🚀 go-pugleaf

> 	The question: Are ALL jokes offensive in SOME way to SOMEone?
> Can anyone supply a joke that is completely inoffensive to anybody
> (yet still funny to someone)? 
.....
> 	I really would like to hear some non-offensive jokes, if anybody
> can think of any. Please post them, let's see if anybody is offended.

A termite walks into a bar and says,
"Is the bartender here?"

                             -- T.C.

In article <547@ihlpl.UUCP> ldd4@ihlpl.UUCP (Mirek) writes:
>> 	The question: Are ALL jokes offensive in SOME way to SOMEone?
>> Can anyone supply a joke that is completely inoffensive to anybody
>> (yet still funny to someone)? 
>.....
>> 	I really would like to hear some non-offensive jokes, if anybody
>> can think of any. Please post them, let's see if anybody is offended.
>
>A termite walks into a bar and says,
>"Is the bartender here?"
>
>                             -- T.C.


    Last night I went over to my Uncle Ebenezer Kyrieleison's house to visit.
He's a crotchety old man who takes his religion very seriously. I told him
this joke, and his face got red, veins began pooping on his forehead and in
his neck, and he screeamed, "How DARE you come into my house and BLASPHEME!
God has given man and man alone the capacity to speak - not animals - 
especially not VERMIN like TERMITES! You ridicule God's miraculous gift
to mankind - you shall forever BURN in HELLFIRE! Now get out of my house,
I shall pray long and hard for God not to destroy the house I try to keep
so holy!" Well, he's just an old fart, but he's a rich old fart, and I didn't
want to offend him further, so I left.
    On the way home I stopped into the local pub - The Boor's Head Tavern -
to quaff a beer or two. I told the joke to a fellow sitting at the bar, and
he hauled off and smacked me right in the nose. Before I could stop the
bleeding, he left the tavern, but the bartender explained: The other guy
was also a bartender. His mother sometimes helped out by cleaning the
equipment under the bar. Well, it seems that termites had eaten away the
supporting beams for the counter, and as his mother was leaning over to
polish the beerkegs, the bar collapsed, killing the woman instantly. In 
light of this, my joke seemed in poor taste, and I became depressed.
    Consider the joke:
	A black guy walks into a bar carrying a monkey on his shoulder. The
	bartender says, "Hey, that's neat! Where'd you get that?". The 
	monkey says, "Africa."
    Now, this joke is only funny if the monkey says "Africa". If the man
says "Africa", everybody yawns. Of course, black people are also only
offended if the monkey speaks. I claim, therefore, that talking animals
must be offensive.

	QED.     --MKR


Next...

		"That's not funny - that's sick!"

In article <428@mmm.UUCP> mrgofor@mmm.UUCP (Michael Ross) writes:
>	The question: Are ALL jokes offensive in SOME way to SOMEone?
>Can anyone supply a joke that is completely inoffensive to anybody
>(yet still funny to someone)? 

	    Well, I think so.  As soon as I get done with this article
	I'm going to post a couple of jokes that I think qualify.  On
	the other hand, the most reasonable theories of humor that I
	have seen (see the discussion in this very group a couple of
	months ago) argue that to be funny, a joke must inevitably be
	at least unsettling, if not offensive, albeit in a very subtle
	fashion.  Or, as Nessus (the Pierson's puppeteer, not the
	centaur) succinctly put it, humor is associated with an
	interrupted defense mechanism.  In order to be interrupted,
	the defense mechanism has to first be activated, and for that
	there must be something to defend against.

>	The second question - are feminists more prone to taking offense
>than other groups? If so, why?
>The corollary to this question: where on the scale (not offended ... outraged)
>SHOULD feminists be?

	    I'll pass on these; I have no idea.
						--pH
/*
 *	    "That's not funny!"
 */

> Dear net.people:
> 
> 
> 	The question: Are ALL jokes offensive in SOME way to SOMEone?
> Can anyone supply a joke that is completely inoffensive to anybody
> (yet still funny to someone)? 

  Ok, this is going to sound real mealy-mouthed, but I tend to
believe it.  Someone else's misery is always going to be humorous
to someone else in someway.  As awful as the Vietnam war was,  I
know that a lot of Russians probably thought it was hilarious to
see us in such a mess.  I guess you just have to tune out the
jokes that are in your "Sensitive Zone".  Just remember that at
some point everyone has told a joke that probably would have
offended someone.
  As for jokes that don't offend anyone?  I wish i could give some
examples over the net of some great BILL COSBY stuff.  But even
in person I couldn't do him justice.  I have just about every
album he ever did, and have seen him live twice.  In all that
I only heard him swear once, and it was because he kicked over his
glass of water while sitting and talking.  If you are not familiar
with BC humor, go out and buy any album.  He can make the
most common thing (eating ice cream) funny.  Can anyone
quote anything BC has ever said as being offensive?
   Happy laughing................


