🚀 go-pugleaf

<in all modesty, I think I've outdone myself this time.>

Brian Z, pay close attention. 



Sky Voice wrote:
> 
> >Maybe they are preparing us for a galactic fight.
> >            Or maybe it's all just show business...
> 
> I'll vote 'just show business'! :-)  While I would suggest, and believe,
> that extraterrestrial life does exist...the government isn't clever
> enough to conceal or hide these facts.  As for a galactic fight...our
> chances would be slim to none...:-)
> 
> Who are we, a species that uses a mere 10 to 15% of it's brain capacity,
> to think in terms of us being the ONLY intelligent life in the universe?
> Intelligence is a relative term and let's face it...we don't have a
> great deal to compare it too...:-)
> 
> And to think for a moment that ANY government can conceal such
> information is totally irrational.  Cloak and dagger stuff isn't our
> governments strong point...:-)

Heheh, as a Washington DC longtimer, I have to assure you that cloak and
dagger is indeed taught as an archaic martial art.

Nobody except gangsters and spy wannabees use that cloak-and-dagger
stuff anymore. Now it's all done with holograms, mirrors, whispering
campaigns, and when it comes to something like aliens, hell, use the
best technique of all.

Hide in plain sight.

Bet you didn't know that there aren't _any_ human beings anywhere near
Washington! None! Not a one! Test it this way...

Come and visit! If you aren't hauling ass back whence you came within
about 72 hours of your arrival, it's 'cause either you're crazy or
oblivious or devoid of the sense of smell as well as sight.

It's clear that almost all earth people (except for some phenomenally
brave military types, who generally refuse to go into town, preferring
to hang out in the Pentagon where if they start gibbering they will be
in good company) were cleared out of the area sometime about the
early-80s, about the time that Ronald Reagan made his famous remark
about aliens, and shortly thereafter developed an oddly-shaped head and
Nancy Reagan began to look and act as if she'd been replaced by a
Stepford Wife...

It's a great trick, this hiding in plain sight. Someone comes on
vacation to visit th' Merkin Cap'tol, and every single individual they
see is an alien. It's just too big for the mind to deal with, and so all
they see is a bunch of oddly-shaped fellow citizens who act really
really weird. Unless, of course, they happen to be an open-minded
person, or a youngster, in which latter case they will probably walk
into an alien bar filled with the sort of alien kids who (kids are kids
no matter where they're from) will probably sell them some interesting
chemicals like some ketamine or lsd or enhanced-beer and as soon as
they're trippin' out will drop their acts and disguises and see if they
can't get those damned tourists to go back where the heck they came from
or wish to god they had.

It's always been fairly amusing to watch someone run screaming from some
bar after a pakmara'aa drops pigment and starts wiggling their lip
tentacles at some tripping punker. It's even funnier (well, to the
aliens anyway) to watch one of those silly rear-blind humans (can you
imagine nature actually producing beings that -hee hee- _can't see
behind themselves?) blissfully watching an alien in an human-suit
sweatlessly gyrating on the dance-platform, never noticing the barefoot
tsh'ki''iedthkt'a (Reptoid to you, Brian) raising one deinonychian foot
about a foot above and behind the human's neck, patiently wriggling its
vestigial claws, waiting for the person to get spooked, whereupon it
will drop its foot to the floor with lightning speed and pretend nothing
weird's going on... It's even more amusing when one of the Bugs (for
some reason everyone calls them that, even though they're not really
_that_ mantid) sits down next to some human and yawns, extending their
reflective chitinous inner-mandibles to clack around inside some
half-drunk beerglass. People tend to fall all over themselves whenever
they see that, especially when the tsh'ki'' start chanting "alien alien
alien alien" at the poor flabbergasted bastard. Of course they only are
so bold when they know for a fact that the person is tripping, and can
be counted upon to later dismiss these obvious hallicunations as, well,
obvious hallucinations. Plausible deniability, you know. I mean, I'm
telling you straight and if you believe me for a moment, you yourself
will inarguably know and attempt to convince yourself that you're really
quite mad.

