🚀 go-pugleaf

    Errand Boy stepped up to the front door of Stately Ward Manor.
It was as impressive as it had been the first time he'd come
here. The thought that he could buy a place like this briefly
entered his mind, but what would he do with a place this size? He
was having enough trouble with his new place as it was.
    He reached out and rang the bell. The door opened, and Jenny
stood behind it. "Hey, E.B.! Long time no see! You went off on
that errand, and then you never came back. We were getting
worried about you!"
    "It's...a long story, Jenny. One you'll probably be able to
hear pretty soon. Are Tim and Samantha here?"
    "Yep! Pop's here, too!" Jenny giggled, doing interesting
things to her holographic form. "There's a lot of people here
now!"
    "What? The Teen Team got back together?"
    "Well, kinda. The gang's back together, plus some new faces,
and we're the 'Mazin' Mob now! Well, technically, it's Mason's
'Mazin' Mob, but we don't tell most people that, 'cause Pop
doesn't really want top billing." She giggled again. Seemed to
E.B. that she was always giggling, but he never got tired of
hearing it. Not that he'd ever tell her that, of course.
    He was physically attracted to her, obviously, and she was
very nice, but... he just wasn't interested, really. Even if she
were a real person, and not just a Computer Intelligence, he
didn't think he'd be interested. He didn't know why, but it was
the same with most women. He'd meet a girl, get to know her, and
discover that he had absolutely no interest whatsoever in
developing a relationship with them, beyond being friends. And
even at that, he didn't really make friends easily.
    "Well, come on in! I'll go tell Tim and Samantha you're here."
    E.B. stepped inside, and Jenny closed the door behind him,
moving as though she were actually closing the door with her
hands, rather than through the servos that ran all the doors at
SWM.
    "Okay, be right back! Why don't you go have a seat in the
main living room?" With that, she disappeared, which kind of
puzzled him. He knew she was perfectly capable of running several
simultaneous processes; why'd she leave him alone?
    Lost in thought as he was, he failed to notice a rushing
noise coming toward him from the hallway he was about to step
into.

                  Mason Kramer Proudly Presents:
                       Mason's Mazin' Mob!
                               in
                Speed Trials, Part Three of Three
                               or
          Character Development, Or Something Like It,
                               by
                       *THE* Mason Kramer
                        masonk@tenet.edu
                             Stirge
                        stirge@eyrie.org
                             Frobozz
                      cangelin@uoguelph.ca
                          kibitzing by
                        Eric, Lord Sabre
                        sabre@awenet.com
                        Comments welcome

Continuity Note:

    Well... Hum.  It has been quite a while since the last
episode, hasn't it? And yet, it takes place the next day.  Funny
ol' world, innit?