-- 
                   Martin Van Ryswyk
	 {dual,lll-crg,ucbvax}!ucdavis!deneb!ccs025     uucp
           ucdavis!deneb!ccs025@ucbvax.berkley.edu      arpa

> Dear net.people:
> 	I really would like to hear some non-offensive jokes, if anybody
> can think of any. Please post them, let's see if anybody is offended.
> 
> 	--MKR 

*** REPLACE THIS LINE WITH YOUR  JOKE ***

  "Why did the chicken cross the road..."  

Smiley.

>...veins began pooping on his forehead...?

In the future, would you please rot13 this bathroom humor.
Good grief.

--Barry Kort

> 	The question: Are ALL jokes offensive in SOME way to SOMEone?
> Can anyone supply a joke that is completely inoffensive to anybody
> (yet still funny to someone)? 

It is Heinlein's hypothesis (outlined in "Stranger in a Strange Land")
that we laugh at things as a defense mechanism, that is we laugh because
othersize we would cry.  I recommend this book highly for it's treatment
of the meaning of humor.

It seems to be that humor falls into two broad categories.  Wordplay,
such as puns, and humor where somebody is getting hurt in some way or
another.

> 	Of course, there are plenty of people willing and able to poke
> fun at themselves and their own foibles. Is it a necessary trait that
> people be offended by subjects that affect them? 

No.  For example, Jesse Jackson on SNL (as already pointed out).

> [...] I suspect that the offense one takes is
> related to the severity of the negative attributes of belonging to the
> group in question.

Good point.

> [...] where on the scale (not offended ... outraged) SHOULD feminists be?

Oh, about as offended as any other group systematically downtrodden.
Say, "Black people", "Jews", or "recent Polish immigrants".  Now, how
ofended "should" these people be?  Aydunno.  I suspect that rabid
outrage is counterproductive, if that means anything.

> 	I really would like to hear some non-offensive jokes, if anybody
> can think of any. Please post them, let's see if anybody is offended.

I note that some have already posted some non-offensive examples.  I
further note that all of these that I noticed have been word-play...
-- 
Wayne Throop at Data General, RTP, NC
<the-known-world>!mcnc!rti-sel!dg_rtp!throopw

In article <428@mmm.UUCP> mrgofor@mmm.UUCP (Michael Ross) writes:
>	The question: Are ALL jokes offensive in SOME way to SOMEone?
>Can anyone supply a joke that is completely inoffensive to anybody
>(yet still funny to someone)? 

Yes, there are plenty of jokes which are inoffensive. Here's three
(possibly old ones)

1) A woman dreamt she was talking to God when He sneezed.
She didn't know what to say to that. (I didn't get it until
I thought of the usual response to a sneeze: God bless you?)

2) Two crazy people are talking to each other. One asks "Are you
a Giant fan?" The other replies "No, I'm an airconditioner".

3) It's been discovered that you can get a disease from kissing birds
called Chirpes. But don't worry, it's tweetable.

I'll add that I wondered the same thing you did once. All three of the
examples I gave I heard from women. Is there a correlation? I don't
know although I suspect there is.
-- 
 If you are seen fixing something, you will be asked to fix it
 every time it breaks from then on. 

 Phil Ngai +1 408 749 5720
 UUCP: {ucbvax,decwrl,ihnp4,allegra}!amdcad!phil
 ARPA: amdcad!phil@decwrl.dec.com

> In article <428@mmm.UUCP> mrgofor@mmm.UUCP (Michael Ross) writes:
> >	The question: Are ALL jokes offensive in SOME way to SOMEone?
> >Can anyone supply a joke that is completely inoffensive to anybody
> >(yet still funny to someone)? 

	****Theory:  (stated as a question)  Is all humor really based
on laughing at someone else who is hurt, discomfited, embarrassed, 
made to look inferior, placed in an undignified situation, etc ? 

	I can't think of a single joke where there isn't someone who is
the loser. In the long run, I find that humor is simply the process of
laughing at someone who is worse off than we are. (I mean, hey, I *LOVE*
the far side, so I accuse myself)  Sexual humor is largely a way we
poor males have of laughing off our insecurities (I mean, how many jokes
have *YOU* heard about being hung like a horse ?!?!)  Maybe all humor 
is simply an interrupted defense mechanism. I have followed the constant
venting of spleen back and forth on net.women, and there seems to be
good evidence to support my theory: THE ONE PERSON WHO IS GUARANTEED
NOT TO LAUGH IS THE BUTT OF THE JOKE.   
	Maybe the key is to simply try to keep our jokes directed at
an audience that will be statistically more likely to be appreciative.
Maybe compassion and an appreciation of other people's dignity will
do the trick. Maybe it's better to just give up our senses of humor and
admit the joke's on us.

