🚀 go-pugleaf

     H'siao sat and cried in the distinctly moose-shaped hole.  "Now we'll
never catch up with Space Moose and Benedict Arnold.  *sniff*  Maybe I should
just give up."
     Yo-Yo and Enzio looked at each other... could it be true?  Will she stop
angsting?
     H'siao looked up, saw there faces, and grinned.  "Alright!  I give up!
(for now anyway).  So, what do you wanna do tonight?"
     "YES!" shouted the two guys.  Now back to the story.


                          Two Guys and a Lemming #8
                             Speaks with Lemurs

                             By:  Yvonne Bennett
                          The girl with a catbunny


     H'siao stood up and looked around, waiting for the author or whoever to
send down something to do.
     "Frink!"
     "Cool!  A lemur!  Now I can maybe figure these guys out!"
     Quick as only a shadow lemming could be, H'siao grabbed the lemur and
held him...um... <turn lemur upside down>... yeah, him, up to her face.
     Yo-Yo scratched his head.  "Psst.  Enzio.  Like, what's she doin'?"
     "I don't know... it almost looks like... no... it can't be... not the
lemming nose-mind meld!"
     "Ptang?"
     The lemur looked around to figure out what had just happened.... and
realized that he was being held by the lemming who had defeated his leader's
Leem-Jitsu form.
     The lemming leaned closer and very gently touched her nose to his and
mumbled something that sounded like....
     "My nose to your nose, your thoughts to my thoughts"
     The lemur panicked.
     "Frink!  P'tang!  WHOOOOO!!!"
     As the lemur squirmed in her grasp, H'siao concentrated, trying to
understand the lemur's strange language.  (She never had been able to read
minds like this, but it works wonders for translation).
     "Hey!  I can understand him!"
     Yo-Yo, unable to think of anything else to say, said, "What did the
little dude, like, say?"
     "I think he said, 'Help!  Lemme go!  AAIIEE!'"
     "Great!" exclaimed Enzio.  "Maybe we can find out something about them."
     H'siao and looked at them and then at the lemur.  "The only problem is, I
can only translate what he says.  I can't tell if he is lying."
     "Bummer.  But how do you do that in the first place?  Do you have, like,
psychic powers?"
     "I don't think so... but who knows what the Author is thinking."
     "Frink!"
     "Yeah, right.  I hope you don't expect me to believe that."
     "What did he say?" asked Enzio.
     "He said he has a direct line to the author's mind... Obviously, he's
lying.  Nobody can have a link like that."
     "Ptang."  [Disbeliever.]
     Yo-Yo jumped.  "Like, what the heck was that?"
     *it was the author deciding that since H'siao is translating, it would be
much easier for the reader to see it as subtitles.*
     "Reader!?" the three chorused.
     "Frink!" [Ouch!] chimed in the lemur.
     *Oh, fooey.  I let it slip.  Well, I'm an Author, right?*
     "Yeah," they said in harmony.
     *and Authors write things, right?*
     The three heros nodded.
     *and Readers read what the Authors write.  I'm writing you, so hopefully
there is somebody, somewhere reading this.... Readers.*
     H'siao blinked.  "Yeah, ok, if you say so... but I don't like the idea
that everyone is watching everything I do!"
     *not everything... I have _some_ sense of modesty, like what should be
private for you and the rest of the group.  Don't worry about it.  I'm a fair
Author.  I guess you're still a little to young to understand that... it'll
come in time.*

     Yo-Yo uncovered his ears.  "Is the Author gone yet?"
     H'siao pulled the lemur off her head.  "Yeah, I think so."
     Enzio pulled the plungers off of his ears... "I hope she quiets down
soon... that large booming, albeit female, voice is really getting on my
nerves."
     The lemur nodded it's head...
     "Frink."  [I'm now quite deaf, you realize?]
     H'siao blinked.  "Now I can't ask the little guy any questions... for a
while anyway.  Guess I shoulda covered his ears."
     "Ptang?"  [Huh?]
     H'siao lightly conked the lemur on the head.  His eyes widened, and he
fell unconscious.
     "Like, what'd you do that for?"  asked Yo-Yo.
     "I wanna talk to him later, when his hearing comes back.  He should heal
faster if he's asleep."
     Enzio scratched his head.  "Can't argue with that logic."

