🚀 go-pugleaf

Follow-up set: aus.net.access

Gather around children and I will tell you an Australian fairytale.

This is the first story in a series of tales about Eric the loopy
lyrebird
and his madcap internet adventures. In this episode Eric the loopy
lyrebird sets out to uncap his cable modem but runs into trouble when
he
meets Nigel the naughty numbat.
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<<<<------           Eric and the cursed cable modem.
------>>>>

One day, Eric the loopy lyrebird was playing on the superhighway when
he
found a strange book. The dustjacket had a big picture of a skull and
crossed bones with some writing down the spine. The writing said, "How
to
uncap your cable modem - The definitive guide." The loopy lyrebird was
very excited by this, he knew his friends would be very impressed with
his
new find, and he liked to appear clever to his friends. He decided to
keep
his find a secret until he could use it to uncap his cable modem.

The loopy lyrebird was so happy he skipped and whistled all the way
home,
dreaming of how clever he would look when he uncapped his cable modem.
But
when the loopy lyrebird got home and opened the book it was full of
gibberish that he could not understand! He was very upset, but he so
very
much wanted to appear clever to all his friends that he put on his
thinking cap and set out his pencils and started to read the bits and
bytes that he could understand.

It was very slow going and the loopy lyrebird had to stop often, his
poor
little head was aching and his thoughts were spinning around and
around.
It was a very difficult book to understand, especially for a loopy
lyrebird. But this was a very determined little lyrebird, and he had a
very good imagination. When he came across bits he didn't understand he
skipped over them, or made up something much simpler instead. Soon he
thought he understood it all and he was feeling very pleased.

It was then that the loopy lyrebird realised that his newly learned
cable
modem hacking skills would not work with his trusty nortel cable modem.
He
had the wrong cable modem! The silly little lyrebird was very upset, he
had gone to so much trouble to learn his new cable modem hacking skills
and now he would not be able to impress his friends. So the loopy
lyrebird
sat down once again and put his thinking cap on, he was determined to
impress his friends.

The loopy lyrebird was often very good at getting his own way, and he
was
determined to get a new cable modem. He hatched a cunning plan to buy a
new motorola cable modem from a wholesaler which was much cheaper than
his
service provider, Telecommunication Soup, or T-Soup as they liked to be
called. The wholesaler placed his order and he congratulated himself
for
his cleverness as he settled in to wait for delivery.

The loopy lyrebird decided that he wouldn't need his old nortel cable
modem once he got his new motorola cable modem, so he decided he may as
well sell the old modem. He didn't want to arouse any suspicions so he
made up a story about changing service providers to ADSL and placed
advertisements on various bulletin boards.

02/06/03
http://groups.google.com/group/aus.net.access/msg/504310fd5f0c40cf

It was only after he took delivery of his shiny new motorola cable
modem
that he discovered his service provider, T-Soup, would not allow that
modem on their network. The silly little lyrebird was very angry and
stamped his little feet and shouted at T-Soup, but they would not
change
their mind. The silly little lyrebird was very disappointed and sent
his
new cable modem back to the wholesaler.

When the loopy lyrebird had calmed down, he spoke to T-Soup and
confirmed
that they would allow one of their secondhand motorola cable modems on
the
network. With this new information in mind he hatched a new plan to get
a
pesky motorola cable modem. It really was very inconsiderate of T-Soup
to
make it so difficult for him to uncap his cable modem, and he so
desperately wanted to appear clever in front of his friends.

By now the loopy lyrebird was getting very frustrated, he simply had to
be
the first to uncap his cable modem and tell his friends. So much time
had
passed he was very scared that someone else would beat him to it!

So once again the loopy lyrebird placed an advertisement on various
bulletin boards. This time he said he wanted to upgrade his nortel
cable
modem to a newer model that had better features. It seems nobody
remembered that he was previously trying to sell his cable modem when
he
claimed to be moving to ADSL.

