🚀 go-pugleaf

In article <Nov22.230654.45607@yuma.ACNS.ColoState.EDU> randal@pylon.physics.colostate.edu (randal rheinheimer) writes:
>I've come across a problem in my all-too-amateurish writing and am asking those  
>more experienced (or just more imaginative) for help.  There is a certain flow  
>I wish to maintain in putting a thought or a description inside a spoken  
>sentence, but no particular construction seems right to me.  Here is an example  
>of the sort of thing I'm working with:
>
>She said, "I'm posting you about my problem--" Her hands became clumsy on the  
>keyboard. "--and I hope you're able to help me."
>
>That's the best construction I had come up with, so I knew that it was past  
>time to get help; it's just not right to put a complete sentence in the middle  
>of the spoken phrase.  Possibly the dashes could be placed outside the  
>quotation marks:
>
> . . problem," --her hands became clumsy on the keyboard-- "and . . .
>
>A large part of the problem is that the flow, the feel of the passage is  
>destroyed if I put the description somewhere more convenient.  Any  
>ideas--parentheses, maybe?
>Thanks for your help.  Please post rather than mailing--my machine refuses to  
>acknowledge existence beyond itself just now.
>Rand


There are two schools of thought here.  One, which I heard from an Iowa
graduate, is that if it works, do it.  In other words, just because it
doesn't _seem_ right, doesn't mean you can't experiment.  If that's your
voice, give it a try.  If your readers find that it doesn't work in the
context of the story, they will tell you.

The other school is that this construction is just plain wrong, and that
you might as well say: "I'm posting you about this problem." Her hands
became clumsy on the keyboard.  "I hope you're able to help me."  Yes, I
know, this defeats the whole purpose, but you may not have a choice.  You 
could always try stream of consciousness if it fit in to your story.  In 
that case, you could do almost anything.

- Lawrence

-- 

_____
larryw@lclark.edu | *L.Westdahl is a caring nurturer, a member of several
writer, musician  | twelve step programs, but not a licensed therapist.