🚀 go-pugleaf

     Creating Caddman
     Part 5:  "Just me and my shadow animals"
     by Jeff Pruitt


     Dan was enjoying himself.  Within the last two hours, he had begun
floating to the surface of the water in the pit.
     He had never been one for figuring things out, usually even when the
explanations were laid slowly out before him.  This time was different. This
was the first real thinking he had done on his own in a very long time.
     His thoughts told him that the packing peanuts had allowed him to float.
Considering it further, Dan decided that that, coupled with the fact that he
had had nothing else to eat for nearly two days; that he had drunken only
some of this putrid water; and that he had placed a plastic bag over his head
for an extended period of time, now allowed him to float.
     In fact, the sudden change in Dan's swimming abilities (and other as yet
undiscovered talents) was due to two occurences, in addition to those that
Dan was able to decipher on his own.  The first was that three days previous,
a fisherman had dropped his flashlight into the waters, just upstream from
the waterfall.  Since that time, a minute electrical charge was passing
through the water.  The second influence was that far upstream, at the source
of this waterflow, where the water sprang up from the ground at an artesian
well, there grew a small patch of naturally occuring Neo-Spam.  The essences
of this substance were being constantly washed downstream, to the lake, then
out through the canal systems to the Hudson River, and eventually to the
ocean.  And, much like those dishsoaps that soothe the skin, Dan was
soaking in it.
     Dan tried to deduce why it was that his thoughts seemed so clear, as
compared to before this incident.  The only thing he could come up with was
that he was more like Destiny now.  When he tried to think more on this, his
head began to sink, allowing water to flood into his ears.
     The water continued to fall into the pit, slowly filling it, and raising
Dan Salzman (or, more appropriately, the man that had once been Dan Salzman)
ever closer to the brim.
     Dan, still in darkness, hadn't yet seen the rim, knew (again his power
of deduction stronger than before) that he had been put into this pit,
therefore there had to be a way out.  In the meantime, he enjoyed the
sensation of floating; thinking profound thoughts such as why the sky is blue
(because if it were green, we wouldn't know where to stop mowing); and not so
profound thoughts such as "Why is it that colleges never have people
enrolling in the double major of mime-auctioneer?"
     He tried to decide how it was that he was similar to Destiny.  After an
hour of comtemplation, and the suffering of three earsful of water, Dan could
come up with just one small phrase:  "That's just *Super*, *guy*!"
     It didn't make any sense to him, and so he waited.  The darkness was
lessening.  It now wasn't completely dark.  It was mostly dark.  Soon it was
sort-of-dark, nearly-not-dark, and then only-fleetingly-dark.
     Then there was a light.  It was just above him, and down a long hall --
but it was there.
     Dan had to see it more clearly.  He twisted himself around, trying to
stand up on the water.  He began to sink.
     "Okay." he said.  "Let's try this:"  He sat down in the water "Indian-
style".  His legs were below the level of the water, but he was sitting on
the water's surface.  His improved mind understood instantly that the packing
peanuts in his stomach that were allowing him to float, did so as long as his
stomach remained at the level of the water.  If he were upside-down, from his
stomach to his feet would be out of the water.
     As the water rose, Dan pulled himself from the pit, to stand on the
carved-out stone floor.
     He stretched his legs and arms, then knocked the side of his head with
his palm, slapping the remaining water from his ears.
     The light that he had seen was not so far as he had thought.  It was
maybe fifty feet away, through a tunnel carved from the rock.  He walked
that way, glad to be out of the water, yet feeling the strangeness as his
thoughts whirled around, explaining all that he took in.  It was very unlike
his previous self.
     Beyond the rock-hewn passage lay a small amphitheatre.  Dan stood within
the last of a dozen rows of benches, all carved from the stone.  Twenty feet
below and ahead of him, on the central circular stage was a ball of blue
light, spinning and swirling.
     Dan shielded his eyes -- he'd heard about the dangers of blue light.  He
had even bought a pair of those blue-blocker sunglasses.  Between his fingers
he gazed at it, watching as it twisted and turned on the stage, as it began
to grow tall, then shrink just a little.  With each new contortion the light
changed to bathe the surrounding theatre in multiple brilliances and shadows.
     After what seemed to Dan like an hour (because that is precisely how
long it was) the light began to fade.  In the near darkness that filled the
theatre, a man stood at center stage, where the blue light had been.  He had
seen Dan in the last row -- The Chosen One.
     He held up his right hand, flipped a small rocker switch with his thumb.
     Dan was once again blinded by bright blue light.  It was different this
time, though.  Definable shadows penetrated the glow, flying back and forth
within the great heat that was surely being produced from an unseen magic.
"Magic", Dan said.
     As suddenly as the light had come, it was gone once more.
     "Magic, my ass!"  A small voice call from the stage.  "It's a flash-
light!  I was making shadow animals!"  Very briefly, the room went dark and
a donkey flashed across the walls.
     Then the light was gone.
     "Who *are* you?"  Dan was struck with awe.  He could feel the great
presence in the darkness below him.  This was a highly advanced being, quite
possibly sent here to learn from him all that could be learned...or maybe he
was just a lost TV magician.
     "I am He Who Must Be Seen Only In A Blue Light.  I am He Who Guides The
Unguided.  I am He Who Lights The Way For The Lightheaded.  I am He Who Still
Listens To Michael Bolton, Rick Astley, and Tiffany.  I am Master Of Shadow
Animals.  I am *The Tracker*!  I am here to assist 'new recruits' in need."
     Dan listened as the being spoke slowly all this, then said: "That's
quite a bit to put on a business card, don't you think?"
     Tracker ignored him.  "You can call me...*Phil*."  The light flashed
into existence around him once more, seemingly at the sound of his name.
     An aardvark shadow crept along the wall opposite Dan.  Then followed a
blue-nosed baboon, a three-toed sloth, and a gazelle.  (No, not as in the
well known phrase "Giselle, you dizzy blonde, you dropped your pole!")  An emu
was just crossing the wall when Dan interrupted the procession.  "Ummm...
Tracker?  Uhh...Why are you here?  Surely not just to impress me with your
clever shadow-work."
     The light vanished after the emu, three koalas, and an iguana that looked
amazingly like Buddha had passed.  "As a matter of fact," Phil said, turning
around in the darkness to face Dan, though in the darkness, neither could see
the other.  "I *am* here to impress you with my shadows!"  With that, the
light returned, and with it the silhouette of a great phoenix, its wingspan
obliterating the light from most of the room.  It flew in a circle, bathing
Dan in its shadow and then the light of its passing.  Then its shadow. Then
light.  shadow.  Light, shadow, light!
     Then all was dark once more.
     "Oh, yeah..."  Phil was standing within a thin film of blue light.  "I
brought you a message from Smartman:  "Dan, you're a Superguy!"
     "A WHAT!!??"  Of all the things Dan had thought about becoming during
his lifetime, this was *not* one of them.
     "If you ever have need of me, Dan, turn off the lights and just call
my name."  In a puff of blue smoke, and the smell of unwashed Terriers,
Phil was gone.
     Dan stood alone in the small amphitheatre.


WILL DESTINY BE ABLE TO HARRASS DAN ANY MORE?
WILL DAN LEARN TO MAKE SHADOW ANIMALS?
WHO IS THE TRACKER, REALLY?
WHAT DOES HE TRACK?
DOES A SQUIRREL'S TAIL REALLY GIVE INFORMATION TO OTHER RODENTS?

Always chew your Superguy thirty-two times, you'll Digest it better.