	-Ornamental Male *^)
		-Marcus J Ranum  (h462aamjr@gallua.BITNET)

In article <556@hounx.UUCP> kort@hounx.UUCP (B.KORT) writes:
>>...veins began pooping on his forehead...?
>
>In the future, would you please rot13 this bathroom humor.
>Good grief.
>
>--Barry Kort

Chuckle chuckle. Now *that* is funny. But I'm offended that you dare
point out the error of my typing. I'll have you know that I'm a
quintuple amputee and had to type this with my remaining bits. And
YOU had the AUDACITY to correct ME!!! DON'T YOU FEEL LIKE A PIECE 
OF SLIME?!?!?!  Ack Ack Ack...

	--MKR

In article <9096@amdcad.UUCP> phil@amdcad.UUCP (Phil Ngai) writes:
>In article <428@mmm.UUCP> mrgofor@mmm.UUCP (Michael Ross) writes:
>>	The question: Are ALL jokes offensive in SOME way to SOMEone?
>>Can anyone supply a joke that is completely inoffensive to anybody
>>(yet still funny to someone)? 
>
>Yes, there are plenty of jokes which are inoffensive. Here's three
>(possibly old ones)
>
>1) A woman dreamt she was talking to God when He sneezed.
>She didn't know what to say to that. (I didn't get it until
>I thought of the usual response to a sneeze: God bless you?)

This may belong in net.religion, but I find this joke offensive
on the basis that God is refered to as He. (I'd rather not
get into a lengthy discussion on the gender of God that will 
fail to sway anyone's opinion either way. :-)  Besides that 
would belong in net.religion).
^^^^^

But here's one Chris told me:

Why does the ocean roar?

							You'd roar too if you had crabs on
							your bottom.

					Laura

Phil Ngai writes:
>Michael Ross writes:
>>	The question: Are ALL jokes offensive in SOME way to SOMEone?
>
>Yes, there are plenty of jokes which are inoffensive. Here's three
>(possibly old ones)
>
>1) A woman dreamt she was talking to God when He sneezed.
>She didn't know what to say to that. (I didn't get it until
>I thought of the usual response to a sneeze: God bless you?)
>
>2) Two crazy people are talking to each other. One asks "Are you
>a Giant fan?" The other replies "No, I'm an airconditioner".
>
>3) It's been discovered that you can get a disease from kissing birds
>called Chirpes. But don't worry, it's tweetable.
>
> Phil Ngai +1 408 749 5720

I would argue that all of these could be construed as offensive to someone.
The first might upset a religious person (implying that God might have a need
to sneeze could suggest a somewhat less than perfect being), the second could
be construed as being derogatory to people with mental problems,  the third
is a terrible pun which offends many people (that is the point of the joke,
isn't it?  Isn't it supposed to be a pun on the Tweetie Bird cartoon 
character's name?).  Which brings me to the point which prompted me to post
this article:  why are puns considered to be offensive?  I have come to the
conclusion that puns are considered painful to the listeners since there is
at least a subconsious understanding that there cannot be humor unless it
involves pain for someone.  Since puns do not explicitly degrade, insult, or
otherwise hurt anyone the pain involved must be experienced by the listeners.
Just a thought.
 
-- 
J. Kenneth Riviere   (JoKeR)
Georgia Institute of Technology, Atlanta Georgia, 30332
...!{akgua,allegra,amd,hplabs,ihnp4,seismo,ut-ngp}!gatech!gitpyr!jkr
"I'd rather be conservative than bigoted,
 but I'd rather be *dead* than conservative!"
         -Kate from _Kate_and_Allie_

> > 	V ernyyl jbhyq yvxr gb urne fbzr aba-bssrafvir wbxrf, ...
>   "Jul qvq gur puvpxra pebff gur ebnq..."  
> 
> Fzvyrl.

     Orpnhfr vg jnf cvaarq gb gur chax-ebpxref purrx!

> In article <428@mmm.UUCP> mrgofor@mmm.UUCP (Michael Ross) writes:
> >	The question: Are ALL jokes offensive in SOME way to SOMEone?
> >Can anyone supply a joke that is completely inoffensive to anybody
> >(yet still funny to someone)? 
> 
> Yes, there are plenty of jokes which are inoffensive. Here's three
> (possibly old ones)
> 
> 1) A woman dreamt she was talking to God when He sneezed.
> She didn't know what to say to that. (I didn't get it until
> I thought of the usual response to a sneeze: God bless you?)

