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The History of the Superguy Altiverse, Version 4.0, is Copyrighted (c) 1994
by Gary W. Olson.  The History is a Derivative Work based on stories and
concepts created by the authors who have written works that have appeared on
the Superguy list in its various forms over the years.  All characters named
or referred to herein are Trademarked by their respective authors, and are
used here by implicit permission of said authors solely for the purpose of
synopsis as delinated in "The Superguy Frequently Asked Questions List" posted
periodically on the Superguy Mailing List.  Permission is granted for storage
of this work in electronic form for personal reference and for the printing of
a single hard-copy for personal reference.  All other permissions, including
permission for publication in electronic or non-electronic media (including
CD-ROM) are reserved by the author.

----------------------
Welcome, ye lads and lasses, to Version 4.0 of the History of the
Superguy Altiverse!  Yes, that's right, this is the fourth year I will
be posting the history, which just seems to keep expanding every year.
Especially this year.  Go figure.

Anyway, this is the updated History of the Superguy Altiverse, version 4.0.
It only deals with what happened in the Superguy altiverse, and does not
reflect happenings in SfStory, MetaWorld, the Authors Altiverse, GameWorld,
Star Wrek, Blorg Trek, North Alaska, Dr. Who, or any other altiverse, unless
such events have a direct bearing on the Superguy altiverse.  If you'd like
to write histories for those altiverses, go ahead.  Have a party.  (It also
has nothing to do with the LNH reposts that have been appearing on Superguy.
LNH, as the FAQ states, is not a part of the Superguy altiversal structure,
and exists in 000SUPERGUY much like it does in 000REALLIFE: as fiction.)

The purpose of this history is to present a fairly digestible of the
various stories presented in Superguy over it's six year history, in such
a way that it will inspire pleasing nostalgia and encourage new authors to
contribute.

Unlike previous editions of the History, this edition does not begin with
the revelation of the existance and heroism of Wonder Grunion.  During the
past year, a number of events (most chronicled in the "Historical Superguy"
postings, as well as other storylines that touch on historical matters,
such as "Yesterday's Hero" and "Blood Season") have come to light, and, to
put these events in the proper perspective, the History will begin with
an overview of said events.  Then, we launch into the Modern Era, and the
parts of the History that you may already be familiar with, if you were
around last year, updated with summarizations of all the events of the past
year, up to and including the events of August 31st, 1994.  For information
on events past this date, see the archives on fenris.dhhalden.no (in
/pub/Comics/Fanfiction/Superguy), or ask the listserv for the logs.

The history is (insert number here) parts in length, and I'll be posting it
one part per day.  Try not to read them out of order, or you'll get confused
and start singing a medley of Helen Reddy tunes.  Once the posting of all
the parts is complete, the History will be collected into a single file,
Superguy.History.TEB, available on Fenris, or from the Superguy Web Server
(http://www.halcyon.com/superguy/superguy.html - follow the links from there).

Now...sit back, get comfortable, obtain your favorite beverage, and enjoy...

THE HISTORY OF THE SUPERGUY ALTIVERSE version 4.0!
--------------------------------------------------

(Pre-Modern Era)

In the beginning, it was dark, darker than the dark of night, darker than
darkness, darker than Bob Dole's thoughts.  And there was this big pancake,
you see, and it sort of blew up for no adequately explored reason, forming
galaxies, stars, and, eventually, Qwiki-Marts.  A number of interstellar
empires rose and fell and rose again and fell again and staggered and danced
and mated with other interstellar empires to form really really big inter-
stellar empires which would break apart and start the whole cycle over again.
Eventually, the collection of galactic entities that existed in the modern
era were formed, including but not limited to: the Interstellar Shriner
Empire, the Ottsamaddawidu Empire, the Heyustarddedit Federation, the
Canapians, the Blud Empire, the Kreep Confederation, the Xolchipalian
Federation, the Deadheads from Planet X (which, technically, weren't an
entity, but, hey, who's counting?), the Muuuahahahan Empire, the Dalan Empire,
and many others.  But we are not concerned about the stories of these entities,
as they will be revealed in due course during the unfolding of the History
anyway.  Instead, we focus upon a small, seemingly insignificant world...
Earth.