     After the group got back to the hotel, the lemur started to wake up.
     "Frink!?  Frink!!  Ptang!  Whhhooooo."  [Where am I!?  Help!!  Oh no!
Not that <censored> lemming again.]
     Thankfully, since H'siao was wating for the lemur to wake up, she was
already in position to translate.
     "censored?"
     H'siao growled at the lemur.  "You better clean up your language, bub."
     "Ptang."  [Sorry.]
     "That's better."
     H'siao decided to take off her sunglasses.  Not because she couldn't see
in the poorly lit room, but becase she hoped to intimidate the lemur with eyes
that are larger than his head.
     Yo-Yo noticed, and quickly tried to stop her, but was too late.
     H'siao took off the glasses and the lemur stared deeply into the bluish-
green eyes that looked slightly animated and took up about half of the
lemming's face.
     "Whoooooo." [I love you.]
     H'siao blinked, creating a small breeze.  "Huh?"
     "Frink....Whoooo."  [I could swim in those eyes....I love you.]
     H'siao tossed the lemur to Enzio and went back to put her sunglasses on
and talk to Yo-Yo.
     "You seem to know a whole lot about lemurs... maybe you can explain this
reaction?"
     Yo-Yo shifted uneasily... he wasn't comfortable talking about this type
of thing.
     "Well, you know how humans will associate the size of hands with the size
of um, other body parts?"
     The fop blushed slightly as H'siao shook her head no.
     Enzio decided to help and quietly explained to the lemming.
     The lemming looked like a Christmas tree for a while there.... bright red
face (and nose) right below bright green hair.
     Yo-Yo continued, "Well, lemurs associate large eyes with the same thing."
     H'siao EEPED, turned around, and slapped the lemur.
     "FRINK!?"
     "What'd he say?"
     "I don't know.... I wasn't touching him."
     H'siao grabbed the lemur and put him up to her nose.
     "Now, what did you say?"
     "Ptang, FRINK!?"  [I said, WHAT'D YOU DO THAT FOR!?]
     "For thinking those kind of thoughts about me when I'm not thinking the
same about you!"
     "Ptang."  [Talk about your double standards.]
     "Right.  Now look!  I have a few questions for you.  I want you to answer
me truthfully.  If you don't, I _will_ hunt you down and kill you."
     "Frink, ptang....  Whoo."  [Yeah, looks like you've done real good at tryin
g to do
that to Benedict.... not that you'd stand a chance.]
     "Oh, shut up."
     Yo-Yo leaned over and whispered in the lemming's ear.  "Get on with it!"
     The lemming shook her head, and turned her attention back to the lemur.
"Alright now, why did y'all try to kill me?  And another thing, were you
really as stupid as I think you were for carrying around that NUCLEAR
DETONATOR?"
     After a flurry of frinks, ptangs, and whoos, the subtitles came on.
     [We're villains, you dolt!  We tried to kill you because you were yet
another threat to our plan! (and no, I won't tell you what the plan is).  When
you took out the leader, we realized that you could be deadly, and judging
from the way you handled the helicopter, we were right.  For your other
question, no we aren't stupid.  We knew exactly what would happen if we had
pressed that button.  We would have killed Space Moose.  We didn't press it
because we sorta had a hostage.  We would have gotten away if it wasn't for
you and your darn humans!]
     "Hey!" chorused Enzio and Yo-Yo.
     H'siao smirked for a moment, and went back to questioning the lemur.
     "Ok, you are all villains.... then where do you come from?"
     "Frink."  [Only _my_ Author knows for sure.]
     "What do you mean?"
     "Ptang.  Frink."  [Your Author is not my Author.  My Author let your
Author borrow me.]

Catbunny's note: *Miya?  Miya.*  [Did y'all follow all that?  I'm glad you
     did, because _I_ sure didn't.]

     "What just happened?"  Asked all three heros.
     The lemur sighed.  "Whoo?  Frink frink."  [Won't you ever learn?  Your
Author's Muse just put in a humorous point for the Readers.]
     The fop scratched his head through his floppy hat.  "Like, what's a
Muse?"
     "Ptang!  Frink ptang."  [You guys _are_ dumb!  A Muse gives the Author
Inspiration to write you guys.]
     Enzio nodded his head.  "I think I understand."
     "Whoo!"  [Finally!]
     H'siao suddenly realized something.  "Hey!  What's your name?"
     "Frink?  Whoo, ptang.... Frank."  [Name?  I don't know, I never really
thought about it.... Call me Frank.]
     H'siao snickered.  "Frank?  Frank frinks!  HAHAHa.. erk!"
     The "erk" was due to the fact that the lemur had just grabbed the
lemming's nose in what could be seen as an unorthodox form of the lemur death
grip.
     Frank stared menacingly.  "Frink, frink ptang.  Whoo?"  [Never, EVER
laugh at me.  Got it?]
     The lemming nodded, which accidentally flipped the lemur into the air,
and land on the windowsill of a window that happened to be open in the hotel
room.
     Before anyone could react, the lemur made a gesture with his forelegs
that everyone could understand... in other words, he saluted in the Spaceballs
fashion.  Then he jumped out the window, a parachute popping out from
somewhere on his back.  Hit the ground and ran off frinking wildly.

     Back in the hotel, the heros looked at each other.
     "I let him get away," sighed H'siao.
     "Yeah, you sure did," commented Yo-Yo, not noticing H'siao's wince.
     Enzio lightly patted the lemming on the back, which inadvertantly knocked
her to the floor.  "That's ok... we'll find out more later," he said, not
noticing the look on the lemming's face as she picked herself up.
     H'siao stopped herself from attacking, since she noticed that the other
two didn't notice that they were insulting her.  She sat down on the couch.
"Yeah, I guess it's time for us to try to do some other stuff... try to find
a base or something.  I promised I'd lay off trying to find Space Moose for a
while, and I'll keep my promise."
     Yo-Yo grinned hopefully, and turned on the TV to see what was going on.
     Enzio looked up.  "What the heck is that trial about?"
     H'siao looked for a few seconds..."Looks like something about the
Industrial Revolution."
*whap*
     "What was that?"
*the Author just got hit for mentioning the Indust....er... Crosso... er...
THING*
     "I give up."

WILL H'SIAO GIVE UP TRYING TO UNDERSTAND AUTHORIAL WAYS?????
DID THE AUTHOR _REALLY_ GET HIT WHEN SHE MENTIONED THE *THING*?????
ow.
HOW DOES THAT LEMMING MIND-MELD WORK, ANYWAY?????
kind of a universal translator.
THANK YOU.
your welcome.
SO WHAT WILL THE THREE DO NOW THAT THEY AREN'T CHASING SOMEONE OR TALKING
TO LEMURS?????
WILL THEY GET A BASE?????
WILL THEY CHECK OUT THE TRIAL OUT OF CONTINUITY?????
WHAT IS THAT LEMUR GONNA TELL THE REST OF THE LEMURS?????

Find out on the next S      Y!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
                      U    U
                       P  G
                        ER

comments to ybennett@vt.edu

__/^-^\__ *Miya!*