🚀 go-pugleaf

     When we last left our, um, heros, Yo-Yo was eating a pizza, H'siao was
dousing herself in the sink, John Q. Mage-In-Training was passed out, and
Enzio had been forgotten.  Enzio had actually wandered quietly out of the room
to find something much more suitable to eat, after realizing that there would
be no way to taste the pizza under so many spices.
     Now we rejoin them in...


                Two Guys and a Lemming #6 : Lemming and Moose
                                     and
                      Space Moose #21 : A Hero Falls
                             By: Yvonne Bennett
                                     and
                              Daniel Pawtowski


     Yo-Yo finished half of the pizza and closed the box.  "Anybody want some?
It's great!"
     H'siao gave him a look that could have drilled a hole through his chest,
wandered over to her pile of luggage and pulled out a small briefcase.
She unlocked the case *click*, and opened the latches *click* *click*, and
stepped back as the cloud of water vapor condensed for a couple of seconds,
cooled by the battery-powered refrigerator unit inside.  She pulled out what
looked like a carp.  She unplugged the cord coming from the carp's side and
flipped a switch.  The carp straightened out and started humming.
     Yo-Yo backed away from the lemming and her vibro carp.  "Like, what did I
say?"
     H'siao walked up and sliced the box into many itty-bitty pieces.  She
swished the fish around and stopped it with a flourish directly in front of
Yo-Yo's nose.  "Next time you go out for pizza, ask everyone else what they
want on it, ok?  Otherwise..."  She brought the carp down to her side,
carefully slicing Yo-Yo's cape off of his neck.
    Yo-Yo said, "Eep!  Ok, Ok, I'm sorry, H'siao.  I won't do it again unless
I'm only getting a pizza for myself.  My cape!"  He bent down to pick up his
cape and glared at H'siao.  "You know I can't sew!"
     H'siao flipped the switch again, causing the fish to go limp like, well,
a dead fish in her hand.  She plugged it back in, placed it in the case, and
closed and locked it.  "Yeah, I forgot.  Sorry.  I can't sew either..."
     They smiled at each other as they looked at the Mage-In-Training on the
floor.  "I bet he knows how to sew."

     Through all this, the mage was dreaming that he was in a video game.  He
was walking through a tunnel with someone plowing the way in front of him.  He
felt a nudge against his back, and was looking directly at a huge nose with
sunglasses and green hair on top.  He screamed.
     "AAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!"
     Enzio rushed into the room.  "What's wrong?  What happened?  What did you
do to your cape?"
     H'siao, who had jumped high enough to high-five (er, three) the ceiling,
landed lightly on Enzio's shoulders.  "Um, not much, Yo-Yo and I had a
disagreement, and we were just waking up John to see if he could sew well
enough to fix Yo-Yo's cape."
     John was now sitting up with his eyes wide open and looking about the
room.  He saw H'siao, gulped, and said, "Miss Li-Ming, I believe I have just
seen where you come from.  My condolences."
     H'siao glared at John.  "Look, my home wasn't the best, but I and my kind
are the only ones allowed to bad-mouth it, O.K.?  Anyway, can you sew?  We
need someone to fix Yo-Yo's cape."
     John shuddered and nodded.  From his pocket, he pulled a needle and
thread that just happened to have the correct color for the cape.
     As the Mage-In-Training set to work, the trio started deciding on what to
do next.  H'siao was adamant that they go to Canada now.  She wanted to know
"What in God's name is going on with Benedict Arnold!?"
     "Author's"
     "What?"

     John put down his work for a moment.  "You don't know what Altiverse you
are in, do you?"
     H'siao shook her head sadly.  "I've heard of altiverses and I know the
one we came from, but I don't know which one this is."
     "You are in the Superguy Altiverse.  The gods here are authors.  We are
characters in their stories."
     "Oh, is that who keeps butting in on our stories...?"
     [Gee, I'm not that bad, am I?]
     "Shut up."
     [Sorry.]
     "So that nut is our author, pretty much our god, right?"
     "Right.  In other words, when you mean to say 'Oh my God,' you should say
'Oh my Author.'"
     Enzio scratched his head.  "I'm confused.  If this is the Superguy
Altverse, then why does my ATM card work here?"
     John blinked.  "Obviously, your author decreed that this was similar
enough to your home altverse for that to work.  By the way, has your account
ever changed size after removing or adding money?"
     This time it was Enzio's turn to blink.  "Come to think of it, no."
     "You're lucky to have such a kind author.  Ah well, maybe you'll meet her
someday."
     "Her?"
     "That voice was female."
     "Oh."
     "Oh yeah, Hell(tm) is the proper way of speaking of Hell(tm)."
     "Huh?  oh, nevermind.  We'll find out later."

