🚀 go-pugleaf

Follow-up set: aus.net.access

Gather around children and I will tell you an Australian fairytale.

This is the first story in a series of tales about Eric the loopy
lyrebird and his madcap internet adventures. In this episode Eric the
loopy lyrebird sets out to uncap his cable modem but runs into trouble
when he meets Nigel the naughty numbat.
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<<<<------         Eric and the cursed cable modem.         ------>>>>

One day, Eric the loopy lyrebird was playing on the superhighway when
he found a strange book. The dustjacket had a big picture of a skull
and crossed bones with some writing down the spine. The writing said,
"How to uncap your cable modem - The definitive guide." The loopy
lyrebird was very excited by this, he knew his friends would be very
impressed with his new find, and he liked to appear clever to his
friends. He decided to keep his find a secret until he could use it to
uncap his cable modem.

The loopy lyrebird was so happy he skipped and whistled all the way
home, dreaming of how clever he would look when he uncapped his cable
modem. But when the loopy lyrebird got home and opened the book it was
full of gibberish that he could not understand! He was very upset, but
he so very much wanted to appear clever to all his friends that he put
on his thinking cap and set out his pencils and started to read the
bits and bytes that he could understand.

It was very slow going and the loopy lyrebird had to stop often, his
poor little head was aching and his thoughts were spinning around and
around. It was a very difficult book to understand, especially for a
loopy lyrebird. But this was a very determined little lyrebird, and he
had a very good imagination. When he came across bits he didn't
understand he skipped over them, or made up something much simpler
instead. Soon he thought he understood it all and he was feeling very
pleased.

It was then that the loopy lyrebird realised that his newly learned
cable modem hacking skills would not work with his trusty nortel cable
modem. He had the wrong cable modem! The silly little lyrebird was
very upset, he had gone to so much trouble to learn his new cable
modem hacking skills and now he would not be able to impress his
friends. So the loopy lyrebird sat down once again and put his
thinking cap on, he was determined to impress his friends.

The loopy lyrebird was often very good at getting his own way, and he
was determined to get a new cable modem. He hatched a cunning plan to
buy a new motorola cable modem from a wholesaler which was much
cheaper than his service provider, Telecommunication Soup, or T-Soup
as they liked to be called. The wholesaler placed his order and he
congratulated himself for his cleverness as he settled in to wait for
delivery.

The loopy lyrebird decided that he wouldn't need his old nortel cable
modem once he got his new motorola cable modem, so he decided he may
as well sell the old modem. He didn't want to arouse any suspicions so
he made up a story about changing service providers to ADSL and placed
advertisements on various bulletin boards.

02/06/03
http://groups.google.com/group/aus.net.access/msg/504310fd5f0c40cf

It was only after he took delivery of his shiny new motorola cable
modem that he discovered his service provider, T-Soup, would not allow
that modem on their network. The silly little lyrebird was very angry
and stamped his little feet and shouted at T-Soup, but they would not
change their mind. The silly little lyrebird was very disappointed and
sent his new cable modem back to the wholesaler.

When the loopy lyrebird had calmed down, he spoke to T-Soup and
confirmed that they would allow one of their secondhand motorola cable
modems on the network. With this new information in mind he hatched a
new plan to get a pesky motorola cable modem. It really was very
inconsiderate of T-Soup to make it so difficult for him to uncap his
cable modem, and he so desperately wanted to appear clever in front of
his friends.

By now the loopy lyrebird was getting very frustrated, he simply had
to be the first to uncap his cable modem and tell his friends. So much
time had passed he was very scared that someone else would beat him to
it!

So once again the loopy lyrebird placed an advertisement on various
bulletin boards. This time he said he wanted to upgrade his nortel
cable modem to a newer model that had better features. It seems nobody
remembered that he was previously trying to sell his cable modem when
he claimed to be moving to ADSL.

