🚀 go-pugleaf

In article <4d3n3c$98q@newsbf02.news.aol.com>, Netnom <netnom@aol.com> wrote:
>:::From: jgreen@trumpet.aix.calpoly.edu (James T. Green)
>
>:::I was refering to a women who SAYS she's "busy" due to something like
>:::homework, business, "too tired to go out" or some other non-dating
>:::reason. Then she goes out with someone else.  The point is that said
>:::hypothetical person is not being honest with me. She won't say she's
>got :::another date and instead makes up a story.  
>
>would you really, truly be comfortable with a women saying, 'sorry but i
>have a date with another guy"?

Yes.

>    if she said this, would you ask her out
>again?

Depends. If I find out that she is lying, definitely not.

>    (i.e., are you willing to date a woman who is also dating
>another man?   i'm talking about the initial stages of dating, before
>there is any sex or commitment.)  i think  most women fear that the answer
>for most men to these questions would be 'NO.'      

An easy way to resolve this problem is for the woman to call the man
if she wants to go out with him later. Or the man can attempt to schedule
at another time or day. If all of this gets him nothing but excuses, then
she is probably not interested and just doesn't have the guts to say so.

>and how about you, do you tell women you're dating about how you've also
>been out on a date with another woman?  

Yes, they(the women) usually find such stuff out right away. Comes out
in conversation pretty quickly...

  Hi, how have you been?
  Ok, and you?
  Well enough, What have you been up to?
  Not much, just work. How about you?
  Same, but I went to a really good party last Friday.
  Sorry I was busy. I told you that I already had plans. Who was there?
  List of names...
  Sounds fun! It has been a while since I had a chance to see some of
    those folks. Who's Sharon? I don't remember ever meeting her.
  The gal that I took to the party.
  Oh...

>and why do i get the feeling that if a woman *did* tell you that she was
>out on a date with another man,, that you'd say *that* was a head game,
>too -- i.e., she's trying to make you jealous! 

Nah, I'd just lose interest and wait for her to call me when she is
ready. See comments above about scheduling...
Having her say that she is too busy working, headache, or whatever,
then to see her with someone else results in an instant degradation
of my opinion of her character. Obviously she is a liar. Why should
I have any interest in a liar? Getting involved with her won't change
that. Later on, I'll always wonder if she's telling the truth. So if
I find out early on that someone has such a character flaw, I drop out
quickly. Why waste my resources? 

>now i agree that an outright lie is no good.  personally, i will say that
>i'm 'busy' or 'have plans' or am 'seeing a friend' -- all of which are
>truthful, but keep my right to privacy *and* avoid hurting the guy's
>feelings unnecessarily (after all, i still may pick him as the person i
>want to get seriously  involved with).

A much better policy, IMO.

>    if i haven't yet had sex with a
>man, i don't see that he has any *right* to know i'm dating someone else. 

This is marginal. I'd like to know something about your history BEFORE I
have sex with you. If he asks you, will you tell him the truth?

It is difficult to apply the same standards to people which you measure
in different ways. This is, after a fashion, by definition. Sure, there
are some parallels such as honesty and loyalty, but in general I am not
interested in having the equivalent of a male-female-love relationship
with one of my male friends. So, I don't think that I should measure
them using the same standards or methods that I apply to prospective
mates.