Very little is known about at what point, exactly, it was that the history of
Earth of altiverse 000SUPERGUY diverged from the history of Earth of altiverse
000REALLIFE, that is, the altiverse in which you are sitting and reading this,
instead of actually doing something useful with your life.  It is known that,
approximately five thousand years before the present, an epic battle took
place between legions of vampires, led by a non-vampiric mage named Tara, the
first true Sorceress Superlative on Earth, and legions of warriors led by
Gilgamesh.  The accounting of the battle is sketchy, and it is clear that a
number of cosmic things occured which are still shrouded in mystery.  This much
is known: Gilgamesh defeated Tara, though the Transcendence Dream that lived
within Tara lived on in Gilgamesh's offspring.  This Dream would be called a
Kalapurnea by the ancients of Mesopotamia, and would live on up to the present.

The battle is also notable for what it did to the hordes of vampires.  They
merged with the warriors they were in mortal combat with, and for some as-yet-
unrevealed reason, were fundamentally transformed, resulting in not one type
of new vampire, but many new types, which varied in their reactions to sunlight,
crosses, garlic, and opinions of Francis Ford Coppola.  This is referred to in
vampiric lore as The Fracturing, the first event in vampire history.

With the death of Tara, someone else, somewhere in the universe, became
Sorceress Superlative.  The title of Sorceress Superlative is an accreditation
given by the universe to a single being, representing an important aspect of
the Universe (darkness, in the case of the Sorceress Superlative).  Presumably,
all things being equal, the Universe would distribute its accreditations
with relative equanimity, throughout the many billions of worlds and suns it has
to choose from.  However, for some not entirely understood reason, the lion's
share of these accreditations have wound up on Earth, handed from one Earthling
to another to another, which has led to speculation in some quarters that the
Earth is the cosmic equivalent of the "Teacher's Pet."  But this is a mere
History, and we shall refrain from such idle hearsay.

The other accreditations will be revealed in due course.  There is one special
one that must be mentioned, due to the effect that it has had on the course of
history.  That is the accreditation of Sorcerer Superfluous -- that is, the
one not bound by the forces of destiny, the one who can screw up even the best,
most vivid prophecy, simply by wandering in at the wrong moment and belching.
It is known that King Arthur's reign at Camelot was supposed to be the start
of a Golden Age for humanity that would last a thousand years.  But, due to
the interference of the Sorceress Superfluous, the accreditation then held by
Guinevere, the influence of Camelot lasted but a generation.  On the other
hand, it is known that the Decrepit One, the one who would pass on the title
of Sorcerer Superfluous to Scholarman, was responsible for killing Adolph
Hitler in 1945, thus confounding the prophecies that had him living beyond
that time.

Conspiracies thrived, of course.  It is not known when the Bavarian Illuminati
first arose, or when the M00se Illuminati first arose to oppose them, or when
the Dis/Order of the Exploding Chao arose to confuse everyone, but all are
known to have been active in and around the 16th century, when the M00se
Illuminati bargained with Martin Luther to launch the Reformation, thus tilting
the balance of power away from the Bavarians, who supported the Church and
the Inquisition.  It was at this time that Chalandra Harkness was turned into
a vampire by the Count Dracula, with the assistance of a mysterious young woman
from the future who she only knew as "Little Fang."  It was also at this time
that Mary Hatchetnose, a young woman intent on becoming a Nun, met Martin
Luther, and began a passionate romance that would end when Martin chose the
Reformation over her.  Mary's story, too, will be revealed in due course.  Be
patient.

