🚀 go-pugleaf

              SILVER BULLET #2687 (pantents pending)
    Copyright 1999 by D. Scott Secor, Year 2000 Institute
     URL:  http://y2k.board.org/  Email: y2k@board.org

Since Peter de Yawner has done an about face, I too have had an epiphany of
sorts.  This is likely to come as absolutely fabulous news for the DumbBrood
(Broom Doods), Luddites and technophobes of every stripe, Rush Limbaugh, and
a host of others suffering from abject denial.

 Since I have focused my attention on pressing Year 2000 issues over the
past few years, I believed that it is timely that I have unwittingly
stumbled across the ultimate "Silver Bullet".  It is certain to save us all.

 Does the cure involve a complex algorithm heretofore undiscovered?  No.

 Does it mandate hoarding of unpalatable food stuffs, bleach-laden water, or
hollow-point ammunition?  No.

 Would you have to flee to the countryside to live in a hollow tree, stolen
Port-a-Potty, or empty culvert?  Not if you don't enjoy the great
outdoors -- a lot!

 Might it demand severe personal sacrifices of any kind?  Confidentially, it
does not.

My plan is far, far simpler.  Bear with me on this, as I am about to create
a "link".

 A link(tm) is a feat which involves the joining of two or more seemingly
unrelated news stories.  This should only be attempted by seasoned
professionals, according to St. Paul Pioneer Press columnist and KSTP 1500
on-air talent Joe Soucheray.

Most would agree that the character-free First Felon has the inherent
ability to shrug the most damning of scandals that would have otherwise
thwarted (or jailed) mere mortals.  His long history of lurid sex scandals
(e.g., decades of "Bimbo eruptions") and traitorous actions (e.g.,
technology transfers for ChiComm campaign contributions) quickly confirms
this suspicion.  Bubba has achieved a slipperiness that easily eclipses that
of Teflon -- something akin to a freshly manicured Hockey rink covered by
dense layer of ball bearings, topped with an inch or two of "Slick 50" MTFE
engine oil treatment.  Actually, this may be a grossly inadequate
comparison.

 Nevertheless, every time such scandals burst forth on the scene, Slick
Willie's  approval rating wonderously INCREASES and the Dow Jones willingly
responds with a 200 or 300-point rally.  This is key to the plan's success.
Therefore, I appeal to everyone to stop wasting their valuable time and
precious resources on Y2k Projects and Preparations long enough to heed my
sage advice.

 To echo the immortal words of commodity broker turned agrarian engineer
Paul Milne, "Remediation is futile".  Or to repeat my practically as
immortal (but far more realistic) words "Awareness is futile".  We must
immediately halt whatever Y2k remediation efforts with which we are
presently involved!  There is no need to patch another line of errant legacy
code, replace a wayward embedded system, or cowtow to the whims of
bothersome government regulators.

 The only preparation required to circumvent the insidious nature of all Y2k
issues would be a live televised sexual indiscretion -- the racier or more
perverse the better -- featuring the President and his plaything of the
month.  Sick Willie would be required to perform innovative sex acts that
would make a pornographer blush.  Extra points will be awarded for athletic
ability, originality, and defying the laws of physics.

For example, the well-timed strangulation of the object of his infection
might add to the overall effect.  This historic event could be choreographed
by Larry Flint and Dick Morris, with color commentary by Marv Alpert and
Xaviara Hollander.

 The "newsworthy" broadcast _MUST_ be aired on New Year's Evil during Prime
Time viewing hours for maximum effectivity.  The following Monday, any
dastardly Y2k disturbances would be offset entirely by the record increase
in the Dow Jones Industrial Average, perhaps greater than one thousand
points in a single trading day.

Doubtless, shortly thereafter the First Prevaricator would be installed as
King of the World, his lawful debts forgiven, and his partner du jour would
be awarded a Pull-it-sir (sur)prize -- or possibly granted Sainthood if she
swallowed or smoked the cigar.

Whadaya think?  I have saved the global economy, averted accidental nuclear
warfare, avoided civil unrest, and resolved the multi-facetted Y2k Problem
in one swell foop.

 Oh sure, my Silver Bullet #2687 (patents pending) could use a little
tweaking, but what the heck, it's got "Clinton" written (or should I say
"dribbled") all over it.   Black helicopters optional at extra cost.


Ciao,


--
D. Scott Secor, Year 2000 Institute & Board of Inquiry, Mpls., MN USA
Home of the Daily Hemorrhoid Examiner -- hundreds of  news links
plus 450 popular comic links -- URL:  http://y2k.board.org/g_news.html