🚀 go-pugleaf

...continued from part 1...

     H'siao just stared, speechless.  Yo-Yo looked over the railing at the
side of the overturned Hostess truck, which sat dripping on the suddenly dry
riverbed.
     "Cool.  They, like, stopped up the river so they could get the Twinkies."
     "But how....."  THe lemming scratched her green-haired head.
     "By breaking every reg in the books, that's how."  grumbled Enzio,
pulling out his cellular phone.  "Me and The Boys are gonna go straighten 'em
out."  He punched a few buttons.
     "The who?"  queried Li-Ming.
     "No, no, they're like, a rock band."
     "That's not what I meant, you cape-wearing fool!"
     "Like, watch where you point that thing, it's like, pointy!"
     While Yo-Yo dodged a few swipes of H'isao's vibro-carp, Enzio hung up his
phone and looked down the road expectantly.  Within moment, a white pickup
truck marked "Al's Plumbing" pulled up, it's driver leaning out the window.
     "Hey, Enzio.  Long time, no see."
     "Hi Al.  We gotta job ta do."  Enzio waved towards the dripping Falls.
     Al whistled.  "Oooooh boy.  Looks like a big one.  Non-union?"
     "Yep.  Lemurs."
     Al cracked his knuckles, grinning.
     "This'll be a pleasure.  Hop in."
     Enzio sauntered around to the passenger door and climbed in, buckling up
just as Al drove away from the curb and joined in with the small fleet of
utility vehicles that had suddenly appeared on the road, each marked with the
name of a different plumbing company.  All proudly bore Union stickers on
their windshields.  Enzio waved a work-gloved hand out his window, gesturing
towards the top of the Falls.   The convoy lit up with flashing hazard lights
and rotating work beacons, then pulled off the road and bounced over the
grass, heading upriver, leaving deep ruts in the finely mowed hotel lawns
behind them.
     "Like, where are they going?"
     "Unions.   I never could.....hey, what's that?"
     "What's what?"
     "Over there!"
     Completely failing to notice which way H'siao was pointing, Yo-Yo stared
into the muddy riverbed.  Exasperated, H'siao leapt up and physically yanked
his head around.
     "Not down there.  Look *there*, up in the sky!"
     Squinting towards the tennis courts and such behind the nearest hotel,
Yo-Yo again failed to see what she was pointing at.
     "It looks like, another badmitton birdie.  So what?"
     "No, no, NO!  Overhead!  Flying!  It's as plain as...."
     "A plane?"
     "No, it's not a plane!  It's....it's.....IT'S SPACE MOOSE!!!!!!"
     "Space Moose?  Like, take cover!"
     The fop took off, swinging towards a parking garage while H'isao leapt
up, waving and shouting at the Antlers of Steel.
     "Space Moose!  Down here!  It's me!  H'isao Li-Ming!!"

  High overhead:
     "BY THE GREAT NORTHERN LIGHTS, MY MOOSE SENSE IS TINGLING!!!"  Space
Moose surveyed the scene below, his keen MooseVision completely failing to
notice the small green-haired figure hopping up and down below.  The dry
riverbed, on the other hoof, did get his attention.
     "Something is not right.....I do not know what danger has drawn me here,
but I am honor-bound to investigate!"
     Decelerating, the Arctic Avenger descended and landed at the edge of the
cliff that had once been the Horseshoe Falls, his antlered head looking about
in puzzlement.
     "Strange...where is this....never have I seen this cliff before...."
     He flipped open his wrist MooseComm, so preoccupied that he did not
notice a small, furry shape scuttling along lightly over the mud behind him.
     "Space Moose to MooseLodge, Space Moose to MooseLodge.  Benedict, do you
read me?"
     Having anticipated the question, Benedict spoke up immediately with the
information that he knew the Moosely Moron needed- his location.
     "Niagra Falls,"  spoke the grainy, mechanical voice of the Dalek.
     "What?"  startled, Space Moose looked down at the sea of mud that lay
below him.
     "I repeat. Niag-"
     "FRINK!!"  the cry of the overexcited lemur cut Benedict off as the small
creature sprang from the ground towards Space Moose's wrist.
     "A LEMUR???  BY THE GLACIERS OF THE NORTHERN TERRITORIES!!!"
     "LEMUR!!!  SPACE MOOSE, EXTERMINATE!!!!"
     "PTANG!"  The lemur clawed at the moose-shaped communications device on
the Heroic Herbivore's wrist.
     "GET OFF, FOUL CREATURE!!"  Flexing his mighty mooscles, Space Moose
thrashed his enormous forearm back and forth, flinging the gleeful lemur high
into the air.  Frinking happily, the small creature quickly deployed a small
hang glider from a pack on its back and zoomed off, still clutching something
in its paws.
     "What....hey, MY MOOSECOMM!!!"
     "FRINK!"
     "GIVE THAT BACK, VILLIAN!!"
     "WHOOOOO!!!!"
     "EXTERMINATE!!!!!!!!!" Benedict's shout from the Moosecomm's tiny speaker
faded rapidly as the lemur glided off into the distance.  On the edge of soggy
cliff-face, The Antlers of Steel prepared to hurtle himself skywards in
pursuit of the furry kleptomaniac, when a thought suddenly materialized in his
Moosely Mind.
     "Wait....what was it Benedict said...he was trying to tell me
something...something about Niagra......Falls......Niagra......Falls......
Niagra......_Falls_??   MY AUTHOR, NIAGRA *FALLS*!!"
     Ignoring the fleeing lemur, he surveyed the muddy dry lakebottom below
him.  It did bear some resemblance to a recently-collapsed......hole.
     The Heroic Herbivore recoilled in horror.
     "GREAT NORTHERN LIGHTS!!!  THE CITY OF NIAGRA HAS FALLEN AND LIES BURIED
UNDER THAT MUD!!!  THE PEOPLE WILL SUFFOCATE IN MUNUTES!!!  Only
Intercontinental Salvage could free them in time, and they are not here to do
the job!  So, in their place......THIS LOOKS LIKE A JOB FOR
SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
     In a flash of hypersonic hooves, the Antlers of Steel dove into the muck
and started digging, sending a fountain of dirt halfway to the stratosphere.