Of the three examples, I believe that this one is the least likely
by far to offend anyone.  Nevertheless, those who believe in either
zero or two+ gods could find the very expression "God bless you" to
be offensive (I don't see why they'd have any reason to, but I can
easily imagine a few people being disturbed by this).  I also personally
know people who really object to the use of a capital 'G' in the spelling
of the Judeo-Christian god (but, of course, this objection disappears
when the joke is told orally).

> 2) Two crazy people are talking to each other. One asks "Are you
> a Giant fan?" The other replies "No, I'm an airconditioner".

I'm afraid that this could easily (perhaps rightly) be regarded as
perpetuating the stereotype that all mentally ill people think that
they are something/someone else.  Also, for those who are affected
by the problem of mental illness, this joke may be seen to show gross
insensitivity toward mentally ill people.  The problems of the mentally
ill are serious, and not funny.  Some (nay, MANY) people find the idea
of drawing any kind of humour out of a sad/serious set of circumstances
to be very offensive and repugnant.

> 3) It's been discovered that you can get a disease from kissing birds
> called Chirpes. But don't worry, it's tweetable.

The parallel to herpes here is just too much.  Those who have been
affected in some way by that very unfunny disease may be very offended
by this joke.  The reason is the same as before.

It seems to be very hard not to make a joke that offends some people.
I suspect that only those that are very distanced from human events/
experience are able to fit the bill.  With that theory in mind, I throw
the following example to the wind.  Can anyone find a reason why this
simple joke would offend anyone?

	Q:  What did one rock say to the other rock?
	A:  Nothing.  Rocks can't speak.


-- 
+++++++++++
"For Easter Day is Christmas time,		Clyde Bryja
 And far away is near,				Box 21, Reed College
 And two and two is more than four,		Portland, OR	97202
 And over there is here."

In article <1726@jhunix.UUCP> ins_acae@jhunix.UUCP (Carolyn Ann Ewald) writes:
>> In article <428@mmm.UUCP> mrgofor@mmm.UUCP (Michael Ross) writes:
>> >	The question: Are ALL jokes offensive in SOME way to SOMEone?
>> >Can anyone supply a joke that is completely inoffensive to anybody
>> >(yet still funny to someone)? 
>
>	****Theory:  (stated as a question)  Is all humor really based
>on laughing at someone else who is hurt, discomfited, embarrassed, 
>made to look inferior, placed in an undignified situation, etc ? 
>
>	I can't think of a single joke where there isn't someone who is
>the loser...

Try listening to George Carlin or Robin Williams some time.  Lots of  humor
with  no  one  hurt.  ("Flammable,  inflammable, non-inflammable -- why are
there three?  Seems like two words could cover that concept  pretty  well."
-- G.  Carlin).

>                                ... THE ONE PERSON WHO IS GUARANTEED
>NOT TO LAUGH IS THE BUTT OF THE JOKE.   

This is highly situational.  Also depends  on  the  person  involved.  Just
three  days  ago  a friend played a joke on me in public.  Sparing the long
details, it caused me some consternation and embarrassment in  front  of  a
group  of  friends.  The point being that no one laughed harder than I when
the joke was revealed.  (A definite gotcha).

I've noticed the ability to laugh at one's self is  definitely  lacking  in
some of the posters to this news group.  It's not the humor but the lack of
a sense of humor that seems to cause problems.

In other words: Lighten up, damnit!  Life is much too important to be taken
seriously.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
The Polymath (aka: Jerry Hollombe)
Citicorp(+)TTI
3100 Ocean Park Blvd.     Geniuses are people so lazy they
Santa Monica, CA  90405   do everything right the first time.
(213) 450-9111, ext. 2483
{philabs,randvax,trwrb,vortex}!ttidca!ttidcc!hollombe

[ *** ]

>>>In article <428@mmm.UUCP> mrgofor@mmm.UUCP (Michael Ross) writes:
>>>	The question: Are ALL jokes offensive in SOME way to SOMEone?
>>>Can anyone supply a joke that is completely inoffensive to anybody
>>>(yet still funny to someone)? 

>>Yes, there are plenty of jokes which are inoffensive. Here's three

>>1) A woman dreamt she was talking to God when He sneezed.
>>She didn't know what to say to that. (I didn't get it until
>>I thought of the usual response to a sneeze: God bless you?)

In article <2451@reed.UUCP> lauran@reed.UUCP (Laura Nepveu) writes:
>This may belong in net.religion, but I find this joke offensive
>on the basis that God is referred to as He.

>But here's one Chris told me:
>Why does the ocean roar?
>You'd roar too if you had crabs on your bottom.

Good Grief!! Give it a rest!
Hate to tell you Laura, you can't take it, but you can dish it out!! :-)
I find this joke offensive because it attacks those persons who have/had/
may get hemorrhoids. It also offends those people who have bottoms by
attacking their personal hygiene.

How about this joke:
Why did the chicken cross the road?
	To get to the other side.