The funniest thing I ever did see though was when some aliens posing as
tourists hung out in a bar next to some real human from out of town, who
was getting the whole-nine-yards of "the treatment". The guy was just
sitting there with his tongue hanging out and the tsh'ki'' posing as
tourists decided to let their tongues hang out too... about an inch
further every minute. After awhile, the tsh'ki''r posing as a really
quite-attractive female started drawing little circles in the air about
an inch from this guy's eyes with her tongue (they extend about fifteen
inches you know) and so he sort of turns to look at her and she sort of
sucks her tongue back in and he doesn't even notice. Uh, yeah, right.
And people wonder why aliens think they're so stupid... so he starts
trying to pick her up, despite the fact that there's a "guy" sitting
right next to her, obviously "with" her. _He_ is sitting there, staring
at the dancer, so I guess the human thought it'd be pretty cool to try
and pick up the "girl" who basically is flirting up a storm, probably
studying human mating rituals for anthropology class. She asks him for a
cigarette, and when she grabs it out of his hand with her tongue just a
little too fast for him to see, he doesn't even blink, he probably
though it was really sexy for her to nibble it out of his hand. Yeesh...
She lights it with a pocketlaser and he doesn't even notice the lack of
flame on her "lighter", and then of course she starts coughing. She
starts saying something about how one of these days she's going to cough
up a lung from the things and the guy says something like 'and what nice
lungs they are', and she just give him the 'you asked for it sucker'
look and she reaches inside her suit and rips a prosthesis loose from
her costume and hands him a very lifelike breast and says, if you like
them so much, here, you can have one. And the guy's jaws drops open like
to his chest and she licks the inside of his mouth from a foot away and
goes, there's another one where that came from, in fact I think I have a
bag full of spares around here somewhere, and starts fishing around in
her shirt again. Meanwhile, her companion over her shoulder spits out
his dental prostheses and grins at the guy, and you must remember that
the tsh'ki'' have very nice teeth, considering that they're evolved from
fishcatchers. He even uncoiled his neck some, extending it about a foot,
and of course the guys is starting to sober up really quickly, and he
starts beating a path towards the door, and the pakmara'aa are
depigmenting from camoflage and waving their facial tentacles at him and 
the guy is just flipping out as he hauls ass for the door and the
tsh'ki'r is yelling at him "but I thought you _liked_ my breasts!" and
she tosses one at him and it splashes silicone all over the doorjam
right as he runs out of it right in front of a taxicab which promptly
hits him. Out comes the driver, an ursine from Procyon iv-B, who's so
startled by this that he doesn't even have a chance to tuck down his
muzzle and pull on his humanface prosthesis. So here's this Man getting
up from the pavement, surrounded by pakmara'aa, who are repigmenting and
folding their tendrils flat to better pass-for-human, pretending
nothing's happening and he gets helped up by some really big guy who's
well, a rather huge bear doing its best to look really concerned. But
reading alien facial expressions is an acquired skill, and so this guy
goes hopping down "F" street past the J. Edgar Hoover building, which is
at this hour mostly staffed with more ursines in hominid drag. The guy
start hopping over that way, but when he sees one of the guards reach up
_under_ the skin of his neck (those damned manface prostheses get pretty
itchy, especially if you're furry beneath) to scratch, and next thing
you know, the guy's either all healed from his injury, or adrenalized
into immunity to pain. He hauls ass around the corner, and we haven't
seen him since. Too bad, we thought he did a really great
voice-imitation of a turkey-gobbler.

Of course, you can't act so silly in Washington and not get a spotter
called out on you; we can't let some poor silly human wander onto the
wrong side of town where all of the Devolved live. (transgenation
experimentation does have its down side, you know.) Seems he finally got
up enough nerve to ride a bus (hah! if he only knew) back to his hotel,
where he'd paid cash under an assumed name. Last report was that he had
gotten on some jet back to some small-town cow-college out in the
backwoods of Wisconsin.

Was that you, Brian?


-- 
Be kind to your       | When the going gets weird the weird turn pro.
neighbors even though | http://www.clark.net/pub/klaatu/
they be transgenic    | Now. chock full of uninteresting links.
chimerae.             |-- Genesis 19:1-13 - Hebrews 13:2 -- 
---- INCOMING! http://www.clark.net/pub/klaatu/incoming.html ---------
"Sarah Connor?" All UseNet and BitNet postings are copyrighted.