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Domestic Abuse of Men and Children

The following article is taken from a pamphlet just added to the FRTC
media
pack, http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/mediapack.htm

Articles related to this topic at FRTC include:

Child Abuse and Neglect Study
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/abusers.htm

Divorce and Fatherhood Statistics
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/stats.htm

Justice Department Violence-Related Injuries Report
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/justice.htm

Fathers - Prejudice and Policy
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/birks.htm

Sexual Abuse Allegations in Divorce
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/said-1.htm

Parental Alienation Information Archive
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pasarchive.htm

Personality Characteristics of Falsely Accusing Parents in Divorce
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/wakefield.htm

Domestic Abuse and False Accusation Links Page
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/dvlinks.htm

Domestic Abuse of men and children, the silent majority!

"Women must share responsibility for their behavior and contributions to
domestic violence." - Judith Shervin (Psychologist)

Domestic violence and abuse are not committed only by men as is
popularly
believed.  In fact, men and women abuse each other with almost equal
frequency.[1] You've probably heard the statistic that claims a woman is
abused by her spouse every 15 seconds.  What you may not know is that
the
same study also found that a man is abused by his spouse every 14
seconds.[2]

Surprising Facts on Domestic Violence and Child Abuse

Until society recognizes and accepts the fact that women can and do
commit
domestic violence, the problem of domestic violence will never be
addressed
and a "solution" will never be found. Domestic violence is a societal
phenomenon that is not gender-specific.  To deny this fact is
unrealistic,
biased, and shortsighted.

Facts You Probably Haven't Heard:

More than half of all 'severe' domestic violence is committed by women
against their husbands or boyfriends. [1]

Extrapolating from a 1985 survey of more than six thousand couples, the
authors estimate that 1.8 million females are the victims of severe
domestic violence each year (with injuries suffered by one in ten), but
so
were about 2.1 million men. [2]

A random survey of 2,143 American homes uncovered the fact that severe
abuse was committed equally by men and women. [3]

One study of inner city child abuse found that 49% of all child abuse is
committed by single parent mothers. [4]

Natural mothers are the perpetrators of:

*  93% of physical neglect of children
*  86% of educational neglect
*  78% of emotional neglect
*  60% of physical abuse, and
*  55% of emotional abuse [5]

A Bureau of Justice report found that Mothers (55%) are more likely than
fathers (45%) to murder their children. [6]

According to the government's own figures, females kill 31 times as many
children as natural fathers. [7]

Females comprise 78% of the perpetrators of fatal child abuse (child
murder). [8]

As disturbing as these statistics are, even more disturbing is the fact
that they are virtually unknown. Only recently has any attention at all
been focused on the issue of female batterers.

As psychologist Judith Shervin writes, "Women must share responsibility
for
their behavior and contributions to domestic violence."

These contributions are far bigger than feminists and the media are
willing
to admit.

Dr. Martin Fiebert, (1997) professor of Psychology at the California
State
University of Long Beach, listed 94 empirical studies that support the
position that men and women are assaulting their intimate partners at
nearly the same rate. When all the evidence is weighed, the only
reasonable
conclusion is that men and women commit spousal abuse against each other
at
nearly equal rates. [9]

Are you a victim?

Some indications that you are the victim of abuse include:

*  A feeling that you are walking on eggshells trying not to anger the
spouse.

*  Constant put-downs in public and private.

*  Expecting the worst of you and/or the children: "You are so stupid!";
"I
told you so!"; "Why don't you ever...?";  "Why do you always...?".
Destructive criticism.

*  Put-downs that extend to your family and those you love.  Attempts to
separate you from your family and any emotional support they provide.

*  The use of "guilt trips" to shame you and the children into doing
what
she wants, even though you have not done or intended anything wrong.

*  She tries to control your circle of friends and acquaintances. She
does
not allow you to have your own friends or activities, or discourages
attendance at activities with your side of the family.

*  She places demands on your time that interfere with work, church,
charity service, or other activities outside the home.

*  She threatens to leave and take the children if you do not comply
with
her demands.

*  She constantly demands more money, a larger home, more expensive car,
or
other status symbols, regardless of your ability to afford them.
Controls
finances, either directly or by unrestricted spending without mutual
decision making (e.g. opening large credit accounts without telling
you).

*  She Insists that her income is hers, sometimes even extending to
refusing to share information about her finances, and expecting you to
cover all community expenses out of your income.

*  Frequent accusations of affairs.

*  False accusations of abuse.

*  Tries to influence children to "take sides" (see the articles on
Parental Alienation Syndrome at
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pasarchive.htm)

If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic abuse, there are
steps
you can take:

*  Call the police and file a report if your spouse or partner assaults
you.  Men should use extreme caution, however, because the police often
assume the man is the aggressor, and you may well find yourself under
arrest.  Make sure there is solid evidence that you are not the
aggressor
before calling the police.

*  Take pictures of any visible injuries you receive, and make copies of
any injury reports.

*  Contact local Fathers' Rights groups in your area for support,
advice,
and assistance.

*  If your wife or partner becomes abusive or violent, leave and seek
help.
 Do not accept domestic violence.

*  Make sure the children are safe -- if necessary take the children and
stay at a motel or with a friend.

*  Do not blame yourself for your wife or partner's behavior. Nothing
justifies her violence.

*  Free online assistance can be found at the FRTC Web site, at:
www.deltabravo.net/

Above all, SPEAK OUT! Let someone else know that your partner is
abusive.
Don't hide it.

---------------------------------------

References

1.  Research by M. Strauss & R. Gelles as reported in "Women Are
Responsible Too", Judith Shervin, Ph.D. & Jim Sniechowski, Ph.D., LA
Times.
6/21/94.

2.  From the National Family Violence Survey (1975, 1985, 1992)
developed
by M. Strauss & R. Gelles, and funded by the National Institute of
Mental
Health.

3.  1980 study by Murray Straus, Richard Gelles, and Suzanne Steinmetz.

4.  A study of child abuse in Lansing, Michigan. Joan Ditson and Sharon
Shay in Child Abuse and Neglect, Volume 8. 1984.

5.  Data from the Third National Incidence Study of Child Abuse and
Neglect
(NIS-3) from DHHS, and also from the Bureau of Justice Statistics report
entitled "Child Victimizers and Their Victims".

6.  Bureau of Justice, "Murder in Families", NCJ-143498.

7.  (From item 5, the Third National Incidence Study of Child Abuse and
Neglect (NIS-3)

8.  Ibid.

9.  Martin S. Fiebert, Cal State Univ.,
http://www.csulb.edu/~mfiebert/assault.htm


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