It is also known that an advanced race known as the COLUMBAns sent soldiers
to 1625 Italy to prevent the death of an inventor who, if he had survived,
would have invented a calculation machine and caused the Earth's scientific
progress to far outstrip its social progress, resulting in Earth's destruction.
Shannon Druida, Roger, Drakkor, and Black Eagle, otherwise known as the
Foolhardy Four, traveled from the Blorg Trek altiverse and back in time
to prevent this occurance, and then returned whence they came when they were
done.

Moving on to the twentieth century, we find that heroes (not known as superguys
at this point, as the legendary Superguy has not yet arrived) are beginning
to appear in abundance.  In the 1920's, the Golden Swashbuckler and The
Sleuth battled villains such as Mesmer the Magnificent, the Claw, Dark Shade,
and Midnight Molly.  In the 1940's, too old to fight on the battlefield, the
Golden Swashbuckler fought on the home front, alongside the Minuteman, Patrol
Pete, Nightstick, the Judge, Solitaire & Diamond, Stiletto & Claymore, Six-Gun
Sam & the All-American Lad, the Spy Smasher, the Torpedo, and The Sleuth.  It
was Spy Smasher and Torpedo who rescued the Manhatten Project from being
derailed by German paranorms, whose ranks included Blitzen, Das Krieger, and
Siegried - the Perfect Aryan.  This rescue convinced F.D.R. to call these
until-then vigilante "mystery men" in to form the Liberty Brigade, the
prototype of the modern superteam.

On the European front, heroes such as Lightnin' Hopkins, the Wave, Coral,
Dr. Incendiary, Spitfire, Blacksmith, John Bull, the Blue & the Gray,
Captain Canada and the New Soviet Men were active in combatting the third
reich.  On the other side, the genius Prospero fought against the allies,
eventually meeting defeat when Lightnin' Hopkins defeated his robot, X-1.

Another of the more renowned heroes of World War II was Dreadnought, who,
as Adrian McCullough revealed in his book, _The Hero That Never Was_, was also
the least well known.  While believed by the public to be a single hero, his
true identity masked by an enormous, armament-laden suit of armor, Dreadnought
was in truth a project that comprised more than thirty men, and that the
principal operator of the Dreadnought armor, whose name was not revealed, was
far from the hero the public had been led to believe.

World War II was a time when people needed heroes, though, and a wartime
America followed the advance of Dreadnought and the other heroes of the
European front avidly.  The battle raged in the Pacific as well, ending with
Lightning Hopkins raid on Tokyo, which convinced a war-ravaged Japanese
military to surrender, thus averting the dropping of the A-bomb.

In the fifties, the Korean War brought out Dreadnought again.  The war was
going badly for the U.S, and it was only a powerful last stand by Dreadnought,
a stand that cost it's operator his life, that prevented the U.S. armed forces
from being driven completely off the peninsula, which eventually allowed for
them to battle back and reclaim lost ground.  In the states, the Golden
Swashbuckler faced his archenemy, Mesmer the Magnificent, for the last time,
and realized that his time had passed.  New, anti-communist versions of Spy
Smasher and Torpedo emerged, but did not stay in the public eye for long.

From this point, little is known of heroic activities, save for Lightning
Hopkins' saving John F. Kennedy from an assassination attempt in the sixties.
Kennedy, shaken by the incident, did not run for re-election, and history
as it unfolded matched, mostly, the history that you know.

Until...the Modern Era.

(And now, our feature presentation: the Modern Era.)
(There is no Post-Modern Era -- that's just a marketing gimmick.)
(As I said, the Modern Era.)

Wonder Grunion is evolved by Neptune (actually, Master Presbyterian in
disguise) after abandoning the surface world forever.  Returning, he is
confronted by Massacre, and agents of the National Intelligence Bureau.
This attack, defeated by the Grunion, is the only recorded attack Project
Grunionbuster, commanded by Secret Secret Agent Richard Less and his
assistant Donald Sutherland, to have been launched against the Grunion.
Project Grunionbuster is a subfield of CRASH - the Committee for
Registration of American Super Heroes, run by J. Danforth Quayle.

