🚀 go-pugleaf

@@@@@   @   @@@@    @@@   @   @   @@@    @@@   @@@   @  The Series
@       @   @   @  @   @  @@  @  @   @  @     @      @
@@@     @   @@@@   @   @  @ @ @  @@@@@  @     @      @   (C) 1996
@       @   @   @  @   @  @  @@  @   @  @     @      @   Astatine
@       @   @@@@    @@@   @   @  @   @   @@@   @@@   @  H. Valence

             ==Episode #1: Grapes!  Yay!  Yay!==


[Um...  Teeny?  Shouldn't that be Episode #2?]

Nope.  The first two elements in the classical Fibonacci Series are #1,
by definition.

[But...  Huh?]

The first two elements are one and one.  Each of the subsequent elements
are found by taking the sum of the previous two.

[Um, okay.  Will be ever get to Episode #3 so that you can become an
Author?]

#3 will be the fourth element.  1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, 21, 34, 55, 89...

[Well, that's not so bad.  And we'll catch up with Team M.E.C.H.A. in no
time at all!]

What should this episode be about, Mickey?

[According to Ralph's, we need a villain for Fibonacci to fight.]

We had a villain last time.

[The bank robber?]

No, the McDonalds clerk who made Fibonacci wait all afternoon for his
food!  We don't need to worry about the bank robber -- he made the Padua
"X Most Wanted" list and was picked up by the FBI a few days later.

[Do you have a villain we can use on a regular basis, or is Fibonacci
going to have to spend the entire series in a 13th century McDonalds?]

Weeeeeeeell...  We would have to go to McDonalds ourselves to do
research, wouldn't we?  My father used to say that research is the
second most important aspect of any project, you know.  We'd probably
end up spending all of our free time there, to be sure that we got it
all right, and we'd have to sample extensively from the menu...
Mmmmmm...  And I think it would be tax deductible!

[We can't go back there, Teeny.  Not after what you did in their
playground the last time.]

Hey, that wasn't my fault!  If you make a giant hamburger out of
fiberglass, you should know that someone's going to take a bite out of
it sooner or later.

[Just start the story, Teeny.]

Okay.  Fibonacci ended up having a vanilla shake with lunch, and he
bought one of those cherry pies to take back to the lab, but he didn't
have enough money to stop and get ice cream.  There was a candy machine
in the lab building that was kind of broken, though, and if you hit it
just right you could get a free Mars bar.  So it wasn't like he was
going hungry or anything.  And he could always borrow some cheese from
the supplies that were meant for the lab rats, and there was another
lab nearby with monkeys -- and they had grapes and bananas left
unguarded in their fridge!

[Sounds like a wonderful place to work.]

Thanks.  I based it off of my dad's old lab.

[Somehow, I'm not surprised.  Can you introduce a villain already?]

Villain, villain, hmmm...  Well, there was this one monkey that would
scream and shriek whenever Fibonacci came in, as if he somehow knew that
Fibonacci was taking all the best grapes and leaving the shriveled sour
ones behind.  I hated that monkey...

[That's not evil enough, Teeny.  Think about some of the villains we've
faced in real life.]

Hmmm...  How 'bout that guy at the all-you-can-eat salad bar who refused
to bring out another bin of cherry tomatoes?

[I was thinking more along the lines of the Serially Numbered Underlings
or Maladroit or Admiral Morgan...]

I like Morgan.  When she takes over the Earth, she's going to put me in
charge of the world's chocolate supplies.

[All right, bad example...  Just take the most evil person you can think
of and make him into a villain.]

Okay, I've got it!

[Yay!]

As our hero returned to his lab with his arms full of much-deserved
grapes, he was completely unaware of the evil that was happening just
27.361 kilometers away!  There was a man sitting by himself in a
darkened room in the basement of a government building.  Fibonacci had
never met him, but the man knew Fibonacci well from the information in
his files -- his date of birth, place of residence, social security
number, and even his tenure status at the University of Northern
Minnesota at 13th Century Padua!

And there was one paragraph in particular that he was reading over and
over again.  "Purpose of grant: To introduce Arabic numerals to 13th
Century Europe, making it possible for modern banking and accounting
systems to develop and greatly aiding further studies in mathematics and
the sciences."

The man reached into his top drawer and pulled out a small item.
Slowly, he moved his hand over the file, and then slammed it down hard.
And when he lifted his hand, there were red marks on the file where
there had not been any before.  And through some process that I don't
fully understand, the marks formed into letters, and the letters made
words, and the words said:

   "FUNDING DENIED"

And the man leaned back in his chair and laughed, evilly, for a long
time.

[Good!  Great!  I love it!]

And after the man was done laughing, he ordered a pizza.  With
pepperonis and mushrooms and black olives and barbecued chicken and
maybe anchovies.  Do villains like anchovies, Mickey?

[Agh.  Just say goodnight, Teeny.]

Goodnight, Teeny!


WILL THE VILLAIN GET ANCHOVIES ON HIS PIZZA?

WILL IT ARRIVE IN 30 MINUTES OR LESS?

WILL HE GIVE THE DELIVERY PERSON A DECENT TIP?

Find out in the next exciting element of The Fibonacci Series!

---
Astatine H. Valence                              astatine@eyrie.org

   "Nixon in '96!  Nixon in '00!  Nixon in '04!  Nixon forever!"