No! No! No!!
This offends farmers insinuating that they do not care properly for
their livestock. Why would a chicken be in the road if it were not
for delinquency on the part of the farmer?

The fact is, Michael Ross it right. You tell a joke and 
by God^H^H^H Goodness you can make it offend anybody!
   (alomost offended somebody there...)

If you haven't noticed by now, this whole discussion should be moved
back to net.jokes because, you guessed it, it *IS* becoming a joke!

Gee, I hope I didn't offend anyone...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"I enjoy working with human beings, and                         John M. Ritter
have stimulating relationships with them."                  Allied-Signal Inc.
                            - HAL 9000                Corporate Tax Department
                      {bellcore,harpo,ihnp4,infopro,princeton,sys1}!motown!jmr
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

JoKeR wonders why puns are offensive.  As an incurable lifelong
punster, I have discovered that some people are offended by puns.
One person I met, who was especially offended by them, turned out
to be dyslexic, with an associated language deficiency.  Her
inability to return pun for pun was a great source of distress
to her, even though I had no expectations to that effect.  If
someone thinks you're playing catch with them, it's best not to
toss them a ball that they can't toss back.

I'm sadder but wiser for the experience.  I'm sure she'll learn
to toss back the ball in time.  But puns aren't just for hams
or low brows.  They make you stout and are good for what ails you.

--Barry Kort

In article <132@ttidcc.UUCP> hollombe@ttidcc.UUCP (The Polymath) writes:
>Try listening to George Carlin or Robin Williams some time.  Lots of  humor
>with  no  one  hurt.  ("Flammable,  inflammable, non-inflammable -- why are
>there three?  Seems like two words could cover that concept  pretty  well."
>-- G.  Carlin).

Carlin, maybe, but not Williams.  While I like much of his humor, a lot
of the rest is *very* racist - usually at the expense of Asians.

-- 
Ed Gould                    mt Xinu, 2910 Seventh St., Berkeley, CA  94710  USA
{ucbvax,decvax}!mtxinu!ed   +1 415 644 0146

"A man of quality is not threatened by a woman of equality."

> > In article <428@mmm.UUCP> mrgofor@mmm.UUCP (Michael Ross) writes:
> > >	The question: Are ALL jokes offensive in SOME way to SOMEone?
> > >Can anyone supply a joke that is completely inoffensive to anybody
> > >(yet still funny to someone)? 
> Can anyone find a reason why this
> simple joke would offend anyone?
> 
> 	Q:  What did one rock say to the other rock?
> 	A:  Nothing.  Rocks can't speak.
> 
> You may think this is not offensive, but i wouldn't take it for granite.

In article <523@mtxinu.UUCP>, ed@mtxinu.UUCP (Ed Gould) writes:
> Carlin, maybe, but not Williams.  While I like much of his humor, a lot
> of the rest is *very* racist - usually at the expense of Asians.
> 
This past summer, I spent an hour or so watching and listening to Robin
Williams at a comedy marathon at Golden Gate Park in San Francisco.  Most
of his jokes were about kids -- especially HIS child.  The only one who
could have gotten offended by his jokes was Dolly Parton; he made a few
jokes about how HER kid would react to its first feeding ("Wow!  Kilimanjaro!").

I wasn't aware that Dolly Parton was Asian.

--Lynn  :-)

> >1) A woman dreamt she was talking to God when He sneezed.
> >She didn't know what to say to that. (I didn't get it until
> >I thought of the usual response to a sneeze: God bless you?)
> 
> This may belong in net.religion, but I find this joke offensive
> on the basis that God is refered to as He. (I'd rather not
> get into a lengthy discussion on the gender of God that will 
> fail to sway anyone's opinion either way. :-)  Besides that 
> would belong in net.religion).
> ^^^^^

Yeah, it probably does belong in net.religion, but I don't read it.  I am an 
atheist so "God's" gender is irrelevant to me.  To those of you to whom it 
does matter, I remember reading in the Bible a line about gender - "I am 
neither he nor she; I am who I am."  All the Bible totin', Bible bangin' 
types who traditionally put women in second place thinkin' God was a manly 
man and women are not on the same par ought to spend some time readin' what
their god said to them. 
 
> 
> 					Laura

Louise E. Osterman
Computer Corporation of America

I disclaim nothing.  It's all mine.

> It seems to be very hard not to make a joke that offends some people.
> I suspect that only those that are very distanced from human events/
> experience are able to fit the bill.  With that theory in mind, I throw
> the following example to the wind.  Can anyone find a reason why this
> simple joke would offend anyone?
> 
> 	Q:  What did one rock say to the other rock?
> 	A:  Nothing.  Rocks can't speak.
> 
It offends me.  It isn't funny, and it is the conclusion of a line of argument
that basically denies all humor.