FlatPhoot also gains his powers, albeit accidently, from Master Presby-
terian.  His crushed arches and his desire to rid the Superguy digest of
all superheroes he developed himself, having jumped from the Empire State
Building to see if he had any powers, and finding he did not, at least
not the immediately applicable power, flight.  Naturally, he soon got
government funding from CRASH.

ManMan, formerly James Blatzz, made the incarnation of mediocrity on
Earth by aliens from Planet Blah in Dimension Bland, is advised by
Commissioner Bigshot that Dr. Sleaze, the sleazy villain of RatherLarge
City, had kidnapped Juan Valdez, and was plotting to release Powerful,
Mind-Altering Chemicals (tm) in the coffee he was marketing.  ManMan
drove to Sleaze's secret lair in the CarMobile and, after outwitting
Greta, the Counter Girl, accidently breaks through to a soap opera.
Confused, he consults his spiritual guru, Fred.  Juan Valdez frees himself
and escapes back to Columbia with Andy the coffeeburro.  Fred helps ManMan
get his act together, and he attacks Dr. Sleaze, sending them both into
La-La Land, a most unmediocre dimension.

The members of Solutions? Ultd. (Qwyntor, Lt. Justice, Bazooka Joe, and
Susan), after building their HQ under the Junkpile in BiggCity, Florida,
are sent after Fred's Raiders by the government.  Despite an attempt on
their lives by FlatPhoot, they succeed in imprisoning the villainous
Raiders.

Trashman attacks a Mega-Intelligence Bureau lab, and defeats the mutated
Ratman. He then drives off in the Trashmobile with rent-a-cop Jan Taylor.
Over the next several months, he trains her to be his partner in crime
fighting (she takes the name of Force, referring to the Force Hammer that
is her principal weapon) and they fall in love.

The Armadillo, a gumshoe detective who also happens to be a mutated
armadillo, is contacted by Bunny Wabbyt, a human female trailed by
killers.  Despite a bombing attempt, the Armadillo takes the case, and
learns the villain is RoboCapone.  Despite MIB interference, the 'Dillo
and Bunny continued tracking RoboCapone.  The Bakkers are indicated as
being deceased.

Dangerousman (Lars McPherson), a government subsidized hero created by
Dr. Unethical and Dr. Kiloherzmann, blows up the small town of Mudclump
with his atomic blasts, thereby ridding it of all crime. Soon thereafter,
FlatPhoot makes an attempt on Lars' life, and Lars blows up the Mormon
Tabernacle in an attempt to get rid of him.  In succeeding episodes, Lars
blows up Morton Downey Jr. and Ned's Trashy Bar, and obtains the
Dangerousmobile, and it's ve-hick-ular computer, Lulu [note: the
Dangerousmobile will herein be referred to as 'Lulu'].

In ThatRatherLargeCityOverThereOpolis, a Punk chances to obtain a Gun
with unique properties (it fires destructive beams and doesn't need
reloading) from some Shriners from space.  In succeeding ventures, the
Punk with a Gun prevents another robber from robbing the store he is
about to rob, thus giving birth to the legend of the Gun Avenger.  Later,
the Punk assists Genericman in defeating Axe-Man, then takes the loot
Axe-Man was going to take.

Ignorant Man, after using the power of ignorance to defeat Scotch Guard,
is lured by FlatPhoot to the Trachtenberg Beer Breweries.  Skunk Nouveau
appears, and is promptly never heard from again.

Dangerousman teams up with Ramrod (Bill Dickson) in Hartford to defeat
the Phil Donahue-led Cthuluoid cultists in their attempts to raise the
Shoggoth.  He then heads to Washington DC, the residence of the King of
the Deep Ones, Father Dagon (aka Stephen Joel Trachtenberg).  Donahue
appears to die in the conflict, but is resurrected later.

The Punk with a Gun steals the Stealth Beetle, a military vehicle with
powerful weaponry that, by a fluke of army design, is virtually
indestructable and undetectable.  Dangerousman learns of the theft while
on his way to Washington DC, taking BIGCHIP's scenic route.  The Punk
heads to the FlatPhoot Phollies in Washington DC, intent upon robbing it.

