🚀 go-pugleaf

You have a lot of enemies, Rudd. One of them told me to come check out
this thread. Figured I'd make sure everyone gets the real skinny on
you, in your own words. Call it your reality check.

So, still mad at so-called "Kenneth" because he pointed the rest of us
to this pathetic, whining post of yours? Facts he dug up, eh?
<chuckle> :)

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From: Steven Rudd <sr...@airmail.net>
Newsgroups: alt.support.divorce
Subject: Just tooling around
Date: Tue, 16 Jan 2001 10:42:31 -0600
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Just home with a sick kid and found this ng - I wish I'd found it
sooner.

I'm just turned 47, and an the 8th month of a separation. My wife left
me for another guy after almost 18 years together. She's now not
seeing
him, and we started counseling Last week.

For the record - I love her deeply, but I failed in many ways to give
her what she needed.

It was a pretty tough summer -she moved out while I was in Florida
with
my dying Mom, so there is a lot of crap I am getting over. I got the
news over the phone in a hotel room, and I flew home on mother's day
when it looked like my Mom might make it (she had gone into a coma -
they called me wih news of her death, but sahe pulled out of it).

She had moved out that morning, with the help of rick, whom she had
eveidently gone to high school with, but just recently they re-met and
as far as I can tell, it was about a 5 day whirlwind.

So I get home to an empty house, she is in a new apartment already
with
my daughter, whom she dropped off that evening to be with me.

So, of course I'm completely, utterly devastated. No sleep for 4 days
in
florida, no food for five. I was a mess. I keep calling my mom, but
she
is "too tired to get to the phone". It turns out my stupid brother let
her know that penny had left me, which I did not want her to know
under
her circumstances. She passed away that following Wednesday, and we
were
never able to discuss it, I was never able to explain (She liked Penny
very much).

And, to top it off, Penny's Mom had passed on after a long battle with
Alzheimers just three months previously.

My wife has very firm spiritual beliefs - she was unable to continue
with this guy because of it. For the record, from what I know of this
guy, he is absolutely a losing proposition for her. Even my stepson, a
US Marine, doesn't like him, (and the guy is an "ex"-Marine reservist)
and upon getting the news of her leaving him he emailed me from Yemen,
and told me what he thought of the guy.

She told me of her relationship, that he was controlling, etc. And
also
he has a drinking prob according to my stepson. She said that leaving
him was a seaparate issue and that we can try and work it out between
us, but there are no guarantees.

Then, first counseling session - she says she left rick over guilt for
me. My jaw dropped.

What percipitated their breakup was the night he shaved his head to
"prove his love for her". Evidently, he has similar hair to mine, and
that had something to do with it. That scared her, and she broke it
off,
and then there I was in her arms one night for the first time in
months.

Now she refuses to sleep with me, and the frustration is getting in
the
way. Then she tells me that she loves me as a friend, that she is
empty
of her love for me as a husband, and she is praying for that to come
back. she says it could be a day, a week, a year....

So today, after a rocky, frustrating weekend, I have told her that she
can now leave guilt-free, that I do not want to force her love if she
loves someone else.

Not to mention I have an extremely demanding job that has been damaged
by all this. It's a frikkin razor's edge all the way around.

Not to mention that My oldest brother and I just had my middle
brother's
kids taken away in florida, and his 17-year old committed under the
Baker act.

So, basically, I've hit the wall. I can't wait a day, a week, a year.
I
gotta move on one way or anotther. I never even dreamed of another
woman
in almost 18 years. I can't
even contemplate intimacy, cause intimacy was always her.

Just before she split up with him, I had reached a plateau of
acceptence, and I told her so, and said there was no reason to ask
forgivness, that the fault lay with me, and she must follow her heart.

I felt fantastic then...started to finish painting the house, got a
new
puter for freelance to pay this freakin mortgage. I had made it. Now,
I'm falling back into stuff again, and the frustration threatens to
turn
into anger, and I can never be angry with her again. I can never
experience what I did this past summer again. I don't have that much
in
me.

Well...thanks forletting me blather. I've been kind of cut off from
everything, and the net is a good place to unload.