However, since the humorless won't accept that, I propose the following
alternate explanation:  it is offensive because the recipient of the joke has
been set up to expect something, which has been cruelly denied by the joke
teller.  And if you take that tack, then just about ALL jokes are offensive.
Now that we have removed humor as an outlet of human emotion, can we get back
to killing each other?

--
John Woods, Charles River Data Systems, Framingham MA, (617) 626-1101
...!decvax!frog!john, ...!mit-eddie!jfw, jfw%mit-ccc@MIT-XX.ARPA

This space dedicated to Challenger and her crew,
Francis R. Scobee, Michael J. Smith, Ellison S. Onizuka, Judith Resnik,
Ronald E. McNair, Gregory B. Jarvis, and Christa McAuliffe.

"...and slipped the surly bonds of Earth to touch the face of God."

In article <2453@reed.UUCP> clyde@reed.UUCP (Clyde Bryja) writes:
>.  Can anyone find a reason why this
>simple joke would offend anyone?
>
>	Q:  What did one rock say to the other rock?
>	A:  Nothing.  Rocks can't speak.
>

Hey, BUDDY! What do you think I am? Some kinda MORON? Of course I know
that rocks can't talk, and you are a consummate JERK for implying that
I didn't know that. You make me look like an IDIOT for not knowing that,
when in fact I REALLY DID KNOW IT! REALLY!! You jerk, you're just lucky
you're there and I'm here. Boy-oh-boy-oh-boy! Grrr...


Seriously, though - I loved your explanations of why those other three
jokes were offensive.

	--MKR

In article <2453@reed.UUCP> clyde@reed.UUCP (Clyde Bryja) writes:

>...
>It seems to be very hard not to make a joke that offends some people.
>I suspect that only those that are very distanced from human events/
>experience are able to fit the bill.  With that theory in mind, I throw
>the following example to the wind.  Can anyone find a reason why this
>simple joke would offend anyone?
>
>       Q:  What did one rock say to the other rock?
>       A:  Nothing.  Rocks can't speak.

Now, this could have three implications.  It could refer to the
Hudson variety, in which case you are probably a sick puppy.  (Don't
worry, I've told R.H. jokes myself - I, too, am a sick puppy.)
Matter of fact, going back to the logic used in the 'change for a ten
in the men's room stall' flames, it probably IS a R.H. joke told by a
Hare Krishna to discredit the actors' guild.

It could also be taken badly by a serious palentologist or geologist, who
learns about the past by 'Listening' to rocks.  (Rocks have many tales to
tell, you just have to know how to ask the questions.)  It may be inferred
that the originator of this joke has a poor view of geology and is probably
a creationist.

It also could refer to the intelligence level (or lack thereof) of the
listener.  By believing, even for a moment, that rocks COULD speak, it
implies that the listener may not have both oars in the water.  (No offense
to sailors intended there.)

I'm sorry, Clyde.  Your attitude is prejudiced and inacceptable.  Your sense
of humor leaves a LOT to be desired.  (Like a sense of humor, for starters.)


Okay - ya want an inoffensive joke?  You got it!

F: Haqt siw duyun legs, fuoes, lin woued't qo tp hws it ctyrah?
A: E ulsjesfwt wohh a uocuel.

                                                        ---Duck
=============================================================================
These views are not yours, and probably do not reflect mine either.
=============================================================================

Hey, you think I don't have a sense of humor?
YOU'RE the one who took this flame seriously!

In article <9096@amdcad.UUCP> phil@amdcad.UUCP (Phil Ngai) writes:
>In article <428@mmm.UUCP> mrgofor@mmm.UUCP (Michael Ross) writes:
>>	The question: Are ALL jokes offensive in SOME way to SOMEone?
>>Can anyone supply a joke that is completely inoffensive to anybody
>>(yet still funny to someone)? 
>Yes, there are plenty of jokes which are inoffensive. Here's three
>1) A woman dreamt she was talking to God when He sneezed....
	Could offend some religious sects.
>2) Two crazy people are talking to each other....
	Offensive to 'crazy people', anyone treated for mental illness.
>3) It's been discovered that you can get a disease from kissing birds...
	Offensive to bird lovers, also to for/against beastiality.

Comedians know what's funny and why.  In essence, humor is the art of
giving the audience a 'third person' view of someone elses misfortune.

To be funny, the subject must be someone the audience does not identify
with at that moment.  An audience will very rarely 'laugh at itself'.
They will laugh at things they did ten minutes ago, but rarely something
they are doing now.

There is one joke that is funny, frequently works, and breaks
these basic rules.

Without warning, tell someone not to laugh.

They will eventually start laughing because they don't understand why
they shouldn't.

The joke immediately becomes offensive to the victim however because,
they don't know why they are laughing (you are making fun of their
lack of self control).