     A few hundred yards away, over on the "shore", H'siao once again found
herself staring open-mouthed.
     "Like, H'siao, what's he doing?"
     "I have no idea, Yo-Yo.  I never did.  Come on, let's get over there."
     Grimacing slightly, H'isao leapt over the guardrail with a soft *splut*
and took off towards the geyser of grit.  Yo-Yo unspooled his trademark, but
paused.
     "Um, do I have to?  I just, like, had my costume cleaned and all."
     "Then wait there if you want to!  I'm gonna go have a word with Space
Moose!"
     "Okay, that's fine with......"
     The distant sound of a gigantic faucet being turned on caught his
attention, followed by a massive rumbling.  The fop prodded his own stomach.
     "Wow.  I must be, like, really hungry."
     Then he heard the rush of water.  A LOT of water.
     "Ahh, H'siao, maybe you, like, shouldn't go down there......"
     The rumble of water got louder.  Much louder.  The lemming looked up at
the towering, dripping cliff, suddenly feeling much smaller than usual.
     "Why me?"
     Halfway between the shoreline and Space Moose's dig site, there was no
way the fleet-footed lemming could make it to either side before the wall of
water came crashing down Niagra Falls.  The foaming, spraying mass had already
appeared atop the Horseshoe, and was pouring over the edge.
     "I wonder if I could use the vibro-carp as a surfboard.....HEY!!!"
     Feeling a familiar tug on her ankle, H'isao glanced down to confirm that
she had indeed been snagged by a yo-yo.
     "Like, hang on, lemmingdudette!"
     "I needed to be saved, but why, Author, why like this?"
     Bracing his foot against the guardrail, Yo-Yo madge sure he had a good
snag on H'siao's ankle and snapped his wrist up, yanking the lemming up off
the riverbottom and up over his head.
     "AIIIIEEEEEEEE!"
     Releasing tension on his line, Yo-Yo uncoiled the yo-yo from H'siao's
foot.  With the smooth movements from lots of (undesired) practice, the
shadowlemming spun herself down into a soft rolling landing and sprang up in a
combat stance.  Grinning from ear-to-ear, the fop rewound his weapon.
     "Like, I know you hate it when I do that, but I haveta say that was a
most awesome landing."
     She didn't look all that happy.
     "What were you thinking?  Space Moose could have saved me! It would have
been less embarrassing and I would be that much closer to finding Benedict.
AAARRGGHH!"
     Yo-Yo looked down at his feet.  He hated this.  He saved her life, and
she knew it, but she always shouted at him.  He carefully hung his yo-yo off
the quick-draw clip on his belt.
     H'siao, noticing, was slightly shocked.  She never knew it hit him this
hard.  "Look Yo-Yo.  Thank you for saving me.  I just wish you could _think_
before you act sometimes!"
     Yo-Yo looked at H'siao.  She really _was_ sorry.  He instantly felt
bntter and grinned.  "That's alright, H'siao!"  And he slapped her on the back
to show that there were no hard feelings.
     Unfortunately, she hadn't turned around.
     [Do your math... where do _you_ think he just slapped her?  It ain't the
face!]