     John got back to work, and H'siao, Enzio, and Yo-Yo got back to arguing.
Well, H'siao and Enzio got back to arguing.  Yo-Yo stayed out of it.  This
wasn't a silly bit.  He sat down beside John and watched, trying to learn how
to sew for himself.  It would help if he ever got a rip in his cape.
     H'siao shouted, "I want to go to Canada _now!_  The Revolution is over,
and I expect Space Moose and that @#$% Dalek are heading back by now."
     Enzio spoke quietly, "Look, I just want you to see this one place before
we end up getting in over our heads. It's a beautiful spot, one that everyone
should see if the opportunity is there.  Besides, it's on the way."
     "It is?  Why didn't you say so earlier?"
     "I did, you weren't listening to me.  Now, what do you two say to
stopping at Niagra Falls before trying to find Benedict?"
     Yo-Yo was just fastening his cape around his neck and thanking John.
"What's that?  A waterfall?  Ummm.  Like, I guess so.... Yo!  Enzio!  You
think there will be any babes there?"
     Enzio sighed, "Yeah, probably.  It's a tourist trap."
     H'siao sat quietly.  "OK, looks like I've been outvoted.  To Niagra, and
then we'll search for the Dalek."
     John stood up and started getting ready to go.
     Yo-Yo spoke up.  "Yo!  You can come along if you want!"
     The mage looked up, still nervous around Yo-Yo.  "That's OK.  I need to
train more.  I want to be a real mage someday, and it will never happen if I
keep hanging out with regular characters.  I need to be off story, where it's
nice and quiet so I can learn.  Farewell."
     John wandered out the door and faded into the shadows.
     "I guess he's gone," guessed Yo-Yo.
     "Yup.  Lets get going.  The sooner we get to Niagra Falls, the sooner we
can start our search for that traitor dalek."
     Enzio and Yo-Yo sighed in unison, and looked at each other with the same
thought.  "In Author's name, how long are we going to have to put up with
this?"

     The trio boarded a plane bound for an airport on the Canadian side of the
f
lls.  Enzio was lucky enough to get a plane that was leaving that very day,
so H'siao would quiet down.  As they were getting on, they were asked what
their citizenship was.
     "I don't know, we're Supers, we just can't fly."
     "Uh-huh.  I've heard that before.  Prove it."
     They did.
     They were ushered quickly onto the plane after being told to put their
multi-dimensional toys away.

     The three put their baggage in a hotel, except H'siao kept her vibro-
carp.
     "Why?"
     "Why not?  I just got this feeling that I'll need it."
     Then they got a cab to the falls.
 a   They had no sooner stepped out of the car when the sound of an air horn
drown out the rush of nearby water.
     "Truckers," muttered Enzio, "think they own the road."  He didn't even
bother to look up at the sound of screeching tires.  The gunfire, on the other
hand, got his attention.
     "What the....?"
     Two heads and one very large nose swiveled up just in time to see a large
Hostess Snack Products semi come barrelling around the corner going much too
fast, being closely followed by five U.S. Army Jeeps that were clearly marked
as belonging to the Bob City Army Motorpool.  Each was packed to overflowing
with small, green-clad, gun-toting furry mammals.  Leaning out of the vehicles
every which way, they were hopping, frinking, and firing randomly into the
air, although most of their shots went in the general direction of the fleeing
semi.
     Enzio, standing on the streetwards side of the taxi, had barely enough
time to dive out of the path of the speeding truck.
     "Friends of yours, H'siao?" He gestured towards the smaller vehicles with
a thumb.
     The lemming scratched her head.  "I don't know, they certainly aren't
lemmings... waitaminute... 'Frink?!?'  Lemurs!  Wow!  How in the world do
people here get us mixed up?"
     As the jeeps closed, the distinct shouts of "FRINK!" and "PTANG" became
discernable.
     "LEMURS!!"  someone shouted.  "RUN!!!!"
     "Lemurs?!?!"  cried Yo-Yo and Enzio, both from H'siao's comment and the
shout from the man on the street.
     "FRINK!"
     "LEMURS!!"
     "PTANG?"
     "Like, GET 'EM!"  shouted Yo-Yo.
     "FRINK!"
    Snagging hold of a passing badmitton birdie, the yellow-clad fop was off,
swinging in pursuit of the fleeing convoy.  H'siao and Enzio looked at each
other, puzzled.
     "Why did he take off after the lemurs like that?"
     "He's a fop.  How should I know?!?  We'd better get after him before he
gets hurt!"
     The pair took off down the road- H'siao running quickly in a low,
hunched-over fashion that left her ready for combat, while Enzio stumbled
along, trying to run while pulling a pair of odd metallic boots onto his feet.
Behind them, the cab driver leaned out the window.
     "HEY!  YOU HAVEN'T PAID YET!!  THE METER'S STILL RUNNING!!"