31/08/03
http://groups.google.com/group/aus.net.access/msg/52dabc6ff2b28efe

He placed these advertisements everywhere he could think of, including
on T-Soups private message boards that only T-Soup customers could
access. It was here that he was to meet Nigel the naughty numbat, a
meeting that would change his life forever, as well as the online
lives of complete strangers all across the land.

The first hints of trouble started when Nigel the naughty numbat, who
was selling an old nortel cable modem, left a message for the loopy
lyrebird saying he had a cable modem for sale. The loopy lyrebird read
this message and told the naughty numbat that he only wanted a
motorola cable modem because it had extra features. Unfortunately for
the loopy lyrebird this was not true of T-Soup motorola cable modems,
and a little argument started on the T-Soup message boards.

Nigel the naughty numbat really was a very naughty numbat, and he
poked and prodded the little loopy lyrebird and coaxed him into a
towering rage. Unfortunately for Eric the loopy lyrebird, when he got
angry he lost all reason and would stutter and splutter and make
terrible spelling mistakes, the naughty numbat thought this was
hilarious and teased him mercilessly until finally the loopy lyrebird
told him the real reason he wanted a motorola cable modem.

The loopy lyrebird was very upset, it seems all of his plans to be the
first to uncap his cable modem and appear clever to his friends had
failed! The naughty numbat had made him reveal his secret mission and
was upsetting him very much, and now all these other people had come
out to laugh at him and ridicule his cable modem uncapping plan. "What
would they know about cable modem hacking!" he thought to himself, "I
have read the book! They know nothing!".

The loopy lyrebird was very stubborn and refused to believe he might
be wrong, but he still wanted to appear clever to his friends. So the
loopy lyrebird continued to use the T-Soup message boards to boast
about how he could uncap his cable modem, he ignored those who told
him he couldn't do it, and ignored their technical questions which he
didn't understand. He really was a very stupid lyrebird and saw
nothing wrong in using T-Soups message boards to discuss hacking
T-Soup cable modems.

Meanwhile Nigel the naughty numbat, who didn't care much for technical
things like uncapping cable modems, was having so much fun poking and
prodding the loopy lyrebird. No matter what he did the lyrebird would
always respond, and he found it so amusing to tease him until he
started spluttering and speaking in tongues. It seemed nobody liked
the lyrebird and his insistent boasting about his elite cable modem
hacking skills.

It is not known if the loopy lyrebird ever did get a motorola cable
modem, or if he ever managed to uncap it on the T-Soup network.
Shortly after he started fighting with Nigel the naughty numbat, Eric
the loopy lyrebird announced he would soon be moving house.

14/10/03
http://groups.google.com/group/aus.net.access/msg/e5660d0c9495f587

When moving time came, the loopy lyrebird again offered his cable
modem for sale; the _same_ cable modem he had tried to sell six months
earlier.

13/11/03
http://groups.google.com/group/aus.net.access/msg/3e1de5796d1b5ff8

Eric the loopy lyrebird still likes to boast about his elite cable
modem hacking skills whenever he gets the chance.

10/02/04
http://groups.google.com/group/aus.net.access/msg/f954cc179cb54e90
23/09/04
http://groups.google.com/group/alt.luser.recovery/msg/dec2d4e11609e7bd

He has even claimed that he ran his cable modem uncapped on the T-Soup
network for six months!

30/03/04
http://groups.google.com/group/alt.luser.recovery/msg/01d8607c6e7e7560

And that he still has his _motorola_ cable modem.

29/03/04
http://groups.google.com/group/alt.luser.recovery/msg/2eb0080883c61d3f

What is known is that the bitter feud between Eric the loopy lyrebird
and Nigel the naughty numbat continues to this day, and that this
fight started because Eric the loopy lyrebird wanted to appear clever
in front of his friends and become an elite cable modem hacker.


The Echidna.

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Stay tuned for the next episode in which Eric moves house and we meet
his friends the Galahs who are teased mercilessly by the wicked
trolls.

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