    Alice was not, to put it mildly, a morning person.  Generally
speaking, when she woke up in the morning, she was not at her
best.  Add to this the fact that she'd spent the last six weeks
sleeping in jail, and her reluctance to wake up at the insistence
of her alarm clock was understandable.  After all, the trial had
been yesterday, and they'd been ready to send her to prison and
throw away the key, so why....
    But they hadn't, she remembered, waking up a bit more.  She'd
gotten that wonky probation, and, after being processed out, been
released into the 'Mazin' Mob's custody.  Shortly after that,
they'd done a clean-up detail from the intensive search that
Mighty Guy and Mighty Dog had done, scouring the city looking for
the "missing Mobsters," as they put it.  She didn't really
understand what Mighty Guy was talking about.
    Idly, she rubbed her left hand with her right.  He'd been
very gentle when he took and kissed her hand, and the doctor said
that nothing was broken, and the bruises should heal normally.
In fact, it already felt much better than it had last night, and
she opened her eyes to look at it.
    "Weird..." she mumbled, looking at her hand.  It looked
normal.  Last night, it'd looked like a black and blue mass.
Today it looked like...her hand.
    "Okay...this makes a weird amount of sense.  I need to talk
to someone about this, I guess...."
    "Talk to someone about what?"
    "Mornin', Buddy.  My hand.  Healed overnight.  Something else
to add to that battery of tests Phobos wants to run this week.
I'm *so* looking forward to that..."
    The otheraltiversal cricket chuckled.  "At least you have
plans that don't, uh, include finding out the pecking order at the
prison yard."
    "No, my plans include going to the ALU Academy and officially
meeting Healer.  Now, *there's* someone I've gotten off on the
wrong foot with.  She saves me the headache of getting a
headache, and I yell at her for doing it."  She shrugged, and
decided to officially get up.  "Still, she *could* have just
yelled, and stayed out of my head."
    "Mmm," Buddy mmmed.  "What do you, uh, have against telepathic
conversation, anyway?  It's efficient, and at the, uh, lightest level
is purely conversational..."
    "I just don't like people crawling around in my head, okay?
Call it a personal quirk and be done with it."  Alice kept her
tone conversational, but her expression made it clear that she
didn't want to discuss it further.  "So, what's on your agenda
for the day?"
    "Avoiding bug bombs, keeping from getting, uh, stepped on,
staying far away from Phobos and his tests... Uh, you know.
Avoiding detection until, uh, I can be sure that it's safe here."
    Alice grinned a little as she picked out her clothes for the
day. "Well," she said, pulling the pants on, "you," she
continued, trying on two tops before settling on a third, "at
least," she said, finding her shoes and socks and putting them on
in reverse order, "don't have to worry much.  These are, in
theory, the good guys." She spent a few seconds putting on her
makeup.  "How do I look?"
    "Like a human."
    "Ah, good.  And before my first cup of coffee, even.  Which I
think I'm going to go get.  You coming, or shall I bring you
breakfast in bed?"
    Buddy laughed.  "I still have some salad left from last
night.  Uh, go get your coffee, and just bring me some lunch
later.  I'm going to stay in, uh, here for the day, I think.  Get
used to here before I, uh, spread out."
    "Righto.  See you in a few."  Alice zipped out of the room,
then slowed down as she realized how painful it would be to round
a corner at 200 miles an hour and run into someone.
   Consequently, she was only going at a fast walk when she rounded
the corner and walked nosefirst into someone's chest.
    Errand Boy quickly stood up from where he'd been knocked when
the girl had run into him.  She hadn't really been running all
that fast; if he'd been expecting her, he doubted he'd have been
knocked down.  It was probably a good thing he had been,
though...She'd hit him face first, mashing her nose right into
his chest.  If he'd been braced for impact, she'd probably have
broken her nose.
    He walked over to where she was sitting, clutching at her
nose.  "Excuse me, are you..." He trailed off as she looked up at
him, releasing her nose. She's...gorgeous, he thought.  A pair of
beautiful hazel eyes, framed by long, delicate lashes looked back
up at him.  The eyes were set in a delicate face, with perfect
alabaster skin, a pert nose with just the hint of an upward tilt
at the end, full red lips that, to E.B., looked eminently
kissable, and a pointed chin.  The face, combined with the light
brown hair, cut short, gave her an ethereal, almost unearthly
beauty.
    "Why don't you watch..." she trailed off.  Whoa went through
her mind.  She looked up into his deep green eyes, almost losing
herself there. And she had to look up.  Even if she'd been
standing, the top of her head would hit about chin level on him.
Tall and well muscled, but not overly so.  Handsome, but not in a
chiseled sort of way.  And again, there were those eyes.
    "Are...Are you...um...Are you...free this weekend?" he asked.
Did I just say what I think I just said? he asked himself.
"There's, um, a, um, concert tomorrow, in Seattle... I, uh, would
you like to go?"  This is amazing, he decided.  My mouth is on
automatic, and it's saying all the right things.
    "Uhm...this is ridiculous."
    Errand Boy blinked.  "Uh, bwah?"
    Alice grinned a little.  "Check this.  We're having a
completely cliche-ridden introduction here.  I run into you, fall
down, you start to help me up, sappy music starts playing--"
    "Sorry about that!" Jenny called over a speaker.  The music
stopped.
    "--And the first thing you say is to ask me out.  This really
bites, and the only reason I'm saying yes is because I think
you're cute.  Now give me a hand up."


