🚀 go-pugleaf

I am not smithers@pyrhard2.eng.pyramid.com (John Milford Smithers).  I didn't say:
>Dating services, personals, its all maddening.  I read personals and use them
>to beat myself up.  I always find ways in which I don't qualify.

It's your own fault for not considering yourself to be totally cool, then.

>They want
>a professional.  What is a professional?  I'm an engineering tech.  Does that
>qualify as a prof?

I always use it to mean "person with a job that pays a salary."  (ie:
McDonald's employees getting $5/hr are out.)  Snobby, perhaps, but that's
me.

>Attractive...  I'm overweight.  When I feel good, I feel
>attractive, when I don't, I'm not.

As you correctly identify below, it's a self-esteem thing.  You either think
you're hot or you don't.  Start thinking positive.  People react to you the
way you `tell' them to (verbal/body language/whatever).

>I can't imagine replying to or writing a personal.

Well, that's a problem, sure.  But what have you got to lose?  You wind up
on a terrible date, you make some lame excuse and never call again.  Works
like a charm.  It's almost expected!  I've had a few nightmare dates.  You
say, "oh gosh, I have to get up at 5 AM tomorrow for jury duty" or
whatever.  I actually ran into one woman I brushed off like that later and
it was a nervous minute.  Fortunately, she was out with some other man and
just waved quickly.

On the other hand, you might meet the girl of your dreams.

>I feel that I must be honest and don't know how to package myself.  I suppose
>what it comes down to is that if someone isn't interested because of my weight,
>to hell with them, but this isn't an easy attitude for me to maintain.  

Damn the torpedoes.  Full speed ahead.  Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke.
Seriously, just list your height and weight and if they can't deal, then
that's their loss.

>I'd appreciate honest and constructive replies.  Sharing some experience,
>strength and hope would also be appreciated.

OK, a few years ago I decided to give the personal ad thing a whirl.  First
pointer for men: answering a woman's ad is a very risky proposition - they
usually get TONS of responses and unless you're way up on the list, you can
forget about getting a return call.  So, this leaves taking out your own ad
as the most viable alternative.  Also, it means you can just sit on your
butt and wait for the calls to start flooding in.  I am in my early 20's so
I'm instantly at a disadvantage (not a lot of people my age looking in the
personals, it seems), but I got one or two calls per ad.  Given that the ads
run for two weeks and it usually takes a week or two to decide if you want
to pursue a person actively, that's a fine number of calls.

So, you call the person, you talk for a while, find out if there's any sort
of commonality (if you've written your ad well, there usually is enough to
warrant some kind of meeting).  Meet at a nice public place, like a coffee
shop, have a very informal chat over coffee or whatever.  You'll know soon
enough whether or not there's any impetus for continuing.  If you call back
in a few days and she says she's busy, give it one more shot and then give
up - you're being brushed off.  (You might say, "well, it was a REALLY good
excuse."  In that case, try it once more, but NEVER push it past three.)

Even if romance fails to blossom, at least it gets you out of the house
every once in a while.  Alternatively, if you meet the perfect person who
later blows you off, you have a whole new set of problems to lament about.


-- 
Jon Drukman (finely honed machine)              uunet!sco!jondr   jondr@sco.com
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Eat right, exercise regularly, die anyway.