🚀 go-pugleaf

++From: msissom@dna.metronet.com (Marc Sissom)

In article <4d3n3c$98q@newsbf02.news.aol.com>, Netnom <netnom@aol.com>
wrote:
>:::From: jgreen@trumpet.aix.calpoly.edu (James T. Green)
>
>:::I was refering to a women who SAYS she's "busy" due to something like
>:::homework, business, "too tired to go out" or some other non-dating
>:::reason. Then she goes out with someone else.  The point is that said
>:::hypothetical person is not being honest with me. She won't say she's
>got :::another date and instead makes up a story.  
>
>would you really, truly be comfortable with a women saying, 'sorry but i
>have a date with another guy"?

++Yes.

as they say downunder,"good on you.'"    but other men have already
emailed me to say their answer would be "No."

>    if she said this, would you ask her out
>again?

++Depends. If I find out that she is lying, definitely not.

you're fudging here.   what we're talking about (note:  'if she said this'
....refers to 'if she said she had a date with another man' -- so we're
talking about the truth, not lyiing, at this point.   i think you're
avoiding the question.

>    (i.e., are you willing to date a woman who is also dating
>another man?   i'm talking about the initial stages of dating, before
>there is any sex or commitment.)  i think  most women fear that the
answer
>for most men to these questions would be 'NO.'      

++An easy way to resolve this problem is for the woman to call the man
++if she wants to go out with him later. Or the man can attempt to
++scheduleat another time or day. If all of this gets him nothing but
++excuses, thenshe is probably not interested and just doesn't have the
++guts to say so.

again, this is not the issue.   yes, the woman shd say, 'i'mbusy then, how
about...."     your 2nd sentence goes into another type of 'head game.' 
what i'm talking about is not that, but if a woman is being honest about
dating more than 1 person at once.   can you stick to the subject?

>and how about you, do you tell women you're dating about how you've also
>been out on a date with another woman?  

++Yes, they(the women) usually find such stuff out right away. Comes out
++in conversation pretty quickly...

++  Hi, how have you been?
++  Ok, and you?
 ++ Well enough, What have you been up to?
++  Not much, just work. How about you?
 ++ Same, but I went to a really good party last Friday.
 ++ Sorry I was busy. I told you that I already had plans. Who was there?
++  List of names...
++  Sounds fun! It has been a while since I had a chance to see some of
 ++   those folks. Who's Sharon? I don't remember ever meeting her.
++  The gal that I took to the party.
++ Oh...

good for you.

>and why do i get the feeling that if a woman *did* tell you that she was
>out on a date with another man,, that you'd say *that* was a head game,
>too -- i.e., she's trying to make you jealous! 

++Nah, I'd just lose interest and wait for her to call me when she is
++ready. See comments above about scheduling...

but what if she said, 'i'm busy then, but how about...."    or would you
still say  NO, wanting  her to decide to *only* date you??

++Having her say that she is too busy working, headache, or whatever,
++then to see her with someone else results in an instant degradation
++of my opinion of her character. Obviously she is a liar. Why should
++I have any interest in a liar? Getting involved with her won't change
++that. Later on, I'll always wonder if she's telling the truth. So if
++I find out early on that someone has such a character flaw, I drop out
++quickly. Why waste my resources? 

you're evading the question again.  at this point, i''m still talking
about the effects of a woman being HONEST,  not lying.    my thesis is
that men say they want honesty, but don't really in a lot of cases....or
punish the woman who *is* honest.     

>now i agree that an outright lie is no good.  personally, i will say that
>i'm 'busy' or 'have plans' or am 'seeing a friend' -- all of which are
>truthful, but keep my right to privacy *and* avoid hurting the guy's
>feelings unnecessarily (after all, i still may pick him as the person i
>want to get seriously  involved with).

++A much better policy, IMO.

well, thanks!

>    if i haven't yet had sex with a
>man, i don't see that he has any *right* to know i'm dating someone else.


++This is marginal. I'd like to know something about your history BEFORE I
++have sex with you. If he asks you, will you tell him the truth?

agree and yes.    before we make love, i'd certainly want to talk about a
LOT of things!   also, by making love with someone, i'd be making a choice
*for* that person, as opposed to anyone else i'm seeing.  actually, i
would have made that choice before we go to bed.....going to bed would be
the fruit of that decision.

++It is difficult to apply the same standards to people which you measure
++in different ways. This is, after a fashion, by definition. 

huh??

++Sure, thereare some parallels such as honesty and loyalty, but in
+=general I am notinterested in having the equivalent of a
++male-female-love relationshipwith one of my male friends. So, I don't
++think that I should measurethem using the same standards or methods
++that I apply to prospectivemates.

i don't know *why* you brought all this up.  i never talked about any
parallel between friendhips and romances.    what i talked about was men
applying the same standards to *themselves* as they do to the women they
date!   you wrote the above as if you are refuting some statement of mine,
which i never made.