    Kate leaned against the box and looked in the top.  She was
in the middle of a slow drag on her cigarette, and held the smoke
in for a moment before releasing it, slowly.  A fly buzzed
through the smoke and immediately died of asphyxiation, but
received enough of a contact high that it did, indeed, die happy.
    "Whatcha doin' down there?"
    The young woman in the box bumped her head before pulling out
from under a control system.  She giggled a bit and said, "You
caught me.  Just checkin' out this transport.  The guy that
designed this thing is *good*, Kate.  And it ain't our guest,
either, despite what he said.  You gonna hog that thing to
yourself?"
    Silently, Kate passed the cigarette down.  The young woman
took a hit and handed it back up.  Kate waited until she'd
released the smoke before saying, "Why d'you say that?"
    "He doesn't--whoo, good stuff--understand enough electronics
to screw in a light bulb, let alone put together something like
this.  I think he musta stolen it or somethin', and doesn't want
to fess up."
    Kate giggled.  "Guess we shouldn't feel bad about stealing it
from him, then."
    "Nope!"
    "So, y'think you can figure out how it works?"
    The younger woman ducked back under the console.  "Think so.
Hand me that flathead, would you?"
    "Sure."  Kate reached in, but couldn't quite get the
screwdriver.  She stood on her toes, and still couldn't quite
make it.  She pulled herself slightly off the floor and got her
fingers on the screwdriver when, predictably, she fell into the
box, hit the controls with her foot as she landed on her chief
technologist, and caused the box to disappear from that plane of
reality.


    "Now, let me get this straight," Alice said, staring at the
gleaming machinery before her.  "I step up there, and, in a burst
of nifty special effects, I'm instantly transported from Austin,
Texas to Boston, Massachusetts, with no harmful side effects?"
    "Exactly!" Jenny answered, smiling.
    "You're high.  Hey guys," she shouted up the stairs, "Jenny's
high!"
    "I am *not* high!"
    "You are if you think I'm going to do this."
    "It's perfectly safe."
    "Then you do it."
    Jenny rezzed into view.  "I can't.  No body to send."
    "Yes, well, there you go then.  If you won't do it, I won't
do it."  Alice tried to glare at the hologram, but felt guilty
about it and stopped.  "You're sure it's safe?"
    "The Mob uses it daily.  Especially Pop.  It's safe."
    Alice sighed.  "You're sure."
    Jenny giggled.  "I'm sure."
    <<Ladies, we have Xolchaportation Sign!>>
    "Right!  Alice, get in, it's time!"
    Alice stepped into the booth, trying to ignore the feeling
that this was a bad mistake.  A loud sound, sort of like some
handbells getting cut by saws or something, filled the room, and
lights flashed.  When Alice opened her eyes again, she was in a
completely different room.
    "I'm not dead?"
    <<I don't think so, although you do seem to have a heavenly
body.  Hi, and welcome to the ALU Chick-Mouse.  I'm JOEL, the guy
that's secretly in charge of everything.  Don't tell anyone,
okay?>>
    "Right.  Sure.  Got it."
    <<Okay, let's see here.  You're here to see Healer and talk
about the Academy and stuff.  She's in her office, so just step
into the elevator there, and it'll take you up to her office.>>
    "Right.  Sure.  Got it."
    <<You like saying that, don't you?>>
    "I'm waiting for my stomach to materialize before getting
creative."
    <<Right.  Sure.  Got it.>>


[Continued in Part II, after these exciting messages.]