Solutions? Ultd. heads to the FlatPhoot Phollies, while military forces
led by General Hoogland meet in the Butte, a military base, to plan
anti-hero strategy for CRASH.

Genericman defeats both Master Mollusk and Mike Polinski, the 50 foot tall
prehistoric hockey player, sending them both back to Alaska.  He then heads
to the FlatPhoot Phollies, while Intercontinental Salvage cleans up the mess.

Ignorant Man arrives at the Trachtenberg breweries and defeats Annette
Funicello through the power of ignorance.  Dangerousman leaves a note
through unique and disgusting means for Ignorant Man and heads for the
FlatPhoot Phollies.  At the Phollies, Lars meets the members of
Solutions? Inc, who are having fun, and sends Lulu back to the
Trachtenberg breweries to pick up Ignorant Man.  She does, and she and
Ignorant Man race back to the Phollies, annoying each other greatly in
the process.  FlatPhoot fails to spring his trap at the breweries,
instead getting really wasted.

Not so wasted, however, that he couldn't be sobered up by Secret Secret
Agent Richard Less, in time to slip Dangerousman a drugged pizza while
Lars waited for Lulu to return.  The Punk with a Gun observes this, and
is annoyed when FlatPhoot returns moments later to take the money from
the hotel that the Punk had been planning to steal.  On his way out, the
Punk knocks out Lars, unwittingly preventing him from destroying the
Phollies, and searches his pockets.  Ignorant Man and Lulu, arriving
seconds too late, assume the Punk is a hero.  The Punk sets out in the
Stealth Beetle after FlatPhoot, but doesn't get far before deciding to
take a nap.  Meanwhile, Dangerousman, Ignorant Man and Lulu lure
Dagon/Trachtenberg to M00sekill, New York before blowing him up.  Tom
Cruise gets stomped upon on the way.

FlatPhoot returns to the FlatPhoot Phollies again, and attempts to kill
all the superheroes there, but Solutions? Ultd. thwarts him.

Away from the Phollies, in Hartford, the Awesome Force (Andy Awesome,
the Fiddler, Ramrod, T, Miche, Bink, the Skids-Cookie Gestalt,
Figuremaster and high-jinx) battle the Glob, eventually dumping it in
a toxic field in New Jersey.  Soon thereafter, they battle Citrus Man,
whom Ramrod kills, but not before the Fiddler is turned into a giant
banana, which is eaten by Superguy.

Juan Valdez, while tracking his missing coffeeburro Andy, who was
abducted at the behest of Dr. Sleaze (who escaped from La-La land),
is kidnapped by the Greenslimy Aliens, invaders from the Kitsch
dimension.  They prove to be slow invaders, quickly overtaken by the
Creepy Aliens from Pluto, who are defeated by Max Vax.  Juan, meanwhile,
defeats the Greenslimies by filling his system with coffee molecules,
to which the Greenslimies are allergic.  After reading a congratulatory
note from Superguy, Juan finds the depressed vocalist for the Cure,
Robert Smith, in a cell on the now abandoned Greenslimy ship.

The computerized wasp constructs that the cyborg Beowulf had loaned to
Dr. Sleaze as a favor to abduct Andy invade a reactor in Peaceful Brook,
North Dakota as a lure for Jake Hawthorne, the Annihilator.

The FlatPhoot Phollies begin to wind down.  Solutions? Ultd. is forced
to leave early as the Junkyard, their HQ, is mysteriously teleported into
space.  On their way to retrieve it, the members of Solutions? gain a
new member, Silicon.  Dangerousman and Relativity Woman fall in love
and set out to purchase engagement rings.  They encounter the villainy
villainy of Surplus Man, and Lars blows up Washington DC to destroy him.

(to be continued...)
--
Gary W. Olson         swede@drycas.club.cc.cmu.edu         swede@drycas.bitnet