🚀 go-pugleaf

"Chookie" <ehrebeniuk@fowlspambegone.com.au> wrote in message 
news:ehrebeniuk-4783C1.22374704102005@news-vip.optusnet.com.au...
> DS1 is 4.5.  I am intrigued by the way he deals with correction and wanted 
> to
> know what you all think.
>
> Today DS1 spat on another child's hand, as the Incident Report stated, 
> "for no
> apparent reason".  DS1 was duly admonished by M, his day care worker.  I 
> asked
> how he reacted -- M said he blushed, began to speak very quickly, and then
> tried to change the subject.  I am certainly used to his attempts to 
> change
> the subject when he's being reprimanded at home!
>
> Asked DS1 about the incident this evening.  He doesn't know why he spat on 
> C's
> hand either, of course.  And he agreed that he felt embarrassed when M 
> spoke
> ot him about it, but then, he may not understand the word.
>
> "Was C angry?" I asked.
> "No. [...]  She told everybody about it [...] She was upset... I was going 
> to
> tell her she was naughty."
> "Who, C?"
> "No, M.  She was naughty."
> "M was naughty because she said it was wrong to spit?" (Can you tell we've
> been here before?)
> "Yes."
> "But it's her job to tell you which are good things to do and which are 
> bad
> things to do."
> "No... [long, degenerating rant which eventually ends in confusion]"
>
> Poor M.  DS1 claims not to like her very much because she tells him when 
> he's
> done something wrong.  He is unwilling to accept that she has a right and 
> a
> duty to do this.  When do kids start accepting that other people besides 
> their
> parents have a duty to point out right and wrong? (I can't ever remember
> doubting it.)  I think at some level he does recognise her authority, 
> because
> of the way he ran down this evening when talking about it.  He's an
> interesting kid!


My son does not even accept that I have a duty to point out right and wrong. 
He accuses me of being mean. I'm not sure that accepting the authority is 
even necessary. The unfortunate position (from their point of view) of kids 
this age is that there is not a whole lot that they can do about it. I look 
to the longer view of how this works over time to teach getting along with 
others even when it is in direct conflict with our own selfish desires.

>
> -- 
> Chookie -- Sydney, Australia
> (Replace "foulspambegone" with "optushome" to reply)
>
> "In Melbourne there is plenty of vigour and eagerness, but there is
> nothing worth being eager or vigorous about."
> Francis Adams, The Australians, 1893. 

"Chookie" <ehrebeniuk@fowlspambegone.com.au> wrote in message
>When do kids start accepting that other people besides their
> parents have a duty to point out right and wrong? (I can't ever remember
> doubting it.)  I think at some level he does recognise her authority,
because
> of the way he ran down this evening when talking about it.  He's an
> interesting kid!

I don't know. My own kid doesn't think I have the right to tell her what she
is doing wrong. As a matter of fact, yesterday we were grocery shopping and
she wanted a carton of juice. I didn't want to get the big carton of juice
because I wanted juice boxes for lunches. She said that all the other
parents let their kids have that juice and that I needed to go to parenting
school so I would learn that I needed to give her everything she wants. :oP
DD3 is 8 yrs old, btw. I remember having a similar conversation with my
oldest about how when other adults are around and I wasn't, that the adult
was in charge and they get to make the rules and enforce them and it was the
job of my children to follow the rules. Certainly by the time the girls went
to preschool, they understood that other people could be in charge also.
-- 
Sue (mom to three girls)

Chookie wrote:

> Poor M.  DS1 claims not to like her very much because she tells him when he's 
> done something wrong.  He is unwilling to accept that she has a right and a 
> duty to do this.  When do kids start accepting that other people besides their 
> parents have a duty to point out right and wrong? (I can't ever remember 
> doubting it.)  I think at some level he does recognise her authority, because 
> of the way he ran down this evening when talking about it.  He's an 
> interesting kid!

	I think this is the perfectly normal wishful thinking
that is expected at this age.  He doesn't like being corrected,
so he just denies that it happened or that the person who
corrected him had the right to do so.  I think walking him
through it looking for explanations just encourages him to
build even more fantasy around it to try to make the world
line up with his wishes.  Sure, he was embarrassed.  He
doesn't like being corrected, and he *surely* doesen't like
being corrected in front of his peers.  I think this is
a perfectly normal reaction to the situation.  He doesn't
like it, so he's going to deny it happened or somehow
invalidate it.  I'd just ignore it.  At some level, he
knows that what he did was inappropriate and that his
teacher had a right to call him on it.  He'll cope, and
he'll rearrange his behavior over time.

Best wishes,
Ericka