Thread View: alt.dur.test
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9 total messages
Started by Trev
Sun, 29 Oct 2000 20:38
Goats
Author: Trev
Date: Sun, 29 Oct 2000 20:38
Date: Sun, 29 Oct 2000 20:38
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They don't have to do anything, because they are in fact plotting a coup. In England, their communication is easy, due to a laboriously calculated method of placing goat hair *just so* on peoples clothes. They have used this method to begin placing goats in all major population centres. (You thought those 'city farms' were a human idea? Hah!) However, in Alpine Europe, they have to use a modified form of Morse Code (modified as the goat alphabet has 33 letters) and encrypted using a code which has not presently been broken. The only way people can communicate safely at the moment is via the compuer networks - goats do not at present use the human computer networks, as they installed their own version of same in ~1837 throughout the world, and that system is still superior to ours. Talking is no good, as the hair around their ears has evolved to the point when it can hear a conversation from over 400 miles away. Indeed, early experiments by the CIA (sadly curtailed due to the dissappearence of several crucial figures, and the obliteration by 'forces unknown' of two bases) suggest that goat's hearing is so sensitive that they can 'hear' the pattern that electrons hit a CRT with, thus being able to tell what letters are being typed. Luckily, this ability is limited in range, most goats apparently unable to achieve this feat if they are more than 10 metres away from the screen, or if there is some *extremely* loud diversionary noise. This has led to the development of the nuclear bunkers in this country, with them now soundproofed, and filled with Country and Western music at a 100 dB level. (Hatred of C+W crosses the species barrier - some psychologists hold this offers the hope of an eventual peace settlement. Others point out that even cockroaches hate C+W music.) All workers are of course issued with ear protectors, and so far this has been successful. However, some information does some to be leaking out. It is believed that some goats are developing a system of hearing that can actually filter out any noise of a lower volume than a thermonuclear explosion (for an observer situated 30 metres away) *at will*. They can then select which noises to hear - this is akin to the focussing of hearing that humans can achieve, such as being able to carry out a conversation in a crowded and noisy room, though obviously the goats ability is at a much higher level. The UN is obviously worried about this situation - it can be seen that continuous explosion of nuclear devices could cause a bit of a stir, and even alert the general population to the threat. They are therefore examining any and all ways that the necessary volume can be achieved without recourse to such drastic means. They've been after Kate for a while, apparently. Spread the truth! Don't let them keep you in the dark! Together we will survive! -- Trev - I think I need more sleep and less caffeine.
Re: Goats
Author: Dunc
Date: Sun, 29 Oct 2000 23:04
Date: Sun, 29 Oct 2000 23:04
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Trev wrote: > <snip goat paranoia> > > They've been after Kate for a while, apparently. All that just for a cheap jibe at Kate... > Spread the truth! Don't let them keep you in the dark! Together we > will survive! Yeah, baby yeah, you and me against the goats. :) I will deny saying that. > -- > Trev - I think I need more sleep and less caffeine. No, keep the brain humming. :) -- Dunc When they see us coming the birdies all try n hide, But they still go for peanuts when coated in cyanide. -Tom Lehrer
Re: Goats
Author: Trev
Date: Sun, 29 Oct 2000 23:08
Date: Sun, 29 Oct 2000 23:08
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On Sun, 29 Oct 2000 23:04:16 +0000, Dunc <Duncan.Taylor@dunelm.org.uk> wrote: >Trev wrote: ><snip goat paranoia> >> They've been after Kate for a while, apparently. >All that just for a cheap jibe at Kate... It didn't start out to be a cheap jibe at Kate. It just naturally developed that way... She must be on my mind, or something. >> Spread the truth! Don't let them keep you in the dark! Together we >> will survive! > >Yeah, baby yeah, you and me against the goats. :) >I will deny saying that. Mwahahahahahahahahaha! Too late! They know! Soon the men in black will appear to ask you a few 'questions'. Be afraid! Trev retreats into his underground lair. >> Trev - I think I need more sleep and less caffeine. >No, keep the brain humming. :) My brain hums when it's bored. Therefore I should read more newsgroups... -- Trev
Re: Goats
Author: Kate
Date: Mon, 30 Oct 2000 12:16
Date: Mon, 30 Oct 2000 12:16
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<snip> > that continuous explosion of nuclear devices could cause a bit of a > stir, and even alert the general population to the threat. They are > therefore examining any and all ways that the necessary volume can be > achieved without recourse to such drastic means. > > They've been after Kate for a while, apparently. How can you be sure? -- Nick Bradbeer is the smoothest person I know. He's the kind of person who, if you ground up, would be very good as gear oil. Dave Nutter.
Re: Goats
Author: Trev
Date: Tue, 31 Oct 2000 14:15
Date: Tue, 31 Oct 2000 14:15
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On Mon, 30 Oct 2000 12:16:59 +0000, Kate <K.J.Dobson@durham.ac.uk> wrote: >> They've been after Kate for a while, apparently. > >How can you be sure? Well, I've always known I had competition. *bad-a-bum-tish* -- Trev
Re: Goats
Author: Kate
Date: Wed, 01 Nov 2000 11:23
Date: Wed, 01 Nov 2000 11:23
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Trev wrote: > > On Mon, 30 Oct 2000 12:16:59 +0000, Kate <K.J.Dobson@durham.ac.uk> > wrote: > > >> They've been after Kate for a while, apparently. > > > >How can you be sure? > > Well, I've always known I had competition. > > *bad-a-bum-tish* For what? Refusal? -- Nick Bradbeer is the smoothest person I know. He's the kind of person who, if you ground up, would be very good as gear oil. Dave Nutter.
Re: Goats
Author: Trev
Date: Wed, 01 Nov 2000 14:04
Date: Wed, 01 Nov 2000 14:04
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On Wed, 01 Nov 2000 11:23:12 +0000, Kate <K.J.Dobson@durham.ac.uk> wrote: >Trev wrote: >> >> On Mon, 30 Oct 2000 12:16:59 +0000, Kate <K.J.Dobson@durham.ac.uk> >> wrote: >> >> >> They've been after Kate for a while, apparently. >> > >> >How can you be sure? >> >> Well, I've always known I had competition. >> >> *bad-a-bum-tish* > >For what? Refusal? You know you find me irresistable really. -- Trev - own little world, own little world...
Re: Goats
Author: Kate
Date: Thu, 02 Nov 2000 12:08
Date: Thu, 02 Nov 2000 12:08
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Trev wrote: > > On Wed, 01 Nov 2000 11:23:12 +0000, Kate <K.J.Dobson@durham.ac.uk> > wrote: > > >Trev wrote: > >> > >> On Mon, 30 Oct 2000 12:16:59 +0000, Kate <K.J.Dobson@durham.ac.uk> > >> wrote: > >> > >> >> They've been after Kate for a while, apparently. > >> > > >> >How can you be sure? > >> > >> Well, I've always known I had competition. > >> > >> *bad-a-bum-tish* > > > >For what? Refusal? > > You know you find me irresistable really. No. -- Nick Bradbeer is the smoothest person I know. He's the kind of person who, if you ground up, would be very good as gear oil. Dave Nutter.
Re: Goats
Author: Trev
Date: Thu, 02 Nov 2000 16:12
Date: Thu, 02 Nov 2000 16:12
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On Thu, 02 Nov 2000 12:08:42 +0000, Kate <K.J.Dobson@durham.ac.uk> wrote: >Trev wrote: >> You know you find me irresistable really. >No. You didn't know that? No wonder I've been having so little success. Kate, you find me irresistable. -- Trev - whee!
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