thesaurus.  You, all alone in
your little apartment, meticulously checking the spelling of every
Pangborn post.  Oh, the tears spring to my eyes.

Mike, I have a whole hard disk, 20 gig+ of stuff you could spell check. 
If only I had you to myself.  Mike, I want you.  Please give up this
fetish with Ken Pangborn.  He's older, I'm younger.  He's chubby, I'm
trim.  I could make you so happy.  You could spell-check everything in
my house.  I can even convince the neighbors to let you spell check
their houses.  Did you know that they even mis-spell 'car' as 'auto'
here?  I know you could be happy with me, darling.

Even better!  Since I live in the Netherlands, -everything- in the house
is spelled wrong.  You could be content, day after day, running to the
market, in your little shorts, with you droopy tummy hanging out, spell
checking the items in the stores.  I know they will appreciate it.  I
know I would.  Eventually, everything in this country would be correctly
spelled.  Oh Mike, be with me!

Oh, Mike, please abandon your obsession with Ken, and come to me!  I
love you, Mike, you silly spell-checker, you.  I love your drunken leer
and your hanging gut.  I want you, I want you, I want you, and I don't
care who knows it!

Oh, Mike, please come join me.  I'll even pay for the tickets!  I want
you, I need your spell checking talents!  I sweat at the very thought! 
Come to me, SpellPecker!

Ken van der Pangborn #7