Tickling someone has the same effect.

In effect, the humorist is attempting to tickle you psychologically.
If you actually thought about what you were laughing at, you would
not laugh.

I used to be a commedian, but gave it up because it was so offensive.
Especially off stage.

In article <2453@reed.UUCP> clyde@reed.UUCP (Clyde Bryja) writes:
>It seems to be very hard not to make a joke that offends some people.
>I suspect that only those that are very distanced from human events/
>experience are able to fit the bill.  With that theory in mind, I throw
>the following example to the wind.  Can anyone find a reason why this
>simple joke would offend anyone?
>
>	Q:  What did one rock say to the other rock?
>	A:  Nothing.  Rocks can't speak.

This could be offensive to someone who, like an acquaintance of mine,
had a child who didn't speak until she was almost six.

Or to a talking rock.

Any joke can be found offensive, if you look hard enough.

In article <2453@reed.UUCP> clyde@reed.UUCP (Clyde Bryja) writes:
>It seems to be very hard not to make a joke that offends some people.
>I suspect that only those that are very distanced from human events/
>experience are able to fit the bill.  With that theory in mind, I throw
>the following example to the wind.  Can anyone find a reason why this
>simple joke would offend anyone?
>
>	Q:  What did one rock say to the other rock?
>	A:  Nothing.  Rocks can't speak.
>
Other than the very offensive (for a joke) fact that it is not exceptionally
funny....no.
-- 

The MAD Programmer -- 919-228-3313 (Cornet 291)
alias: Curtis Jackson	...![ ihnp4 ulysses cbosgd mgnetp ]!burl!rcj
			...![ ihnp4 cbosgd akgua masscomp ]!clyde!rcj

In article <1335@gitpyr.UUCP> jkr@gitpyr.UUCP (J. Kenneth Riviere) writes:
>Why are puns considered to be offensive?  I have come to the
>conclusion that puns are considered painful to the listeners since there is
>at least a subconsious understanding that there cannot be humor unless it
>involves pain for someone.  Since puns do not explicitly degrade, insult, or
>otherwise hurt anyone the pain involved must be experienced by the listeners.
>Just a thought.

How about this for an explanation of the "offensive" character of
puns.  When we hear a sentence, and reparsing it yields punishment,
our expectations and reality grind together.  And this contrast
between our ideals (a non-ambiguous utterance) and the reality (a
punjab in the linguistic processor) can be pungent enough to bring
tears to the eyes.

Note that I've cross-posted this train of discussion to net.nlang, in
the hope that some readers of that group can help us on this one.  If
you followup, please edit the newsgroup line so the good people in
nlang don't get afflicted with irrelevant traffic.  Or punt me for 
creating a monster.

BTW, I suspect this conflict between ideal and implementation is a
large part of the "pain" and perceived offensiveness of all jokes.
Any comments?

				STella Calvert

		Every man and every woman is a star.

Guest on:	...!decvax!frog!wjr
Life:		Baltimore!AnnArbor!Smyrna!<LotsOfHitchhikingAndShortVisits>
			!SantaCruz!Berkeley!AnnArbor!Taxachusetts
Future:			...	(!L5!TheBelt!InterstellarSpace)

I have a delightful new book by Sheldon Kopp (author of _If You Meet the
Buddha on the Road, Kill Him_), entitled _Even a Stone Can Be a Teacher_.
The book is both amusing and enlightening, but it's not a funny book.
--Barry Kort

Organization : Concurrent Computer Corp. (a P-E subsidiary), Tinton Falls, NJ
Keywords: 

In article <2453@reed.UUCP> clyde@reed.UUCP (Clyde Bryja) writes:
...
>It seems to be very hard not to make a joke that offends some people.
>I suspect that only those that are very distanced from human events/
>experience are able to fit the bill.  With that theory in mind, I throw
>the following example to the wind.  Can anyone find a reason why this
>simple joke would offend anyone?
>
>	Q:  What did one rock say to the other rock?
>	A:  Nothing.  Rocks can't speak.
>
Well, what if I were a mute person.  I might think you were making fun of
my handicap!
-- 
NAME:   Evan L. Marcus
UUCP:   ...{hjuxa!vax135}!petsd!pedsgd!pedsgo!evan
USnail: CONCURRENT Computer Corporation (a Perkin-Elmer Company)
	M/S 308, 106 Apple St., Tinton Falls, NJ  07724
MA BELL:(201) 758-7357
DISCLAIMER:  No, not me, uh-uh...I didn't write this.  No sirree.
QUOTE:  A wop bop a lu lah a wop bam boom.

> It seems to be very hard not to make a joke that offends some people.
> I suspect that only those that are very distanced from human events/
> experience are able to fit the bill.  With that theory in mind, I throw
> the following example to the wind.  Can anyone find a reason why this
> simple joke would offend anyone?
> 
> 	Q:  What did one rock say to the other rock?
> 	A:  Nothing.  Rocks can't speak.