    After a quick thousand-yard dash, H'siao caught up with Yo-Yo, who had
stopped atop a hill overlooking Niagra Falls.
    "Yo-Yo!  What do you think you're doing, chasing after that....hey,
where'd the truck go?"
    "It, like, tried to take the turn too fast and fell into the water.  The
driver got out okay, but the truck sank.  I think the lemurs are majorly
dissapointed."
     He gestured with a yellow-gloved hand to where the lemurs had come to a
stop on the road below, staring into the river with wide, sad eyes.  The dim
outline of the Hostess logo was just visible through the churning waters,
prompting several of the lemurs to ptang back a tear at the thought of all
those Twinkies going to waste.
     Then, one of them looked up sharply, staring at the massive, thundering
wall of the Falls, and FRINKed suddenly.  The others turned to ptang their
curiosity, prompting the first to lean over and frink excitedly for a few
moments.  Up on the hill, Yo-Yo readied his namesake to drop down on the
plotting mammals.
     "I, like, don't know what they're up to, but it can't be cool."
     Throwing forth his weapon, Yo-Yo snagged a firm grip on a surprised
seagull and swung down upon the unsuspecting lemurs...only to find that the
animals had abandoned their stolen vehicles and were busy scurrying up the
hillside next to the Horseshoe Falls.
      "Hey!  Where'd they go?"
      H'isao followed closely behind, using her ShadowLemming Ninja Climbing
Skills(tm) to quickly make her way down the steep slope.  Enzio just sat down
where he was, still struggling with his boots.
      "Darn things never did fit right...."
      Meanwhile, H'siao had hopped up into one of the open windows of the
Jeeps and stared inside, whistling softly.
      "Wow.  Hey Yo-Yo, come take a look at this."
      "But they're, like, already at the top of the Falls...."
      "Nevermind where they're going.  Look at what they left behind."
      "What's so.....oh, wow."
      The rear of the heavy-duty vehicle was almost completely filled by a
jagged, damaged point-defense laser turret that was clearly of Dalek design.
A massive shaft of Awesometonium was still speared partway through it.
      "Where did they, like, get this stuff?"
      "From the Industrial Revolution battle, silly."  H'isao bapped the fop's
head.  "This must be why they were running all over the place, they were
snatching parts that fell off Benedict's ship.  I wonder why they were
carrying this stuff all the way from Bob City to Niagra Falls?"
      "Oh, that's like, easy."
      "It is?"
      "Sure.  They musta been headed off to wherever it is they were going
when they, like, saw that big truck with the picture of that boxa Twinkies on
the side.  Lemurs like, can't resist Twinkies.  So they, like, musta forgot
about where they were supposed to be goin' and took off after the truck, and
the driver, like, tried to get away until he, like, rolled over and fell in
the river."
      H'isao cocked one eye.  "How do you know so much about lemurs?"
      Yo-Yo grinned proudly.  "Well, I like...."
      "LOOK OUT BELOW!!"  a powerful, Italian voice bellowed from high above.
H'siao and Yo-Yo managed to look up just in time to see Enzio launch himself
from atop the hill with a set of rather familar-looking jump-jet boots.
      "Look out, Enzio's got his Mario(tm) Boots on!"
      Both lemming and fop dove under the Jeep for cover as the heavy-set
plumber leapt down the hillside in two long jumps, smashing down hard enough
to leave footprints in the concrete roadway.   He looked down at the footgear
and cursed.
     "Damn.  Still set for Arcturus IV gravity, gotta re-set that."
     Pulling a wrench from his toolbelt, Enzio set to work on the boots while
H'siao crawled back out into the open.
     "Enzio, those things *never* work right!"
     Shrugging off the lemming's remark, the plumber cocked an ear, as if
listening to a distant sound.
     "Wait...somebody's messing with pipes nearby."
     "Pipes?  Um, like, so what?"
     "You don't understand.  I mean *PIPES*.  Somebody's doin' a big plumbing
job up there somewhere."
     He gestured towards the thundering Horseshoe Falls, prompting H'isao
to roll her eyes in exasperation.
     "Enzio, that's a _waterfall_, not a leak!"
     "I ain't talking about the waterfall....yep, there it is."
     "Enzio, you're cra......huh....?"
     Like someone turning off a faucet, the rush of water over the great
Niagra Falls dwindled and stopped.  The beefy Italian snorted his contempt.
     "Definately a non-union job."

...concluded in part two, immediately following...