     A short distance away, a proud set of antlers, somewhat mud-caked but
still gleaming, appeared at the lip of the deep hole Space Moose had been
digging.
     "This is strange.  I have dug down nearly five miles, and there is no
sign of the fallen city?  Perhaps Benedict meant something else when he said
'Niagra Falls'."
     He scratched his head in puzzlement, then heard something behind him.
Turning, he saw a seething, foaming wall of water rushing towards him.
     "Oh.  Oops."
     The full force of Niagra Falls smashed into befuddled bovinoid, washing
both him and the shattered remains of the unfortunate Hostess Delivery truck
downriver.  When the wave had passed, there was no sign of the Canadian
Crusader.  The banks were covered in soggy but perfectly preserved Twinkies
for miles downstream.
     Yo-Yo thought he caught a distant gleam of antlers rising skywards far to
the south, but it was too far away to be sure.  As for H'isao, the lemming had
other things on her mind.  Following the deep tire ruts left by Enzio's
hastily assembled plumbing fleet, she took off after the Itailian.
     She found him about half a mile back fromt he top of the Falls, sitting
on the rear bumper of Al's truck, eating a boxed lunch and swilling a beer.
Several hundred other plumbers were parked all about him randomly and were
similarly eating lunch, putting their tools away, or discussing women in rude
terminology.
     "Oh, hi H'siao.  Where have you been-  *URLK*!"
     He gasped momentarily in the lemming's choke-hold.
     "Enzio.  Listen to me very carefully.  The next time you turn on a
stopped-up waterfall, MAKE SURE THERE'S NOBODY STANDING UNDER IT, OKAY?!?!"
     "*URGLE!*  Okay, okay, gotcha!  Sorry about that."
     H'siao released her grip, then glanced about.
     "Say, where'd all the lemurs go?"
     "Beats me.  They were gone when we got here, and we had a big job to do."
     "So how did they stop the Falls, anyway?"
     A dozen plumbers in earshot snorted in contempt.  "Cheap parts, that's
how."
     "I don't....."
     "We fixed it all up.  Solid brass fittings, real solder, all up to code,
nice and neat.  She'll hold for fifty years."
     "Hold....?  Oh no, you didn't......"
     Too short to see over the assembled crowd of Unionized workers on break,
H'siao leapt up atop one of the service trucks to get a better view.
     "You did."
     A mile upstream, the massive Niagra River spun, vanishing into a massive
concrete and cast-iron catch-basin.  Nearby, a short distance from the top of
the Falls, a gigantic garden hose faucet sprang up from the dirt.  The
hundred-foot handvalve was cranked all the way on, pouring forth the full
force of the river.  H'isao didn't want to think about how they had even
managed to turn it on, let alone install it.  Or how to screw on the coil of
fifty-foot diameter, thirty-mile long length of rubber garden hose that was
sutting nearby.  And as for the tall, building-sized aluminum lawn
sprinkler....
     "How......why.....who....."
     "Don't start a job unless you're gonna do it right.  A lesson those
lemurs should learn."
     "But....how did you..."
     "Take good care of your tools, and they'll take good care of you."
     "Where did you...."
     "A good plumbing supply house can find anything."
     "Who is going to...."
     Enzio unfolded his ticket book to reveal a signed bill, in triplicate.
     "The Canadian Tourist Department.  Any more questions?"
     The lemming shook her nose weakly.
     "Good."

     A short distance away....
     "Hey you!"
     "Frink?"
     "Yeah you, the lemur!  You seen a little green-haired girl or a fop in a
yellow cape around here?  There was a big Italian with them, too."
     "Ptang."
     "Ok.  Lemme know if you do.  Darn kid and her uncle or something took off
without paying their cab fare."
     "FRINK!"
     The taxi driver closed his door and drove on, grumbling.
     "Shoulda known they'd be trouble, darn superheros always are.  Took that
darn trio all the way up here with nothing to show for it but....."
     He trailed off at the sight of a psychadelic VW Minibus parked in one of
the hotel lots.  Grinning, he reached into the glove box for a black mask and
drew a sword from under the dash.
     "On the other hand, this is a good spot for a vacation," noted Ninja Taxi
Cab Driver with a thin, cruel smile.


     Behind the taxi, the lemur scurried on, frinking happily at the small
watch-shaped device in his paws, dragging the antler-styled watchband through
the dirt.
     "WHOOOO!!!!"
     "Attention, lemur."  Benedict's voice called from the stolen MooseComm,
"Return this device at once, and I shall reward you."
     "Frink?"
     "Your extermination shall be less painful than that of your allies."
     "PTANG!"
     "Then I shall take extreme measures!  I shall take extreme measures!"
     "Frink?"
     The MooseComm beeped twice, then exploded violently in the lemur's hands.
     "Fr*cough*ink."
     Covered in soot, the lemur dusted off its singed fur, hurled the charred
remains of the MooseComm aside, made a face at it, then scampered off into
some nearby bushes.

NOW WHERE DID SPACEMOOSE GO????
WeLL H'SIAO TRY TO FOLLOW HIM????
WHAT TYPE OF WEAPON IS A VIBRO-CARP, ANYWAY????
HOW DOES YO-YO KNOW SO MUCH ABOUT LEMURS????
WILL THERE BE ANOTHER CROSS-OVER HERE????
not for a while I hope
WHAT DO THE LEMURS WANT WITH A MOOSE COMM????
NIAGRA FALLS????
IS SPACE MOOSE REALLY THAT DIM????
WHY DID I EVEN ASK THAT LAST QUESTION????

The answers to these questions will be sent in with my union dues, folded,
stapled, spindled and mutilated to....

                           SUPERGUY!!!!!!!!!!!!