31/08/03
http://groups.google.com/group/aus.net.access/msg/52dabc6ff2b28efe

He placed these advertisements everywhere he could think of, including
on
T-Soups private message boards that only T-Soup customers could access.
It
was here that he was to meet Nigel the naughty numbat, a meeting that
would change his life forever, as well as the online lives of complete
strangers all across the land.

The first hints of trouble started when Nigel the naughty numbat, who
was
selling an old nortel cable modem, left a message for the loopy
lyrebird
saying he had a cable modem for sale. The loopy lyrebird read this
message
and told the naughty numbat that he only wanted a motorola cable modem
because it had extra features. Unfortunately for the loopy lyrebird
this
was not true of T-Soup motorola cable modems, and a little argument
started on the T-Soup message boards.

Nigel the naughty numbat really was a very naughty numbat, and he poked
and prodded the little loopy lyrebird and coaxed him into a towering
rage.
Unfortunately for Eric the loopy lyrebird, when he got angry he lost
all
reason and would stutter and splutter and make terrible spelling
mistakes,
the naughty numbat thought this was hilarious and teased him
mercilessly
until finally the loopy lyrebird told him the real reason he wanted a
motorola cable modem.

The loopy lyrebird was very upset, it seems all of his plans to be the
first to uncap his cable modem and appear clever to his friends had
failed! The naughty numbat had made him reveal his secret mission and
was
upsetting him very much, and now all these other people had come out to
laugh at him and ridicule his cable modem uncapping plan. "What would
they
know about cable modem hacking!" he thought to himself, "I have read
the
book! They know nothing!".

The loopy lyrebird was very stubborn and refused to believe he might be
wrong, but he still wanted to appear clever to his friends. So the
loopy
lyrebird continued to use the T-Soup message boards to boast about how
he
could uncap his cable modem, he ignored those who told him he couldn't
do
it, and ignored their technical questions which he didn't understand.
He
really was a very stupid lyrebird and saw nothing wrong in using
T-Soups
message boards to discuss hacking T-Soup cable modems.

Meanwhile Nigel the naughty numbat, who didn't care much for technical
things like uncapping cable modems, was having so much fun poking and
prodding the loopy lyrebird. No matter what he did the lyrebird would
always respond, and he found it so amusing to tease him until he
started
spluttering and speaking in tongues. It seemed nobody liked the
lyrebird
and his insistent boasting about his elite cable modem hacking skills.

It is not known if the loopy lyrebird ever did get a motorola cable
modem,
or if he ever managed to uncap it on the T-Soup network. Shortly after
he
started fighting with Nigel the naughty numbat, Eric the loopy lyrebird
announced he would soon be moving house.

14/10/03
http://groups.google.com/group/aus.net.access/msg/e5660d0c9495f587

When moving time came, the loopy lyrebird again offered his cable modem
for sale; the _same_ cable modem he had tried to sell six months
earlier.

13/11/03
http://groups.google.com/group/aus.net.access/msg/3e1de5796d1b5ff8

Eric the loopy lyrebird still likes to boast about his elite cable
modem
hacking skills whenever he gets the chance.

10/02/04
http://groups.google.com/group/aus.net.access/msg/f954cc179cb54e90
23/09/04
http://groups.google.com/group/alt.luser.recovery/msg/dec2d4e11609e7bd

He has even claimed that he ran his cable modem uncapped on the T-Soup
network for six months!

30/03/04
http://groups.google.com/group/alt.luser.recovery/msg/01d8607c6e7e7560

And that he still has his _motorola_ cable modem.

29/03/04
http://groups.google.com/group/alt.luser.recovery/msg/2eb0080883c61d3f

What is known is that the bitter feud between Eric the loopy lyrebird
and
Nigel the naughty numbat continues to this day, and that this fight
started because Eric the loopy lyrebird wanted to appear clever in
front
of his friends and become an elite cable modem hacker.


The Echidna.

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Stay tuned for the next episode in which Eric moves house and we meet
his
friends the Galahs who are teased mercilessly by the wicked trolls.

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