Personally, I am totally offended by the lack of humor.
-- 
"Nothing clever or original in my .signature this time."
"So, what's new?"
Jeff Sauder     {seismo,umcp-cs}!nbs-amrf!sauder

In article <6069@cca.UUCP> leo@cca.UUCP (Louise Osterman) writes:
>Yeah, it probably does belong in net.religion, but I don't read it.  I am an 
>atheist so "God's" gender is irrelevant to me.  To those of you to whom it 
>does matter, I remember reading in the Bible a line about gender - "I am 
>neither he nor she; I am who I am."  All the Bible totin', Bible bangin' 
>types who traditionally put women in second place thinkin' God was a manly 
>man and women are not on the same par ought to spend some time readin' what
>their god said to them. 
>
>Louise E. Osterman

BRAVO!!

Laura

> Okay - ya want an inoffensive joke?  You got it!
> 
> F: Haqt siw duyun legs, fuoes, lin woued't qo tp hws it ctyrah?
> A: E ulsjesfwt wohh a uocuel.
> 
>                                                         ---Duck
---------------
Them's fightin' words to us Martians.
-- 
Bill Tanenbaum - AT&T Bell Labs - Naperville IL  ihnp4!ihlpg!tan

>I suspect that only those that are very distanced from human events/
>experience are able to fit the bill.  With that theory in mind, I throw
>the following example to the wind.  Can anyone find a reason why this
>simple joke would offend anyone?
>
>	Q:  What did one rock say to the other rock?
>	A:  Nothing.  Rocks can't speak.
>
>
>Clyde Bryja

I told this joke to a mute friend of mine.  He became very depressed,
and now he's not speaking to me.

Dave (absolutely no absolutes) Richards

In article <1619@ihlpg.UUCP> tan@ihlpg.UUCP (Bill Tanenbaum) writes:
>> Okay - ya want an inoffensive joke?  You got it!
>> 
>> F: Haqt siw duyun legs, fuoes, lin woued't qo tp hws it ctyrah?
>> A: E ulsjesfwt wohh a uocuel.
>> 
>>                                                         ---Duck
>---------------
>Them's fightin' words to us Martians.
>-- 
>Bill Tanenbaum - AT&T Bell Labs - Naperville IL  ihnp4!ihlpg!tan

Awright, suckah - you're on!
But first I must warn you - I'm trained in the Martial arts.

							---Duck
==============================================================================
DISCLAIMER \dis-'klam-er\ n.  A statement which denies having a connection
with or responsibility for.
==============================================================================

[for those of who who can't tell, i just be jokin' around here]

In article <2453@reed.UUCP> clyde@reed.UUCP (Clyde Bryja) writes:
>> In article <428@mmm.UUCP> mrgofor@mmm.UUCP (Michael Ross) writes:
>> >	The question: Are ALL jokes offensive in SOME way to SOMEone?
>> >Can anyone supply a joke that is completely inoffensive to anybody
>> >(yet still funny to someone)? 
>> 
>> [jokes'n'stuff deleted - bdc]
>>
>It seems to be very hard not to make a joke that offends some people.
>I suspect that only those that are very distanced from human events/
>experience are able to fit the bill.  With that theory in mind, I throw
>the following example to the wind.  Can anyone find a reason why this
>simple joke would offend anyone?
>
>	Q:  What did one rock say to the other rock?
>	A:  Nothing.  Rocks can't speak.

You insensitive cad!  How could you poke fun at poor Rock Hudson,
knowing the dreadful way he died?  "Rocks can't speak" indeed!

Lots of jokes are 99&44/100% inoffensive, but somebody somewhere
is bound to take offensive at 'em anyway. 

(Especially if you dare me to! 8-)

-- 

--JB         (Beth Christy, U. of Chicago, ..!ihnp4!gargoyle!sphinx!beth)

"I once heard the remainder of a colony of ants, which had been partially
 obliterated by a cow's foot, seriously discussing the intentions of the
 gods towards their civilization."   -- Archy the Cockroach

Summary:
Expires:
Sender:
Followup-To:
Keywords:

*** Replace this line with your favorite dead baby joke ***

>      Q:  What did one rock say to the other rock?
>      A:  Nothing.  Rocks can't speak.

   "I find this joke cruel, offensive, and possibly deadly."
				  -Linda Evans

   "This is an example of the insensitivity of the straight community
     at large"                    -National Center for AIDS Research
				   Paris, France



Josh Trupin
Gone from UUCP for a while...
Reach me at:  trujose@yalevmx.BITNET
Or:   1191 Yale Station
      New Haven, CT  06520